I am alhumdulillah engaged to my cousin brother,as he lives in a foreign country

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:


Assala mualikum wrwb brother,

My question to you is that i am alhumdulillah engaged to my cousin brother,as he lives in a foreign country and i did not see him since 15 years ,alhumdulillah he follows islam and so he akraedy askedu that can we talk on phone ,his and my parents are aware of it.we stopped talking for a while buti could`nt take it and then i forced him to call me again though he tried a lot to convince me not to talk but i believe satan is always there with me .its like now we talk to each other rarely that it once in a week or once in two weeks but as we talk,we get into ramantic stuff and he gets desperate and he kisses me on the phone and he wants me to respond to his kissing me on the phone and now it happened so that if i dont talk to him or romantic stuff i feel depressed.so i get goose bumps and i naturally get desperate as i get into this i enjoy it a lot and i disharge something which i have no idea abt wat shall i do?i like the way he kisses me and the discharge is sometimes too much.i know its wrong but i cannot help it and the second thing is that there is around an year or may be more time for our marriage.I alraedy discussed my desperateness to my fiancee but his parents want me to finish my degree studies and then would like him to get us married .please help me with this problem i dont know why i dont havr regrets over it coz i love him a lot i like his character and yes this is an arranged marriage fixed by our parents .he has a wonderful character.i want u to herlp me with my problem i cannit discuss this with my fiancee also.i tried to avoid my fiancee of kissing me but he gets frustrated and bangs the phone sometimes so i avoid denying him to do it .hope u undertand my problem


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Engaged and talk on phone

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, an ‘engagement’ between a man and a woman to marry has absolutely no legal basis or standing in Shariah, and the man and the woman will be considered non-mehrams to each other until their actual ‘nikaah’ is performed.


Unless and until their ‘nikaah’ is performed, all the restrictions and limitations and commandments that are prescribed in the Quran and Sunnah between two non-mehram members of the opposite sex must be honored and followed by those who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day. 


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260         Narrated by Ibn Abbas

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The ‘zina’ of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the ‘zina’ of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires, and the private parts testify all this or deny it."


If they meet or talk to each other in private, regardless whether physically or through the mediums of phone or the internet;  or feel, touch or (Allah forbid) do things which are only legal after they have united themselves in the sacred institution of marriage, it would indeed constitute a grave sin in the Sight of their Lord.


The boy and the girl who have committed these grave errors in ignorance should immediately turn to their Lord seeking sincere forgiveness for their transgression and absolutely abstain from disobeying the limitations and commands of Allah Subhanah; it is expected that they will find their Lord Forgiving and Merciful.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely, Allah forgives all sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who,  if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin,  remember Allah instantly,  and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings.  For who,  but Allah,  can forgive sins?   (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.   These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah,  and with Gardens beneath which canals flow,  and they will reside therein forever!   How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!


Your Question: please help me with this problem

Beloved Sister, without an iota of a doubt, your current relationship with your cousin is absolutely against and a manifest transgression of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, and a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord Most High.


Beloved sister, under the circumstances related by you in your letter, you have only two lawful options:

  1. Fear the Wrath and Anger of Allah, and abstain from keeping such contact with your cousin until you are formally united with him in the sacred bond of marriage.
  2. If the two of you cannot bring yourself to do that, then implore your parents to perform the ‘nikaah’ between you and your cousin now and solemnize your marriage at a later date, whenever it is convenient to both parties.  Once the ‘nikaah’ is performed between the two of you, everything that is lawful unto a married couple in Islam would be absolutely lawful unto the two of you.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,




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