My mother says i cannot take my wife and 2 kids back to the Gulf for it is the responsbility of my wife to take care of her.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
It is actually a
situation. I am in the Gulf, my father recently passed away, my married sister
and her daughter are with my mother now, since all is not well between her and
her husband. My mother is a very strict and demanding. Besides she has a very
soft corner for my sister. I never wanted to come to the Gulf, but now since my
father has passed away i cannot look at a career change immediately.
The question is i with my 9 months pregnant wife and 3 year old kid, we had
been to
Though i am working as a manager in the gulf, they permit us only 30 days
annual leave. Will i be doing justice to my wife and 2 small kids by being a
husband and father to them for only 30 days every year. Honestly i cannot live
without them, i have been away from them only for 2 months and i am going
crazy, it is by the grace of Allah that i have been able to handle my fathers
death and this living apart from my wife and children of 3 years and 3 months.
Besides if i bring my family to be with me in the Gulf and let my sister take
care of our mother, for she is already staying at our place due to her
situation with her husband. Besides with regards to all the family expenses i
am sending them money every month, both for our mother and for my sister and
her daughter.
Please do advise on this complex situation. It is not that i cannot make a
decision, but i want to make a decicion which is acceptable to our Allah.
One side i have responsbilities towards my wife and children, while on the
other side, my mother has the greatest right over me.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors
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confidentiality.)
Answer:
Balance of rights
mother wife
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or both of
them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain
was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 46 Surah
Ahqaaf verses 15-17:
15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his
mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child)
to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months.
At length when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty
years he says "O my Lord! grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor
which Thou hast bestowed upon me and upon both my parents and that I may work
righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my
issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and
truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."
16 Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and
pass by their ill deeds: (they shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a
promise of truth which was made to them (in this life).
17 But (there is one) who says to his parents "Fie on you! Do ye hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up even
though generations have passed before me (without rising again)? " And
they two seek Allah's aid (and rebuke the son): "Woe to thee! Have Faith!
For the promise of Allah is True." But he says "This is nothing but
tales of the ancients!"
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah
Anaam verse 151:
151 Say: "Come I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited
you from": join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your
parents: kill not your children on a plea of want; We provide sustenance for you and for
them; come not nigh to shameful deeds
whether open or secret; take not life which Allah hath made sacred except by
way of justice and law: thus doth He command you that ye may learn wisdom.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to
parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors
who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what
your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 215:
215 They ask thee what they should spend (in charity). Say: ‘Whatever ye spend that is good is
for parents and kindred and orphans and those in want and for
wayfarers. And whatever ye do that is
good Allah knoweth it well.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of
his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said,
"Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship
with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot
over-emphasize the importance and significance of the enjoinment of service to
one’s parents by Allah and His Messenger (saws) in Islam! In addition to the service of one’s parents,
Islam has also made it an obligatory duty of the man to fulfill his lawful
rights due to his wife and children; and piety and righteousness dictates that
one fear Allah their Lord, and strive to fulfill the due rights of each party
in full without effecting or usurping the rights of the other.
The wife is not duty bound or obligated by Shariah to
serve her husband’s parents (in-laws) in any way whatsoever, but if she, of her
own will and pleasure, chooses and wishes to serve her in-laws, she would be
doing a virtuous deed of ‘ehsaan’ (over and above her duty), and the husband
and his family should be extremely grateful and appreciative for her
efforts……the duty to serve one’s parents in Islam is laid squarely upon the
off-springs of the parents.
The parents of the husband do not have a right in Islam to
demand that their son’s wife stay away from her husband and serve them; it is
the son’s absolutely obligatory duty to make sure that either he himself serves
his parents, or he hires or arranges for a servant to serve their needs, or he
makes the necessary provisions to serve his parents until they are completely
satisfied.
Under the given conditions, the lawful options in Shariah
available to you are:
In conclusion brother, we reiterate again that one has due
rights to both, one’s parents and one’s wife (and children)….and piety and
righteousness in the Sight of Allah Subhanah would be to completely fulfill the
rights of each party without effecting the rights of the other. If Allah forbid, the rights of any party are
compromised or marginalized, you will indeed be held severely accountable in
the Court of Allah Subhanah for unjustly usurping the rights that were due from
you.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
