Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

dear brother,

i am 18 years old i have so far avoided doing zina but i cannot control myself i am attracted to many women and i get aroused for no certain reasons what can i do stop thisi have read on this website that we should get married as soon as possible but i am to scared to ask my parents to get me married to the girl i like and i have not even told her that i like her what can i do.the girl i like is not that type of girl she does not chat to boys or anyting so what can i do?

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Control sexual desire

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Statement: i am 18 years old i have so far avoided doing zina but i cannot control myself i am attracted to many women and i get aroused for no certain reasons what can i do stop this

Dear and beloved brother, it is only natural and a decreed process of life that one who is young and at the thresh-hold of the age of adulthood is severely attracted physically to a non-mehram member of the opposite sex. 

 

Islam has recognized this natural physical attraction between and the non-mehram man and the woman, and has permitted and allowed mankind to fulfill their natural physical hunger and desire through the sacred institution of marriage alone; and declared all other routes that fulfill this natural desire and hunger as absolutely forbidden and a grave sin.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 23 Surah Muminoon verses 5-7:

5        (The believers are those) Who scrupulously guard their private parts,

6        Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess; for (in their case) they are free from blame

7        But those whose desires exceed those limits are transgressors!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096        Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari HadithHadith 8.799 Narrated bySahl bin Sad

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whoever guarantees me (the chastity of) what is between his legs (i.e. his private parts), and what is between his jaws (i.e., his tongue), I guarantee him Paradise."

 

Your Statement: what can i do stop this

Islam does not require nor is it possible for one to stop this natural physical attraction to a member of the opposite sex….but what Islam guides is that one control one’s temptations, and fulfill this natural desire through the legal, lawful, virtuous, sacred, and righteous channel of marriage alone.

 

Your Statement: i have read on this website that we should get married as soon as possible

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4  Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

 

The natural physical hunger and desire that exists in man can be lawfully fulfilled only through the sacred institution of marriage in Islam; and if the conditions of one are such that they need to delay or postpone their marriage for any reason, and they wish to temporarily control their severe temptation and desire, the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided them to observe voluntary fasts, for fasting helps increase the fear of Allah and thus diminish their unlawful temptations.

 

Your Question: but i am to scared to ask my parents to get me married to the girl i like and i have not even told her that i like her what can i do.the girl i like is not that type of girl she does not chat to boys or anyting so what can i do?

Dear and Beloved brother in Islam, love and hate, like and dislike, joy and sorrow, smile and weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind!  What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!

 

To love or be attracted to someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!

 

If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives, it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

 

But if one falls in love, and strives to meet the person in secret and in private, and in their love transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. 

 

It would only be akin to piety and righteousness that you inform your parents about your desire to marry the girl you like….and if you disclose this honorable desire of marriage to your parents with wisdom, humility, piety and righteousness it is expected that they will be more than happy to give their consent to your marriage, Insha Allah.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan