Women Issue with Polygamy
Mu' meneen Brothers
and Sisters,
As Salaam
Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and
Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I really appreciate your effort to keeping me updated.I honestly
can not find any other appropriate word to thank you.I would like to request
you that whever I 'm asking please keep it to yourself.I would
appreciate if you dont refer me to anyone.I have full trust that is why
I'm getting touch with you.
Again here I'm to put my doubts for clarification.It
is fine that Islam has given the permission to get married 4 times and so also
for the women to marry again after the divorce.I'm being stupit asking you
again and again....
What about the feeling we have for husband and wife?
Supposing wife love her husband and husband dose not,and that is
the reason why husband wants to get married,so he fights with her ,shouts her
and blames her for his failure. Finally ,he marrys a lady,he dose not
even bother to inform her about the development for long time.Do you think it
is justified. Dose Islam permit hem to keep his first wife in dark.And over
that he every now and then compares her activities with the other
wife.What will be the answer for this??Dont you think the mommet the first
comes to know about this thing,it will be total catastrophic situation
for her.She might get heart attack or she may break down completly. Getting
marreid is possible many times but can a person able to share his emotion
amongt them???Husband wife relation is of course physical.What if the man
dose not even turn his head to the first wife and deprives her from the
very fundamental rights.Islam says that monetary responsibility is completely
over the man.But it has never happened !!!!!! He sends only one fifth of
his salary to his first wife.Do you think it is a sign of rightousness.Well I
must assure you that the feeling this letter bears has nothing to do with
modern education, it is a real feeling.I will be grateful if you kindly
give answer to these question asked.
I'm anxiously waitng for your answer.
Dose backmagic exist on earth???
Khudahafiz
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
Women Issue with Polygamy
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no
person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Beloved
sister in Islam, we would never ever
disclose your name and address, or the
names and addresses of anyone who asks a question on this forum! Even when we distribute the questions and
answers on the forum, so that the other
believers might learn from their brother’s and sister’s experiences in the deen
of Islam; we distribute the articles in
complete confidentiality. Please be
rest assured that we would never disclose yours or anyone’s identity to the
general readers.
Q-1: I'm being stupit
asking you again and again....
A
believer should not hesitate, or feel embarrassed, or ashamed, to ask
anything to any scholar in Islam; provided the intention is to increase one’s
knowledge in the deen. You may ask
us any and all questions regarding Islam,
until your heart is content with the guidance and teachings of Allah and
His Messenger (saws); and if Allah
helps us and guides us, we will strive
to answer each and every one of them to the best of our knowledge and capacity.
Q-2: What about the
feeling we have for husband and wife?
Firstly, we must understand that the One Who Created
everything in existence, is the One Who
Created us; and all His Laws and
Commands are based on His Perfect Wisdom and Knowledge. Allah Subhanah knows the nature of
everything He has Created; and He it is
Who has given permission to the believing man to practice polygamy.
If the
wife knows that her husband is a God-Fearing person, then she should not fear that just because he is marrying
again, he will stop loving his first
wife! Nor should the wife stop loving
her husband for marrying again, because
he has not overstepped the boundaries that Allah Subhanah has set for him. Allah Subhanah has given man the capacity
to love more than one wife; just as He
has given parents the capacity to love more than one child! Just imagine, if every first-born child would worry that his parents will love
him/her any less when they have a second or third or fourth child; would that be justified?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21:
And of Allah’s Sign is that He has created for you wives from your
own species, so that you may
find peace with them, and (Allah has)
created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.
It is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an
authentic narration: ‘The whole world is a provision (from Allah), and the best of the provisions is a
righteous wife.”
It is
Allah Subhanah, who has created love
and mercy between the spouses, so that
they may live in peace and tranquility.
No human being can deny the believing man the right to marry another
wife if he chooses to do so; because
the All Wise, All Knowing, has permitted him. Thus, as a believing
woman, instead of worrying yourself, you should have patience and accept the Laws
of the One Who has Created everything to perfection! And once you bring yourself to accept it; you will see the wisdom behind each and
every command of Allah and His Messenger (saws).
