Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualaikum va Rahmatullahi va Barkatahu,

 

I am working here in Saudi Arabia as a electrical maintenance engr, brother I belong to a very middle class family and my parents used to fight with each other regularly but now my father left our home the reson is that my mother never giver give respect to his sisters and my mother thinks that her sister in laws never give repect to her and the situation become very critical secondly there is my elder brothers marriage coming soon so in order to call my father he his responding that all of you are the same and every time all you take side of your mother and never respect me and so I will never attatin his marriage and thus my brother, mother, myself, my sister all of us are very upset can you pls tell me how come I give a call to my father so that we can live happily and on such cases what was the criteria of our prophet Muhammad (SAWS) to solve such cases, we feel very embarrassed and shy in all of our family because of my father and he used to Embarrassed our new relatives of my brother also, pls reply soon so that I can get the answer and respond accordingly.

 

Thanks and best regards,

 

Allah hafiz

 

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Answer:

 

Mother father fight child take sides

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

There is absolutely no doubt that a fight between one’s parents is absolutely heart-wrenching for a child, but the child does not have a right to enter or take sides, or ever to physically or verbally engage himself in a fight between his parents.  The absolute most an off-spring, if indeed he/she sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day, could do is practice absolute wisdom and try to humbly talk to the one who is abusive and oppressive and instill the fear of Allah into them, and also guide the one who is being oppressed and abused towards patience. 

 

But under no circumstances should the child ever do anything or use terms that would be disrespectful or discourteous towards either of his parents.  In such trying and unfortunate circumstances, what the child can and must do is remain constant in his supplication to the Lord Most Merciful and beg Him to have mercy on his parents.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone!  Treat your parents with great kindness;  if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them;  nor rebuke them;  but speak to them kind words.  Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord,  be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

 

Your Question: ……can you pls tell me how come I give a call to my father so that we can live happily and on such cases what was the criteria of our prophet Muhammad (SAWS) to solve such cases,

Time and time again has Allah and His Messenger (saws) commanded and guided the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to honor the ties of kinship, absolutely regardless of their deeds and actions.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 6 (part):

Blood-relations amongst each other have closer personal ties in the Decree of Allah….

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 177:

177    It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces toward east or west; but it is righteousness to believe in Allah, and the Last Day, and the Angels and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance out of love for Him for your kith and kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer and practice regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient in pain (or suffering) and adversity and throughout all periods of panic.  Such are the people of Truth, the Allah-fearing.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 90:

90      Allah Commands justice the doing of good and liberality to kith and kin and He forbids all shameful deeds and injustice and rebellion: He instructs you that ye may receive admonition.

 

Allah Subhanah has given no one the right to break the blood relations which the Lord Himself has created for mankind…..absolutely regardless of whatever might have transpired in the past, or whatever one fears might happen in the future…..it would be absolutely unlawful, illegal and a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord for one to break or sever relations with ones kith and kith, or relations which the Lord Most Majestic Himself has created for mankind.  

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad  verse 25:

As for those who break their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on the earth,  their’s shall be the curse, and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:

And He leads astray only those who disobey Allah,  who break Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the Earth.   These are indeed the people who are the losers.

 

Respected brother in Islam, absolutely regardless of whatever your father might choose to do or say…..it is your duty and obligation if indeed you fear Allah and the Last Day that not only do you not break relations with him, but you strive your absolute utmost to develop and keep good relations with him, and to do good to him, expecting your reward from none save your Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one of the names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin).’”

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.20 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr

The Prophet (saws) said, "’Al-Wasil’ (the one who does good to his relatives) is not he who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but ‘Al-Wasil’ is he who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him."

 

If the situation in your family has reached such a stage where your father refuses to meet with or attend family functions, you should strive your absolute utmost to approach him with the utmost humility, and tenderness, and kindness, seek forgiveness four him for whatever you might have said or done in the past which might have hurt his feelings, and do whatever is necessary to amend the ties of relationship with him….that would be piety and righteousness on your part in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan