We have taken our relationship one step further then we should and it was islamically wrong.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
I have
met this girl and she is what i want she will look after my family and
everything and we have taken our relationship one step further then we should
and it was islamically wrong. I want to marry her biut i do not know the
right way to go about it. I have had sex with her so will it be wrong
for me to not marry her?
Please
help me
Allahafiz
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Sex Before Marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your
Statement: we have taken our relationship one step further then we should and
it was islamically wrong.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 5:
5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful
unto you and yours is lawful unto them.
(Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are
believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your
time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness
nor secret intrigues. If anyone
rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the
ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
Beloved Brother in Islam, Allah Subhanah has absolutely
forbidden for a believer to develop or form a lewd or secret relationship with
a non-mehram woman. All Praise is due
to Allah Alone Who has blessed you to realize that you have crossed His
Declared Boundaries and done a thing which is a grave sin in the Sight of Allah
Subhanah.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah
Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged
their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives
all sins. He indeed is the All
Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him
before the scourge overtakes you; for
then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale
Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much,
who, if ever they commit a base deed or
wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly,
and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who,
but Allah, can forgive
sins? (And Allah loves those) who do
not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.
These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals
flow, and they will reside therein
forever! How excellent is the reward
of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah
Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our
Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the
rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you
did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most
Merciful."
Beloved Brother in Islam, regardless of whatever error you
have done, turn to your Lord in sincere repentance and seek His forgiveness; it
is expected you will find your Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Your
Question: I want to marry her biut i do not know the right way to go about
it.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were
young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O
young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him
lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should
fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said,
"When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear
Allah regarding the remaining half."
Islam has made the process of marriage a very easy and
simple affair, and has encouraged the believers to marry….so much so that the
Messenger of Allah (saws) called marriage ‘half of the deen’!
All one has to do when one wishes to marry is, either
himself or through someone else, approach the parents or guardians of the girl
and seek their permission to marry their daughter. The parents will then seek the consent of their daughter, and
once she accepts the proposal, the next process in marriage are extremely
simple.
You will need to offer a ‘mehr’ or ‘marriage gift’ to your
prospective bride according to your ability, and if all the above conditions
are agreed in the presence of at least two witnesses, you can be married to the
girl.
Thus, in effect, the obligatory conditions of an Islamic
marriage are:
To legalize the marriage in the sight of law, you might
need to approach a ‘Qadi’ or ‘Judge’ who has been vested with the authority by
the government to join people in matrimony, and if all the above conditions of
Islamic marriage are fulfilled, it should not take more than a few minutes to
solemnize your marriage.
It is a highly encouraged and preferred Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allah (saws) for the groom to offer a ‘walima’ or ‘marriage feast’
after the solemnization of one’s marriage.
Your
Question: I have had sex with her so will it be wrong for me to not marry her?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verse 5:
5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful
unto you and yours is lawful unto them.
(Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women
who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed
before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not
lewdness nor secret intrigues. If
anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in
the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah
Nur verse 3:
3 Let no man guilty of ‘zina’ (adultery or fornication) marry any but
a woman similarly guilty or an unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an
unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.
Such is the gravity of the evil sin of ‘zina’ in the Sight
of Allah Subhanah, that He has forbidden the believers to marry one guilty of
this grave and heinous sin! But as is
the principle in Islam, if one is guilty of ‘zina’ and seeks sincere repentance
from the Lord Most Merciful and subsequently amends his conduct, Allah Subhanah
will delete the sin from his ‘Book of Records’.
Thus to answer your question, if the two of you have
sought sincere forgiveness from your Lord Most Merciful, there is no harm if
the two of you wish to get married and live your lives within the boundaries of
Islam. But if you feel that your
partner is not sincerely repentant and is likely to carry out the same sin
again, it would be best not to marry her and seek someone else in marriage.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in
Islam,
Burhan
