I have been lied from the beginning of my marriage

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I have been lied from the beginning of my marriage. I asked not wanting to marry in to a family where the father is incharge of a relgious institution due to avoiding family clash. Not only was my husband not finacially stable but apparently neither are his parents due to remortgage 3/4 times and taking out credit card loans. This is affecting me as I know the mother in law takes money from all her sons. I was told after marriage that he has mental problems (called constant dellusional disorder). I have a husband who does not support me finaincially until only recently due to recieveing joint working tax credit benefit from the government. He paid me 20 pounds a week which 17 pounds went towards the bus fair anyway. They have 7 people in the house with a small bathrrom and kitchen. Sometimes I have to wait for an hr for the toilet and 2-4 hrs to eat when I want. When I am there part time mother in law asks how many potatoes did I eat. I know that he has delayed the opportunities in moving out which means he wants to stay with his parents who do everything for him right down to ironing his clothes, chipping his nails, taking the bin out while i am staying at my mums due to space problems. I am now going on 31 and this means I am reducing my chances of having a child in his cluttered unhygenic home with flies flying around the plants placed on the dining table. He said that he cannot move out with someone who complains when things are improving in his eyes. I am being beaten from time to time. He works more than full time being illegally paid 100 pounds per week. He does not want to look for another jonb on the side. He goes out every night and most of the time it is shisha night. He prioritises his friends inc female friends whereby he finds it important to go to their house to support them late at night without me than providing me toiletries which I so desperatley needed. He uses all the resources including mine like there is no tomorrow and does no house chores. His parents don't appreciate me like i am not there. They talk about me how ugly I am and how I am there to use 10 pounds note of my husbands birthday gift, I can't cook when they can only  fit one person at a time in teh kitchen. I have been conned of my marriage contract dowry amount by 2k. During the 3.5 yrs of our marriage (not registered) I once had 2 jobs at the same time while having repetitive strain injury on my right arm. I have completed a PGCE (14-19) teacher training course and passed my driving test, learnt arabic and tajweed and try to pray 5x's per day. He has made an improvement by passing his driving test after nagging so much and prays very rarely and only during jummah. Now I have to work to make up for the financial loss. I know as a women teaching is the best career whilst looking after kids. I know that he will not be able to be a husband when we get the chance to move out as he is worried that he will lose his luxury shisha time. I know this becuase when I paid 300 for his ticket and hotel for a holiday I desperatley needed due to hworking 6 days a week and having repetitive strain injury, breating and heart palpitation problems I know someone was trying to show me what his actions will be when the full joint benefit accidently came in to my account. He bullied me in to trying to go to the back to get his patrt of the money out. He did not want to pay that money back to complete my last 2 weeks PGCE teacher training course travel expenses. Eventually he let me. I have never asked him to pay form my basics ever. Everything use to be 50/50. Of course I use to buy stuff for him while he use to use my resources.
I would liek a confirmation if I am ungrateful and that i am allowed to divorce him as he does not spend time with me, does not save for the future after telling him to do so after 4.5 yrs. Is reluctant in providing me the bascis. I feel as though I am the husband and the wife paying for stuff and being a house slave.  Excuse my english.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)


In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.



Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218  Narrated by Thawban

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, (even) the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her!’

Sister, if you have so many problems with your husband you can either ask your husband to pronounce one talaq and a divorce will be established after you complete the iddah period of 3 months. If he refuses to give you a talaq then you are within your rights to initiate a khula by which a divorce can be established and there will be no sin attached on you.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

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