I have been married to my lover(girl) secretly without my parents knowledge

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

i have been married to my lover(girl) secretly without my parents knowledge.i have been staying with her for past 20 months.we had gone to qazi and did nikkah.my witness was one of her cousin friend and she also had witnesses who were his cousin and friend.keep in mind that there was no one from my relation or family nor from her family or relation.lately when i father came to know about this, he disagreed our marriage and he said this is not the way it should be.moreover, valima, reception, has not been done yet.most of the people said valima is very important, as u cannot stay with her.


2. my father has asked me to leave her,my wife, as he is my father, when a father says to his son to leave his wife, he should.this is mentioned in quran through our prophet ibrahim had said to his son prophet ismail to abandon his wife when he had gone to meet his son.according to this issue, my father also says, im asking you to leave your wife.


now im in a big confusion, whether to listen to my father or keep my wife going against my father.i know i was wrong in the 1st place when i got married.but that time i jst didnt know wht i was doing is rite or wrong. please help me solve this problem.i spoke to my father about accepting her, but he denied telling their shiya caste and her father is not a good man and has done black magic on me to get me married to his daughter so that he can in future take away all the property of mine.
i really dont know what is truth.but i dont want to hurt my parents and go against them since my father n mother are not keeping well these days.i want to make them happy and serve them. please please guide me to the right path.thank you very much


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Father demands son divorce

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Q-1: the validity of your marriage

Beloved brother in Islam, a marriage whereby all the obligatory conditions of Nikaah are fulfilled (proposal and acceptance, determination of mehr, presence of two witnesses, consent of the bride or her guardian, etc.) is absolutely valid, legal and lawful in the Sight of Shariah.  Because you fulfilled all the obligatory conditions required for a ‘Nikaah’, your marriage with the sister is obviously legal, valid and lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law….but because you intentionally did so in secrecy without the knowledge, consent and blessing of your parents, knowing fully well that they would disagree with your choice, you will be held severely accountable for your actions against your parent’s desires in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah. 


Unfortunately whatever happened has happened, and the only thing which you can do to atone for your disobedience to your parents is with absolute and abject humility, tenderness, and patience approach your parents and beg and implore them to forgive you your disobedience and beseech them to accept the choice you have made.  Simultaneously also turn back to your Lord Most Gracious seeking His forgiveness and implore Him to soften the hearts of your parents towards accepting your choice in marriage; it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.


Q-2: according to this issue, my father also says, im asking you to leave your wife.

Firstly brother, the incident of Hadrat Ibraheem (a.s.) guiding his noble son Prophet Ismail (a.s.) to divorce his wife is not mentioned in the Glorious Quran, but rather narrated by the Messenger of Allah (saws) in his authentic and established traditions.


One must understand that the command and guidance of Prophet Ibraheem (a.s.) to Prophet Ismail (a.s.) to divorce his wife was not based on frivolous reasons like race, caste, color, or wealth but his reasons were based on furthering and benefiting the Cause and Mission of Islam.


Now that you have already taken the step of disobeying your father and marrying a choice which you knew he would not approve of, it is only proper that with extreme and abject humility, tenderness, and wisdom you and/or your wife approach your father, and beg and implore him with extreme humility to forgive you your disobedience and to accept what has happened.  If you find that after your best efforts your father does not agree, there is absolutely no harm in seeking help from someone whom your father immensely loves or trusts like his parents, or his brothers or sisters, or even his closest friends who may implore him on your behalf to accept what has happened in the past.  And above all remain constant in seeking repentance from the Lord Most High and implore Him in absolute humility and in hope to forgive you your deeds and soften the heart of your father; it is expected you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.


Beloved brother, try and strive to the best of your ability but without any more lies and deception to keep both, your parents and wife; but if even after your best efforts, if ever you are put in the unfortunate situation where you have to choose one between your parents and your wife, then as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our humble advice to you would be to choose to keep and serve your parents and release your unfortunate wife.


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928        Narrated by Abud-Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."


May Allah Subhanah make your trial easy for you and give you the wisdom and the courage to take the necessary steps and make the decisions concerning your life which are closer to His Mercy and Grace than to His Anger and Wrath.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.




Your brother and well wisher in Islam,






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