Husband cousins accusing

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Aslamalikyum I would like to know if your husbands cousin`s are always saying bad things to you an accusing you, what shal you do in this matter as I dont want to hurt my husband anymore and argue with his family as I know that this will only resort to my husband divorceing me or hateing me. Islamicly what would a wife do in this matter? Is it true to take bad from people is a sin a swel? I love my husband and respect him alot but I have caused him alot of pain due to his cousin`s as this is what they want. What can I do to stop my self from falling into they traps? Please help me.




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Husband cousins accusing

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12: O ye who believe!  Avoid suspicion as much (as possible):  for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other,  nor speak ill of each other behind their backs.   Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?  Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah:  for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.


Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to absolutely abstain from bad-mouthing or back-biting others,  and those who do will be committing a sin in the sight of Allah Subhanah and will have a severe accounting on an Inevitable Day.


We must clarify here that speaking ill of other people behind their backs,  or back-biting,  means that one says the truth about the person,  his actions,  or character,  or deeds. That is what is termed ‘gheebah’ or back-biting;  and the believers are commanded to abstain from it.  If one invents or speaks a lie about a person,  his actions,  or his character,  or his deeds,  behind his back,  that will be called ‘bohtaan’ or slander;  and that is indeed a grave sin which has a punishment prescribed for it in the life of this world,  and a very severe accounting in the Hereafter! 


Allah Subhanah has enjoined and commanded the believers in the above aayah to abstain from back-biting and compared it to the heinous crime of eating the flesh of one’s own brother. Just as one would hate to eat the flesh of one’s own brother,  one should hate the act of speaking ill of someone behind his back, even though it be the truth! If one back-bites by inventing lies and falsehood,  he will be guilty of a much more serious sin;  ‘bohtaan’ or slander.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.  Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their property, their chastity, their honor, etc.)


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254        Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the Gates of Paradise she wishes."


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286         Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’


My dear beloved sister, although you are not too far wrong in knowing that you have fallen in the trap laid by your husband's cousin to create a rift in your married life so that they can be rid of you. Allah swt has commanded that the woman should be obedient to all her husband's legal requests. As a good and righteous Muslima it is your duty to maintain the peace and harmony in yours and your husband's home.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best, he (saws) replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); Verily, in that are Signs for those who reflect.


In light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, any wife who sincerely wishes to have peace, tranquility, harmony, love and mercy between herself and her husband must be devoutly obedient to her husband!  


My dear beloved sister, you have to practice utmost patience and bear all the injustices with perseverance the cousins of your husband shower upon you to save your marriage. InshaAllah Allah swt will give you ajr (reward) for your patience. Sooner or later your husband will realize the truth and take up your cause. But if you defile his brothers he might not understand and your marriage could be in jeopardy.


Sister you are required to perform your obligatory prayers in their prescribed times, read the Noble Quran with understanding daily as much as is easy for you, fast during Ramadhan, pay the zakat, keep in righteous Muslima company and in general do good and righteous deeds. This will automatically give you the strength to bear all the injustices stoically.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 14 Surah Ibraheem verses 11-12:

11     ……..And on Allah let all men of faith put their trust.

12      "No reason have we why we should not put our trust on Allah.  Indeed He has guided us to the Way we (follow).  We shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us: for those who put their trust should put their trust on Allah."


My dear and beloved Sister in Islam, Islam guides that the character, dealings, and relations of a believer should always be ‘straight’, absolutely regardless of how the other party chooses to treat them….if one finds that the other party deals with them ‘straight’ and with justice, one should treat them with in a manner which is even ‘straighter’ than theirs….and if one finds that the other deals with them in a ‘croocked’ manner or with injustice, Islam guides that the believer should still treat them in a ‘straight’ manner and with justice. 


Although it requires a world of courage and patience to repel the evil of others by doing genuine goodness towards them, without an iota of a doubt, if that person who did evil to you has even an iota of good in their hearts, there will come a time when they will feel ashamed and remorse at their evil, and their enmity and hatred will turn into sincere and lasting friendship.


Respected sister in Islam, the above is the guidance of Islam for the believers for their dealings with all mankind… can only imagine the level of goodness and patience the guidance of Islam expects from the believers when dealing with one’s own relatives and kith and kin!


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 6 (part):

Blood-relations amongst each other have closer personal ties in the Decree of Allah….


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.20 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr

The Prophet (saws) said, "’Al-Wasil’ (the one who does good to his relatives) is not he who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but ‘Al-Wasil’ is he who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him."


Although it is only natural that one expects good from those to whom one has been good….Islam guides the believers that when dealing with those whom none other than the Lord Most Majestic Himself has created in the bond of relationship, one should strive their absolute utmost to develop and maintain good and cordial relations with them only for the Sake of Allah Subhanah….that would be piety and righteousness in the Sight of the Lord Most Gracious.


Thus my respected sister, regardless of the behavior or response of your husband’s cousin to the good you might have done towards them… as a believer who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day are obliged to and should continue doing sincere good towards them without stint, only for the Sake and Pleasure of your Lord Most Gracious; seeking the rewards for your good from none save your Lord Most Merciful, Most Bounteous.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,



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