Q-3: Supposing wife love her husband and husband dose not, and that is the reason why husband wants to
get married, so he fights with her ,shouts her and blames her for his
failure. Finally ,he marrys a lady,he dose not even bother to inform her about
the development for long time. Do you
think it is justified? Dose Islam permit hem to keep his first wife in dark?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
Men are the managers of women,
because Allah has made one superior to the other, and because men support them from their
means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly
obedient, and guard in (the husband’s)
absence, what Allah would have them
guard.
It does
not behove a believer, who sincerely
believes in Allah and the Last Day, to
fight, or shout, or blame his wife without any proper
reason. If he does so, he shall be accountable for his deeds in the
Court of Allah on an Inevitable Day.
The Messenger of Allah
(saws) said in an authentic narration: “The best amongst you is the one who is
best to his wife; and I am best to my
wife.”
Thus the
best amongst the believers are those who treat their wife/wives with
respect, mercy, love, honor, and justice.
There is
no condition in Islam that a husband
who marries again, has to take
the permission of his first wife. Thus
if he did not inform his first wife, he
was well within the boundaries that Allah has set on him; and each and every boundary that Allah
Subhanah sets on the believers is justified.
The
sooner the first-wife understands and accepts the Command of Allah that permits
a believing man to marry again if he so wishes; the sooner she will be able to endure the reality.
Allah is
the One Who Created man, and He is the
One Who Created their nature. And it is in the nature of man, that he is polygamous! Just take a look around at the un-Godly
world around us and see for yourself what is going on and what could have
happened. A lot of husbands have
affairs, openly and secretly, and there is nothing one can do about
it! A lot of husbands divorce their
first wives, and marry the new
wife! Many husbands just leave their
first wives, and move in with their
second wife! Many husbands give all
their attention and spend all their time and wealth on the new wife, and completely ignore the first wife! He could have done any number of illegal
and immoral things and got away with it in this world; but he chose to do the honorable thing; and legally honor and marry a second
wife, and also keep his first wife with
the same respect, dignity and
honor; and live within the boundaries
of Allah Subhanah.
Q-4: And over that he
every now and then compares her activities with the other wife.What will
be the answer for this??
If
the husband constantly compares the activities of the other wife, and thus hurts or pains his first wife
intentionally; he is absolutely in the
wrong. It does not behove a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last
Day, to do such a thing at all.
Q-5: Dont you think the
mommet the first comes to know about this thing, it will be total catastrophic situation for her. She might get heart attack or she may break
down completly.
Yes, I guess human beings have a tendency to
over-react to situations not in their control;
but once they have accepted the situation, they are able to make much better decisions. I personally know many believers who have
taken two and three wives; and they
always say that it is hard on the first wife for a couple of weeks… and if one
is able to be patient, and
merciful, and tolerant with the wife’s
conditions in the these first few weeks;
things get calm and life returns to normal.
It is
only because it is not the norm of society today for a man to take multiple
wives; the first wife feels threatened
and confused on what will happen; and
starts thinking that the worst of what can happen, will happen to her. When
her fears don’t actually materialize,
and once she brings herself to understand that it is Allah who has given
this permission to the believing men to marry again; she is able to submit to the Perfect Wisdom and Knowledge of
Allah’s Permission.
Q-6: Getting marreid is possible many times but can a person
able to share his emotion amongt them?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-130:
When a woman fears ill-treatment or aversion from her husband, there is no harm if the two make peace
between themselves; after all, peace is the best thing. Human souls are prone to narrow mindedness, but if you show generosity and fear Allah in
your dealings, you may rest assured
that Allah will be fully aware of all that you do. It is not within your power to be perfectly equitable
in your treatment with all your wives,
even if you wish to be so!
Therefore, (in order to satisfy
the dictates of the Divine Law) do not lean wholly towards one wife, so as to leave the other in a state of
suspense. If you behave righteously
and fear Allah, you will find Allah
Forgiving and Compassionate.
But if the spouses do separate,
Allah will make each one of them independent of the other by His Vast
Powers, for His Resources are limitless, and He is The All Wise, All Knowing.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice
to the orphans, you may marry
two, or three, or four women whom you
choose. But if you apprehend that you
might not be able to do justice to them,
then marry only one wife, or
marry those who have fallen in your possession. This will be a better course to avoid injustice.
The
condition that Allah has prescribed for the believers who marry more than one
wife is justice. If one fears that he will
not be able to do just and equitable amongst them, then he may marry only one.
