Secrect marriage divorce.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
when i
was doing my graduation then i fell in love with a girl. we got very close to
each other and had pre marital sex. but soon i realised that i have committed
the most heinous sin of fornication. i asked for forgiveness to ALLAH pak. to
ensure that we do not commit any further sin i got married to her but i did not
inform my parents because i knew that they would not allow me to do so before i
complete my education. time passed and my relationship with my wife became very
bad. the main reason was that i did not want to offend my parents by informing
them about the marriage. so i wanted to wait till the right time comes .but my
wife and her parents started pressurizing me to take her home. but i was
waiting for the right time. now because of the delay, my relationship with the
girl has worsened. she abuses me.she hates me. she wants me to leave her. but
the girls father wants her to remain with me. my wife tells me that why dont u
die so that i get rid of this problem once and for all. she curses me, dehumanizes
me. my only crime is that i am waiting for the right time for things to happen.
we have had so many fights that i do not know the future of this relationship. once
in anger i divorced her thrice but immediately revoked what i said and
repented. she pushes me so much that i cant control myself. she fights a lot. i
divorced her again in a fit of anger but immediately revoked it again and
repented. this time i said only once in anger. sometimes she says she wants to
live with me and sometimes she wants me to die, never see my face again. sometimes
the girl is very loving and caring but sometimes she is abusive, wishing for my
death and cursing me. i am totally confused. she curses me all the time. she
wants me to burn in the fire of hell.i made my parents meet her parents. but my
father disapproves her family.i married her so that i save us from the sin of
fornication. but her parents want things to happen within a month. my father
wants me to complete my education and he also does not like her parents.my
father still does not know about the marriage. i just want time. but now things
have taken a very bad shape. the girl thinks that i have a 100 deficiencies. she
degrades me all the time. sometimes she is good but sometimes she is very bad. sometimes
she says she wants to spend her entire life with me. but sometimes she asks for
divorce from me 10000 times. she makes me go mad and sometimes she also
apologizes. when she is very very angry she says wrong about islam, faith and
ALMIGHTY.(MAY ALLAH FORGIVE HER FOR WHAT SHE SAYS).SHE THINKS TAHT ALL THE
WRONG IN HER LIFE IS HAPPENING COZ OF ALMIGHTY. sometimes she will start
reading namaz timely but when something goes wrong from my side, she will
abandon it.we have also had numerous verbal and physical fights. her parents r
threatening to expose my marriage to my father. my father is a very respectable
man .he will not be able to take this setback coz he will feel betrayed from my
side.on the other hand the girl is making my life hell by not cooperating with
me and mentally torturing me.i want ALLAH PAK to forgive me and show me the
right path. i love ALLAH PAK a lot.i want my sins (of betraying my parents
trust by not informing them and secretly marrying) to be forgiven. i am a very
religious man but my wife is not one. we have had numerous fights because of
her blasphemous attitude about religion and faith. i am not able to understand
what she wants from me. please help me for ALLAH`S sake.
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errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
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Answer:
Secrect marriage
divorce
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Question: ………….once in anger i divorced her thrice but immediately revoked what
i said and repented.she pushes me so much that i cant control myself.she fights
a lot.i divorced her again in a fit of anger but immediately revoked it again
and repented.this time i said only once in anger……….please help me for ALLAH`S
sake.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 5 (part):
5 (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are
believers but chaste women among the People of the
Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and
desire chastity not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work
and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all
spiritual good).
The honorable institution of ‘Nikaah’ and marriage in
Islam is a public affair; it is the evil of ‘zina’ which one does in privacy
and secrecy!
Respected brother, by developing and maintaining a secret
and illicit relationship with a non-mehram woman, committing the abomination of
the grave sin of ‘zina’ or pre-marital sex, marrying the woman in secrecy
without informing your parents and the society, divorcing your wife three times
irrevocably and then unlawfully taking her back again, then again divorcing
her, etc…..the truth is brother, you have made a complete mockery not only of
the noble institution of marriage, but of the Laws and the Prescribed
Boundaries of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 230:
230 So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably) he cannot after that
remarry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced
her.
