She has a likeable personality - The Ideal Muslimah

The Muslim Woman and Her Community / Society

Her speech is not exaggerated or affected

The true Muslim is natural in her behavior and conduct; she does not exaggerate or affect her speech in order to attract attention, because these are sickening, hateful attributes that do not exist in people of sound nature. Only those who are twisted or whose sound nature is lacking speak in an exaggerated or affected manner. For this reason the Prophet (PBUH) was very harsh on those men and women who exaggerate in their speech, and after his death, Abu Bakr and `Umar were similarly harsh on them, to the extent that `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud said:

"By Him besides Whom there is no other god, I never saw anyone who was harsher on those who exaggerate in their speech than the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), and I never saw anyone who was harsher on them after his death than Abu Bakr, and I think that `Umar feared the most for them of all people on earth."¹⁵⁵

Note: 155. Reported by Abu Ya'la and al-Tabarani; the men of its isnad are thiqat. See Majma'al-Zawa'id, 10/125, Bab maja'a fi'l-mutan''amin wa'l-mutanatta'in.

She has a likeable personality

The Muslim woman is keen to be like by others, through her good deeds and through the positive effect she has on them, as well as by having a good reputation in society.

People's love for her is a sign that Allah (SWT) loves her too, because in this case He opens people's hearts to her and makes her accepted and well-liked by everyone she meets or she hear about her. Concerning this, the Prophet (PBUH) said:

"When Allah (SWT) loves a person, he calls Jibril and says: `I love So-and-so, so love him.' So Jibril will love him, and will call out in the heavens: `Allah (SWT) loves So-and-so, so love him.' Then the people of heaven will love him, and he will be well-accepted on earth. If Allah (SWT) hates a person, he calls Jibril and says: `I hate So-and-so, so hate him., So Jibril will hate him, and will call out in the heavens: `Allah (SWT) hates So-and-so, so hate him.' Then the people of heaven will hate him, and he will be despised on earth."¹⁵⁶

Note: 156. Sahih Muslim, 16/184, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab idha ahabba Allah 'abdan.

This is the unseen, divreason why some Muslim men and women enjoy the love of others towards them. It is the love of Allah (SWT) which He has spread among the people of heaven and earth, and makes those fortunate people will-accepted on earth, or else His hatred causes them to be despised on earth.

No-one can earn the love of Allah (SWT) except the one who turns to Him seeking His pleasure, and no-one earns His hatred except the one who turns away from His guidance and disobeys Him.

The good news of Allah's love and pleasure is given only to believing men and women, those who believe and do good works, which are commended by other people. Allah (SWT) will hasten to bring them glad tidings in their own lifetimes, so He causes people to praise them and love them, as is seen in the sahih hadith narrated by Muslim from Abu Dharr, who said:

"The Prophet (PBUH) was asked, `What do you think of a man who does a good deed, and people praise him for it? He said, `That is gtidings for the believer that he has received in this world." According to another report also narrated by Muslim: "and the people love him for it."¹⁵⁷

Note: 157. Sahih Muslim, 16/189, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab idha ahabba Allah 'abdan

The Muslim woman who has the best characteristics and is adhering to the limits set by Allah (SWT), doing what He commands and avoiding what He forbids, is the woman who deserves to receive these glad tidings in this world. She deserves to be loved by everyone who knows her or hears of her good deeds, such as tolerance, turning away form ignorant women, responding to evil with good, helping the poor and destitute, wanting the best for others, denying herself, speaking the truth, refraining from talking unnecessarily, being fair in her judgement and treatment of others, avoiding malicious gossip and hurting others, and other righteous attitudes and virtues that Islam encourages and describes as an adornment for the Muslim woman. Such a woman has truly understood the teachings of her religion; she has earned the love of people in this world and the pleasure of Allah (SWT) and Paradise in the Hereafter.

She is friendly and likeable

The sensitive Muslim woman is friendly and likeable. She makes friends with other women and mixes with them, and they in turn like to meet her and make friends with her, because of her gentle, refined, attractive character and good treatment of them. These are the best characteristics that a woman may attain, as they entitle her to mix with other women, earn their trust and have an influence on them. Women will only listen to the one whom they like and trust and feel comfortable with, and they will only be persuaded by a woman who brings with her an attitude of trust, friendship and respect.

Hence there are many hadith which commend the type of person who is friendly and liked by others. Such a person, whether man or woman, is one of those chosen ones who are beloved by the Prophet (PBUH) and will be closest to him on the Day of Judgement:

"Shall I not tell you who among you is most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?" He repeated it three or two times, and they said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah." He said, "Those of you who are the best in attitude and character."¹⁵⁸ Some reports add: "Those who are down to earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable."

Note: 158. Reported with a jayyid isnad by Ahmad, 2/185.

One of the most important attributes of the Muslim woman is that she gets along with others and others feel comfortable with her. She likes people and they like her. If she is not like this, then she will not be able to convey the message or achieve anything of significance. Whoever is like that has no goodness in him, as in the hadith:

"The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable."¹⁵⁹

Note: 159. Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzar; the men of Ahmad's isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 8/87, Bab al-mu'min ya'laf wa yu'lif.

The Prophet (PBUH) set the highest example of good behavior towards people. He was skillful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed. He demonstrated how to reach people's hearts and win their love and admiration. He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was a free space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally, so that no-one who was present in a gathering would feel that anyone else was receiving preferential treatment. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to them, or at least respond with kind words. His good attitude extended to everyone and he was like a father to them. The people gathered around him were truly equal, distinguished only by their level of taqwa. They were humble, respecting their elders, showing compassion to young ones, giving priority to those in need, and taking care of strangers.

The Prophet (PBUH) never disappointed anyone who came to ask from him. There are three characteristics that he did not possess: he was not argumentative, he did not talk too much, and he did not concern himself with matters that were not his business. There are three things that he never did to people: he never criticized anyone, he never said "Shame on you!" to anyone, and he never looked for anyone's faults. He never said anything but that for which he hoped to earn reward. When he spoke, the people around him would listen earnestly, sitting still as if there were birds on their heads. When he was silent, then they would speak. They never argued with one another in his presence. They would smile at whatever he smiled at, and would be impressed by whatever impressed him. He would be patient with a stranger who might be harsh in his requests or questions, and his Companions would ask the stranger to speak gently. He said, "If you see someone in need, then help him." He never accepted praise except from someone who was thanking him for a favour, and he never cut off anyone who was speaking; he would wait until the person indicated that he had finished, or stood up.¹⁶⁰

Note: 160. See Hayat al-Sahabah, 1/22, 23

`A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) tells us that the used to be cautious of the worst type of people, and he would speak gently to them and treat them well. A man sought permission to enter upon him and he said, "Let him in, what a bad brother of his tribe he is!" When the man came in, he spoke gently to him. `A'ishah said, "O Messenger of Allah, you said what you said, then you spoke gently to him." He said, "O `A'ishah, the worst of people is the one whom people avoid (or are gentle towards) because they fear his slander."¹⁶¹

Note: 161. Fath al-Bari, 10/471, Kitab al-adab, bab ma yajuz min ightiyab ahl al-fasad wa'l-rayab; Sahih Muslim, 16/144, Kitab al-birr wa'lsillat wa'l-adab, bab mudarah man yutqi fuhshihi.

No doubt the mature Muslim woman who is receptive to the guidance of Islam follows in the footsteps of her Prophet (PBUH) in her dealings with all people, whether they are good or bad, so that she will be liked, well accepted and respected among all the women who know her or hear of her.