The Shariah prescribes that one,
who has more than one wife, be
just and equal to all his wives in terms of distributing money, property,
wealth, time, etc. The one who is not just and equitable
amongst his wives will be held severely accountable in the Just Court of Allah.
Q-7: Husband wife relation
is of course physical. What if the man
dose not even turn his head to the first wife and deprives her from the
very fundamental rights. Islam says
that monetary responsibility is completely over the man. But it has never happened !!!!!! He
sends only one fifth of his salary to his first wife. Do you think it is a sign of rightousness.
Indeed, if a man does not treat his wives equally
and with justice, it is not a sign of
righteousness! Just look at the
severity of the punishment of the husband who inclines himself to one of his
wives, as declared by the Messenger of
Allah (saws):
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man has two wives and he is
inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with a side
hanging down.’
Your Statement: Well I
must assure you that the feeling this letter bears has nothing to do with
modern education, it is a real feeling.
I will be grateful if you kindly give answer to these question
asked. I'm anxiously waitng for your answer.
Dear
Sister in Islam, we pray that Allah
Subhanah make your trial easy for you;
and give you the patience to bear these trials with dignity and
honor. Our advice to you is that you
continue to be righteous and dutiful in your marriage; and look for your reward from the Merciful
Lord in the Hereafter. The trials of
this transitory life are only till one meets with their appointment of
death; but the honor and rewards of
the Hereafter are eternal and ever-lasting.
Q-8: Dose backmagic exist on earth???
The Quran
does mention magic! By magic, we assume you mean a process whereby man and
jinn connive to harm someone.
Although, logically and in light
of the Quran and Sunnah, it is not an
impossible act for some miscreants to do… it is regarded as a grave sin in
Islam to do so. Besides, as a believer, we should always remember that no matter if all the men and the
Jinns of the world got together to harm someone; they would not be able to do so without the permission of Allah
Subhanah! Everything, absolutely everything is in the control of
our Lord, and unless He Wills it, no combination of men and jinn can harm or
benefit us in the least!
Allah has termed the people who practice magic as doing ‘kufr’ in the
Holy Quran, and has cursed them by
saying that they will have no share in the Hereafter. Performing or trying to do magic is an evil deed and
considered one of the grave sins in Islam.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse
102:
Although it was obvious that they could not do any harm to
anyone by means of this magic without Allah’s permission, yet they learnt the art (of magic) which
could not be profitable even for them,
but was actually harmful.
Moreover, they knew it fully
well that, anyone, who purchased that art (of magic) would have
no share in the Hereafter. What a vile
commodity it was for which they sold off their souls, if they had but known it!
Sister, the thing we, as believers, must
understand that those who claim to do
magic or witchcraft do not have the power to hurt or benefit anyone, without the permission of Allah
Subhanah. No harm and no benefit can
happen to the believer without the Will of Allah Subhanah. If Allah does not will it, all the magicians and doers of witchcraft of
the world can get together and try their magic on someone, they cannot harm them in the least!
All
Power and All Strength is with Allah Subhanah Alone.
Most
of the people who claim to do magic are frauds. In parts of Africa,
South America, and especially in
India and Pakistan, some unscrupulous
‘holy’ people have opened ‘shops’ claiming to have control of spirits, and perform witchcraft and/or magic. These people invent all types of satanic
rituals and chants and spread fantastic stories of their past successful
operations to impress their ‘customer’.
And then other supposedly ‘holy’ people have opened ‘shops’ to remove
this magic and witchcraft from the frightened and helpless ‘customer’! Thus,
basically between the ‘holy’ people supposedly doing the magic, and the supposedly ‘holy’ people removing
the magic; the common man is being
conned! And the way these ‘holy’
thieves operate, the common person is
told so many stories and threats of this will happen to him and that will
happen to his family, etc., that the
person just does and gives whatever they ask in a state of fear and desperation
to remove this ‘magic’ from him and his family!
The
believers must understand well that no harm,
no magic, no Jinn, no witchcraft, no spell, no charm, no nothing;
can harm or benefit us, without
the permission of Allah Subhanah.
Thus a believer must put his full trust in Allah Subhanah Alone! He is more than enough as our Helper and
Protector.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,