How do i avoid backbiting and how do i repent

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:


salamoa alaikum,

I hope you are fine..I`ve three questions to ask:

1) what is the importance of educating women in islam? and could you tell me any dua which I could read when studying.

2) my uncle`s wife has said some lies which my whole family believes in , me and some other people know the truth, so my aunt doesnt treat us well, like if i`m sitting alone with her she wont say a word to me, the most dissappointing thing is that everybody thinks she`s the muzloom. how should our relations be with her?

3)how do i avoid backbiting and how do i repent if I`ve done it?

Jazakallah khair. 


(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)




How to avoid backbiting

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Q-1: what is the importance of educating women in islam? and could you tell me any dua which I could read when studying.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 218         Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The seeking of (religious) knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim’.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 249         Narrated by Al-Hasan al-Basri

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘He whom death overtakes while he is engaged in acquiring knowledge with a view to reviving Islam with the help of it, there will be one degree between him and the Prophets in Paradise.’


There is absolutely no discrimination or distinction between the sexes in Islam regarding the seeking of knowledge; the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided that it is obligatory upon both, the believing men and the believing women to strive to seek knowledge. 


In light of the above guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws), the scholars and jurists in Islam have divided the seeking of knowledge into two parts:

  1. The seeking of religious knowledge
  2. The seeking of worldly knowledge


The scholars and jurists in Islam are of the opinion that the seeking of religious knowledge is ‘fard-ayn’ or absolutely obligatory upon every believer, men and women; and the seeking of worldly knowledge is what is known in ‘fiqh’ or Jurisprudence as ‘fard-kifaya’ or conditionally obligatory upon the believers, men and women.  If some amongst the Muslim Ummah strive to possess the knowledge, it would suffice for all the believers; but if none amongst the Ummah strive to possess that knowledge, the whole Ummah will share the blame. 


Your Question: and could you tell me any dua which I could read when studying.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 20 Surah Taha verse 114:

114    High above all is Allah, The King, The Truth! Be not in haste with the Qur'an before its revelation to thee is completed but say "O my Lord!  Advance me in knowledge."


One of the best supplications one can make to their Lord Most Gracious when seeking increase in beneficial knowledge is to recite as often as is easy for them the above supplication: "O my Lord!  Advance me in knowledge."


Q-2) my uncle`s wife has said some lies which my whole family believes in , me and some other people know the truth, so my aunt doesnt treat us well, like if i`m sitting alone with her she wont say a word to me, the most dissappointing thing is that everybody thinks she`s the muzloom. how should our relations be with her?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verse 54:

54      It is He (Allah) Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of blood and of marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things).


Dear and beloved sister in Islam, the importance or significance in Islam of building and maintaining good cordial relations with one’s relatives cannot be over-emphasised….The Lord Most Gracious has commanded and made it absolutely obligatory upon the believers to keep good cordial relations with their relatives; so much so that if one breaks or severs relations with their relatives, the Lord Most High, Most Majestic will sever His relationship of Mercy with the person who severs relations with their relatives!


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad  verse 25:

As for those who break their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on the earth,  their’s shall be the curse, and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:

And He leads astray only those who disobey Allah,  who break Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the Earth.   These are indeed the people who are the losers.


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one of the names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin).


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.15 Narrated by Anas bin Malik

Allah 's Messenger (saws) said, "Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged, then he should keep good relations with his kith and kin."


Dear and beloved sister, if there happens to be one amongst your relatives who does or says something inappropriate and strives to strain relationships with her word or deed; you as a believer must repel her evil by being good and gracious to her, and forgive and overlook and even hide her faults, and treat her with due respect….for that then would be akin to piety and righteousness in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 33-36:

33      Who is better in speech than one who calls (another) to Allah works righteousness, and says "I am of those who bow in Islam"?

34      Nor can goodness and evil (ever) be equal.  Repel (evil) with what is better (good): then will he between whom and thee was hatred, become as it were thy friend and intimate!

35      And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint; none but persons of the greatest good fortune.

36      And if (at any time) an incitement to discord is made to thee by the Shaytaan, seek refuge in Allah.  He is the One Who hears and knows all things.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 22:

22      Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen those in want and those who have left their homes in Allah's Cause: let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.160         Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously; and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should unite the bond of kinship (i.e. keep good relation with his kith and kin); and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should talk what is good or keep quiet."


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.20 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr

The Prophet said, "The ‘Al-Wasil’ is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but ‘Al-Wasil’ is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him."


Q-3:how do i avoid backbiting and how do i repent if I`ve done it?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12:

12      O ye who believe!  Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs.  Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.


Sahih Muslim HadithHadith 6265      Narrated byAbuHurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Do you know what is backbiting?’  They (the Companions) said: ‘Allah and His Messenger (saws) know best.  Thereupon he (the Prophet (saws)) said: ‘Backbiting implies your talking about your brother (behind his back) in a manner which he does not like.’  It was said to him: ‘What is your opinion about this that if I actually find (that failing) in my brother which I made a mention of?’  He (saws) said: ‘If (that failing) is actually found (in him) what you assert, you in fact backbited him, and if that is not in him it is a slander!.’


Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4862  Narrated by AbuBarzah al-Aslami

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘O community of people, who believed by their tongue, and belief did not enter their hearts, do not back-bite Muslims, and do not search for their faults, for if anyone searches for their faults, Allah will search for his fault, and if Allah searches for the fault of anyone, He disgraces him in his house!’


Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4860  Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When I was taken up to heaven I passed by people who had nails of copper and were scratching their faces and their breasts.’  I asked: ‘Who are these people, O Jibrael?’  He replied: ‘They are those who were given to back biting and who aspersed people's honour.’


The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

  1. One is aware that he has sinned,  and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
  2. Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
  3. Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness,  before he has met with his appointment of death.
  4. Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter. 



Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely,  Allah forgives all sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs,  say: "Peace be on you!  Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy.  Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct),  Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."


May the Lord Most Merciful accept your striving in abstaining from what He has Declared forbidden, and count your striving amongst your good deeds Insha Allah. 


Beloved sister in Islam, if you have realized that you have sinned against the commands of your Lord, and are sincerely sorry and ashamed at your sin, and you have sincerely turned to your Lord seeking His forgiveness, rest assured that your Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful will forgive you your deed and not hold you accountable for what happened in the past. 


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 66 Surah Tahreem verse 8:

8        O ye who believe!  Turn to Allah with ‘tawbatan nasooha’ (absolutely sincere repentance): in the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, the Day that Allah will not permit to be humiliated the Prophet and those who believe with him.  Their Light will run forward before them and by their right hands while they say "O Our Lord!  Perfect our Light for us and grant us Forgiveness; for Thou has power over all things."


But if one so fears their Lord, and is so upset at oneself for transgressing the boundaries of their Majestic Lord, and is so sorry and so ashamed that their heart will not find peace until they strive and right the wrong they have done, and thus one personally goes and seeks the forgiveness of their brother/sister whom one has backbited and thus wronged; then this their state and striving is what Allah Subhanah calls ‘tawbatan nasooha’ in His Glorious Quran: and this is the absolute best and highest form and method of seeking ‘tawbah’!  


When one makes and manifests ‘tawbatan nasooha’, not only will their Lord Most Merciful forgive them their sin; but from His Sublime and Infinite Mercy and Grace count this striving of theirs as amongst their best and meritorious deeds worthy of earning magnificent and unbelievable rewards from Him.  Such is the Mercy, Grace and Bouny of our Lord Most Gracious, who is indeed the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy!


Sahih Muslim Hadith 4207     Narrated by Imran ibn Husayn

A woman from the Juhaynah (tribe) came to Allah's Messenger (saws) and she had become pregnant because of adultery.  She said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws), I have done something for which (prescribed punishment) must be imposed upon me, so impose that.’  Allah's Messenger (saws) called her master and said: ‘Treat her well, and when she gives birth  bring her to me.’  He did accordingly. Then Allah's Messenger (saws) pronounced judgment on her.  Her clothes were tied around her and then he gave the order and she was stoned to death. He then prayed over her (funeral).  Thereupon Umar said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws), you offer prayer for her although she had committed adultery!’  Thereupon he (saws) said: ‘She has made such a repentance (taubatan nasooha) that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Medina, it would be enough!  Have you found any repentance better than that she sacrificed her life for Allah, the Majestic?’


In the above narration, the woman who committed the evil sin of ‘zina’ could have very well sought repentance directly from her Lord and saved herself from being disgraced and humiliated and punished in the life of this world; for her repentance to her Lord would have sufficed to wipe out her sin.  But this woman so feared Allah, and so sought to make ‘taubatan nasooha’, that she herself went to the Messenger of Allah (saws), confessed her sin, and asked him to prescribe the Shariah punishment on her!  Such was the intensity and acceptability of her repentance in the Sight of the Lord Most Gracious, that not only did Allah Subhanah forgive her the sin of ‘zina’, but if the reward she earned for making this sincere repentance were to be divided amongst 70 men of Madinah, it would have sufficed for them!  


Thus my beloved sister in Islam, if inadvertently or in ignorance you have back-bited someone in your past, it would be best, purest, and akin to piety to make ‘tawbatan nasooha’ and go back to the brother/sister whom you back-bited, confess to them your sin against them, and ask them to forgive you…..if you do this sincerely, not only will your Lord Most Merciful forgive you your sins, but none can possibly even imagine the rewards that this striving might earn you in the Presence of your Lord Most Gracious.


Your Question: how do i avoid backbiting

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, the only way to avoid transgressing any boundary of the Lord Most High is to develop ‘taqwa’ or the fear or consciousness that on One Inevitable Day all will be undoubtedly gathered in the Presence of their Lord Most Majestic to give a full accounting of each and every one of their deeds….nothing, and we reiterate, absolutely nothing can stop man from falling in perpetual sin except the constant remembrance and fear of the Lord Most Majestic’s Inevitable and Tumultuous Tribunal.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,




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