No matter what i say about moving she is not willing to accept it, even if i get a good job, able to provide for the family and buy a house there she still does not accept it.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
As
Salaam Aleikum. I have a concern regarding parents, family and married life. I
am a
I want
to live and work in an area, a country where i know i will be able to better
myself and follow the true path of islam as best as i could.
Insha
Allah i will be getting married in July 2008 and my degree is completed in June
2008. We have had mungni this year in June 2007, she is my aunty's (mothers
sister) daughter and I and her are very pleased with this relationship.
I have
been talking to my mother for a few months now trying to convince her to move
to
My
mother is the best i just do not have a mother son relationship with her but
also a friendship since i tell her everything.
No
matter what i say about moving she is not willing to accept it, even if i get a
good job, able to provide for the family and buy a house there she still does
not accept it.
Here
in the
I am
really in a bind i do not know what to do. It is not a just a matter of my
happiness but i also fear that one day when i will have children they will do
the same things that i did, i very difficulty changed myself around and i want
them to grow to be pious muslims, i feel that this can only be achived in
Pakistan Lahore.
Can
you tell me if it will be sinful for me to leave my parents and move to
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Move against parents
will
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot
over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to
one’s parents in Islam…… Second only to the heinous and the ultimate
abomination of ‘shirk’ in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be undutiful
to one’s parents!
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or
both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain
was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to
parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors
who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what
your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said,
"Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
To join others in worship with Allah,
To be undutiful to one's parents,
To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden
to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
And to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Your
Question: Can you tell me if it will be sinful for me to leave my parents and
move to
If one’s parents are not too old and are healthy enough to
take care of themselves, or if they have other off-springs who can take care of
them and serve them….it is not necessary that every single off-spring has to
live with their parents.
If one amongst the off-spring wishes to migrate form one
land to another, only so that they may better practice their deen, there is
absolutely no harm and unless and until they have an absolutely genuine reason
to stop them, the parents should give them their consent and permission to make
the migration.
Respected brother, in your particular situation, you
should strive to the best of your ability….and with absolute patience, humility,
tenderness, and kindness….and try to convince your parents regarding the merits
of your move to the land of your choice.
If for any reason your parents do not wish to migrate with you at this
time, and unless and until they have a genuine reason to stop you from
migrating, they should give their consent and allow you to migrate.
It would obviously be best, and piety and righteousness in
the Sight of Allah Subhanah that you move only after you have been able to get
the consent of your parents. But if
after your very best efforts, your parents do not give their consent, nor
provide you a genuine and valid reason to stop you from migrating, the majority
of the scholars and the jurists in Islam are of the opinion that if you did
chose to migrate to another land only so that you could save yourself from
‘fitnah’ and better practice your deen….then there would be no sin or blame
upon you. And Allah Alone Knows Best.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan