Choice between parents and wife
Mu' meneen Brothers
and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be
upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear brother in
islam,
alsalam alaikum wa
rahmat allah wa barakatuh.
i am married to a
great woman, she is a good muslim, and we are very happily married. my only
problem is with my parents. eventhough we married with the approval and
blessing of both families, ever since my wedding night things get worse by the
day. all this time i was trying to mend things and trying my best to maintain a
good relationship with mt parents but unfortunately i have got to the point
where i do not think i can go on. i mean i feel like i have to choose between
my parents or my wife. i do not need a speech about how important your parents
are in islam, it is obvious that i am sure of that otherwise i would have
simply ignored them and lived extremely happily with my wife. the problem is
that i feel like if i act to please my parents i will be unjust to my wife who
is extremely understanding and always tries to bridge this gap between her and
my parents, and I also know that a divorse is the worst of the halal that allah
has permitted. Please advise . thank you.
(There may be some
grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not
change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our
readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can
misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We
bear witness that there is no one (no idol,
no person, no grave, no
prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Q-1: “i have got to the point where i do not think i can go on. i mean
i feel like i have to choose between my parents or my wife”
My beloved brother, fear Allah
and be patient, and consider your
situation a trial for both you and your wife from Allah Subhanah. Let us examine the two options that you are
considering:
Allah (SWT) does not give the
believers, who sincerely fear Allah and
the Last Day, the choice to exercise
this option! In fact, The Merciful has specifically commanded the
believers to respect and honor our parents,
no matter under what circumstances and conditions.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verses 23-24:
23 Thy Lord hath Decreed that ye
worship none but Him, and that ye be
kind to parents. Whether one or both of
them attain old age in thy life, say
not to them a word of contempt, nor
repel them; but address them in terms
of honor.
24 And out of kindness lower to them the wing of
humility, and say: "O My
Lord! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in
childhood."
Islam has raised the status of
parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion, in that it has placed
kindness and respect towards them on a level that is just one degree below
belief in Allah (SWT) and true worship of Him.
This is a specific Command and Decree from The Almighty which is
inescapable and ultimate…note the word “Decree” used in the above quoted
Aayah, emphasizing the inseparable
nature of this relationship.
You obviously love your wife and
do not wish to abandon her, and, why should you; when she is a pious and
God-fearing muslimah, she seems to be a woman of sound knowledge
and understanding and therefore the two of you have to jointly understand the
significance of reconciling with the decree of Allah (SWT), this will InshaAllah be better for you in
this world and in the Hereafter.
Having examined the two options,
brother, I hope you realize that you are left with no choice, except for being
patient and seeking help from Allah (SWT).
Never allow the thought of
abandoning your parents come to your mind, no matter how complicated life gets.
Be patient, InshaAllah passing
this simple trial may become the cause for Allah to open the doors of Paradise
for both you and your wife.
Pray to Allah to make this trial
easy for both of you.
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He
is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in
Islam,
