Joint family issues mother blames son

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam alikum, i have a question


regarding mother`s responsibility. we are 3 brothers and 1 sister. i am indian and living in saudi arabia. i am second son. problem is that, my mother always ill treat with me and my wife. i am here and used to send money to her for her medical monthly. as my elder brother in india with whom she is living. always she use to tell with relatives (mama etc ) that i never send money and never take care of her. she don`t like my wife as well. as i done arranged marriage chosen be my mother. last year i called her to saudi arabia to live with me. but as she don`t like my wife so don`t like her food what she prepare for her. my sister also living in saudi arabia in same city. so, my mother ask me to let her live there with her daughter. i send her to sister home. some time i used to bring her for some time and reture back to sister home. the major problem come for Hajj. as she is on visit visa and want to perform Hajj. but as per saudi law its not permitted to perform hajj. i told her to try and back door process but in vein. in mean time she started saying that i am not allowing her to perform hajj. but fact is different Allah(swt) know best. after this my brother-in law got once back door root to perform with Arab group. she go with my younger brother and alhamdulillah perform hajj.


now she is saying that i was not intended to let her perfrom hajj. she go back to india and tell each and everyone in relation and friends, that i didn`t takecare of her and not allowed to perform hajj. i tried to explain her several time but in vein. She always curse on me and my wife. could you please let me know am i wrong, on which point.


Jazakallah Khair.


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Joint family issues mother blames son

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


One cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of the enjoinment of service to one’s parents by Allah and His Messenger (saws) in Islam!  

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14      And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941        Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?"  He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."


Sahih Muslim Hadith  6189    Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be humbled into dust!  Let him be humbled into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’  He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise (through his deeds of service towards them)!’


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928        Narrated byAbud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939        Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you.  He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.248         Narrated byAbdullah bin Amr

A man came to the Prophet  asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said:  "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah).  So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290         Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."


Now to answer your specific questions:

My dear beloved brother in Islam, from what you have explained in detail, In our humble option, for the sole pleasure of Allah swt, you should bear all the allegations of your mother with patience and perseverance and put your trust in Allah swt to make your trial easy. Allah swt is well aware of your conditions.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 14 Surah Ibraheem verses 12:

12      "No reason have we why we should not put our trust on Allah.  Indeed He has guided us to the Way we (follow).  We shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause usfor those who put their trust should put their trust on Allah."


Such instances do occur in joint families and there is nothing you can do except trust in Allah swt and take your trials as a test from Allah swt and InshaAllah He will reward you appropriately for your patience and perseverance.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 200:

200    O ye who believe! Practice ‘sabr’ (persevere in patience and constancy): vie in such ‘sabr’ (perseverance); strengthen each other; and fear Allah; that ye may prosper.


Being right or wrong is not the issue here. The issue here is obedience to your mother’s wishes. If you argue with your mother you will always be the loser as the shaytaan will instigate you to say something which you will regret. If you can be patient and suffer with silence and humility you can rest assured that Allah swt will shower ajr upon you.


In conclusion, my dear beloved brother, show your utmost kindness to your mother and never ever raise your voice even if you are right and done all  your duties towards here but for some reason if your mother feels you have done something wrong by not supporting her for her hajj, just keep on doing your duty as commanded by Allah swt and by our Beloved Prophet (saws).


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone!  Treat your parents with great kindness;  if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them;  nor rebuke them;  but speak to them kind words.  Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord,  be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,



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