I am totally broke mentally and frustrated. Islam gives so much rights to parents that i sometimes feel my life is miserable.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Dear
Brother,
I have
sacrificed my wife and two children over my mother. In other words, i gave more
importance to my mother and sisters, listen more to them than my 1st
wife. This happened for 3-4 years. As a result, my wife kept suffering from my
family ill-treatment and finally ran away with my 2 children abroad.
I tired the best i could to bring her back but she hates me. She hates me and
blames me that i didn't properly looked after her while she was with me. She
believes that i always gave more importance to my mothers commandments etc. She
believes that i am not worthy of a wife because i cant keep the balance between
her and my mother. She blames me that i love my mother and my sisters more that
my own children.......
My 1st wife took khula from the court and is living abroad with my children and
the day she left me, i
haven't
seen my children. As a revenge, my wife is hiding herself/my kids whereabouts
from me & and I living somewhere in
know
from some sources that she has not contracted another marriage and is raising
my children all by herself as she is a medical doctor......
Anyway, i re-married after couple of years. Today I hv three children from my
2nd wife. Immediately after my 2nd marriage, my mother and my sisters started
playing
their
games once again my 2nd wife too. They tried all they could possibly do to get
rid of her too. However, this time i tried to stop them and tried to make them
realize
that they are wrong and should not ruin my life again. As a result, my mom left
me and is living with my sister for the past one year. Today my mom is nmaking
me choose between her and my 2nd wife / three kids otherwise i shall be
deprived of the property too which my dad put in my mother's name and is
suppose to me mine per the will of my father!!
I am totally broke mentally and frustrated. Islam gives so much rights to
parents that i sometimes feel my life is miserable. Because i am not keping my
mom happy i believe i shall be punished. Because i let my mom/my sisters
control my 1st wife life, i am my 1st wife's culprit too. This way i
can't be blessed hereafter too. If i force my 2nd wife out of my life, than she
too shall hold me on the day of judgement......
I dont know, i am lost. Can u help guide me or something........
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in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions,
comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Balance rights
mother wife
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot
over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to
one’s parents in Islam…… Second only to the heinous and the ultimate
abomination of ‘shirk’ in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be
undutiful to one’s parents!
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or
both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain
was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to
parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors
who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what
your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said,
"Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
To join others in worship with Allah,
To be undutiful to one's parents,
To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden
to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
And to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Islam guides that one should give each party their rights
without compromising or usurping the rights of the other….thus as much as it is
incumbent and obligatory upon you to give your rights to your mother, it is
also incumbent and obligatory upon you to fulfill the rights of your wife and
your children.
Such is the rank and status the Lord Most High has
accorded to parents in Islam that only after the rights due to Allah Subhanah
and His Messenger (saws), the biggest rights in all mankind are due to one’s
parents, regardless of whether one’s parents are believers or disbelievers! Thus it is absolutely obligatory upon the
believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to be devoutly obedient to
each and every lawful wish and command of their parents….the only, and we
reiterate ONLY time a believer is permitted to disobey the command or wish of
their parents is if they command their off-spring to do something which is
against the Commands of the Creator.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A
creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the
Creator."
Thus my respected brother, as strained as the relationship
between your wife and your mother/sister might be, you make absolutely sure
that you, as a believer who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, fulfill the
rights due to your mother without compromising the rights that are due from you
unto your wife. And my respected
brother, whatever it takes, you make absolutely sure that you do not break or
sever relations or blood-ties which your Lord Himself has created for you….leave
alone breaking relations with one’s own mother or sisters!
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad verse 25:
As for those who break
their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder
relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on
the earth, their’s shall be the curse,
and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:
And He leads astray
only those who disobey Allah, who break
Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what
Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the
Earth. These are indeed the people who
are the losers.
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws)
said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one
of the names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one
who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and sever
the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith
and kin).
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