In that case there is no blame on either of them if they reunite
provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah
which He makes plain to those who understand.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘There are three
things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious:
Marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3292 Narrated by Mahmud ibn Labid
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was informed
about a man who had divorced his wife, declaring it three times without any
interval between them, he (saws) arose in anger and said, "Is a
mockery being made of the Book of Allah Who is Great and Glorious, while I am
amongst you?" As a result a
companion got up and asked, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) shall I kill him?"
The absolute majority of the scholars are of the opinion
that if one pronounces three divorces to one’s wife at one time, they will
count as three and an irrevocable divorce will be established between the
couple in the Sight of Shariah Law and in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. That was the ruling of even the noble
companions of the Messenger of Allah (saws) of the stature of Hadrat Abdullah
ibn Abbas (r.a.) and of Hadrat Abu Hurayrah (r.a.), etc.
Al-Muwatta Hadith 29.37
Yahya related from Malik from Ibn Shihab from
Muhammad ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Thawban that Muhammad ibn Iyas ibn al-Bukayr
said, "A man divorced his wife three times before he had consummated the
marriage, and then it seemed good to him to marry her. Therefore, he wanted an
opinion, and I went with him to ask Abdullah ibn Abbas and Abu Hurayra on his
behalf about it, and they said, 'We do not think that he should marry her until
she has married another husband.'
If you have already pronounced three divorces in the
marriage, regardless of whether in anger or in jest, an absolutely irrevocable
divorce has been established in your marriage in the Sight of Shariah Law and
in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. It is
not lawful for you to ever remarry the same woman again (leave alone pronounce
a divorce upon her again!) until the woman happens to marry a new husband, and
her new husband, happens to divorce her, or he dies!
Your
Question:……….please help me for ALLAH`S sake.
Respected brother, the one and only person who can help
you now is ‘you’ yourself! Whatever you
might have chosen to do in your past, you still have time to turn unto your
Lord in ‘taubah’, seek sincere forgiveness from Him for your sins, amend your
conduct, and strive your absolute utmost to live the rest of your life within
His Prescribed Boundaries. If you are
indeed sincere in your efforts, it is expected that you will find your Lord
Forgiving and Merciful.
Whatever deeds one might have done in one’s past, if one
turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran
that He will forgive all the sins of such a repentant believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of
all: ‘Shirk’! Not only that, The Lord is
so Merciful and Generous, that He not
only will forgive the sins of the believer,
He will change their evil deeds done into good deeds!
The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or
Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah
Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged
their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely,
Allah forgives all sins. He indeed
is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before
the scourge overtakes you; for then you
may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale
Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much,
who, if ever they commit a base deed or
wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their
shortcomings. For who, but Allah,
can forgive sins? (And Allah
loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from
Allah, and with Gardens beneath which
canals flow, and they will reside
therein forever! How excellent is the
reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah
Furqaan verses 63-71:
The (true) servants of the Merciful are those
who walk humbly on the earth. When the
ignorant people behave insolently towards them,
they say, “Peace to you”; (And
those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before
their Lord and pray, “O our Lord, save
us from the torment of Hell, for its
torment is killing! It is an evil
abode, and an evil resting place”. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly,
but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but
Allah Alone, nor kill a soul
unjustly, which Allah has
forbidden, nor commit adultery… He who does
this shall be punished for his sin, and
his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of
ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE
REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE
BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For
then, Allah will change his evil deeds
into good deeds, and He is very
Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous
deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly
should!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah
Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our
Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule
of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil
in ignorance, and thereafter repented
and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who
repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah
accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in
death."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the
Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy
servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied,
"By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them
as long as they ask My forgiveness!"
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan