I am a wife with age over 45 years and having a relationship with my office staff

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:


Dear Brother in islam.

I am a wife with age over 45 years and having a relationship with my office staff for the past 2 years. We arrange to meet and have sex 3 times in a year. We both know we are doing wrong thats why we always try not to have sex but desire overcome our will. I told him I do not want to do this wrong things but he say he cannot leave without me. And he says if I am single he will marry me. I cannot leave my husband and run after him because my husband is a good man eventhough he is selfish in our sex life. I am from a good family and I myself did not know how I can become such a women sleeping with another man. I hate myself for what I have done and at the same time I cannot run away from that world of sin eventhough I tried myself to advoid. Please help me.


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Adultery married woman

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32: Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 2: The woman and the man guilty of ‘zina’ (fornication),  flog each one of them with a hundred stripes,  and let not pity for them restrain you in regard to a matter prescribed by Allah;  if indeed you believe in Allah and the Last Day!    And let a section of the believers witness the punishment inflicted on them.


Zina (fornication and adultery) are considered amongst the gravest sins in Islam.   One can imagine the severity of the sin,  by the punishment Allah and His Messenger (saws) have decreed for the sin.  If one is living in an Islamic State and gets convicted of the sin of zina (adultery),  the punishment prescribed by Allah and His Messenger (saws) is that he/she should be stoned to death!!   And if the person dies without making Taubah or asking repentance from Allah Subhanah in the life of this world,  the punishment of the Hereafter in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah is even more severe than the punishment of the world!!   


Zina is considered such an evil and such a grave sin that Allah has advised the believers in the Holy Quran 17:32 .. ‘Do not even go near ‘zina’….’.   We are commanded by Allah not to even go near zina,  if indeed we fear Allah and the Last Day!!!


Your Question: I hate myself for what I have done and at the same time I cannot run away from that world of sin eventhough I tried myself to advoid. Please help me.

My dear and beloved Sister in Islam, regardless of whatever sins one might have done in one’s past, it is never too late to turn to their Lord Most Merciful and seek sincere forgiveness for their past deeds; it is expected that they will find their Lord Forgiving and Merciful. 


The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

One is aware that he has sinned,  and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.

Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.

Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness,  before he has met with his appointment of death.

Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter. 


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely,  Allah forgives all sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who,  if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin,  remember Allah instantly,  and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings.  For who,  but Allah,  can forgive sins?   (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.   These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah,  and with Gardens beneath which canals flow,  and they will reside therein forever!   How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71: The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth.   When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them,  they say, “Peace to you”;  (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, “O our Lord,  save us from the torment of Hell,  for its torment is killing!  It is an evil abode,  and an evil resting place”.  (And those) who,  when they spend are neither extravagant,  nor miserly,  but keep the golden mean between the two extremes.  (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone,  nor kill a soul unjustly,  which Allah has forbidden,  nor commit adultery… He who does this shall be punished for his sin,  and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection,  and he shall abide in a state of ignominy;  EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS),  AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS.   For then,  Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds,  and He is very Forgiving and Merciful.   In fact,  one who repents and does righteous deeds,  returns to Allah as one rightly should!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54: When those come to you who believe in Our Signs,  say: "Peace be on you!  Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy.  Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance,  and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct),  Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving,  Most Merciful."


Your Statement: Please help me.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, the one and only thing that can help you abstain from committing this heinous sin ever again is the fear of Allah Subhanah!  If you could just only imagine what the state of each of us will be on that Tumultuous and Inevitable Day of Judgment, when each of us will be brought forth in the Majestic and Supreme Presence of the All-Mighty Lord to give a full accounting of the deeds we did in our lives!  That Day nothing will be hidden from our Lord, and our very hands, and legs, and tongues, etc. will bear witness against us and relate to our Lord exactly what we commanded them to do!  If one can only bring oneself to imagine the state of that Supreme Trial which will determine our eternal and everlasting fate of the lives in the Hereafter, one would strive to abstain from everything that would bring upon us the Wrath and Anger of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme!


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 120: Eschew all sin open or secret: those who earn sin will get due recompense for their "earnings."


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Fusselat verses 20-23:

20      At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their deeds.

21      They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" They will say: "Allah hath given us speech (He) Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and unto Him were ye to return.

22      "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, and your skins should bear witness against you!  But ye did think that Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do!

23      "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your Lord hath brought you to destruction and (now) have ye become of those utterly lost!"


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 79 Surah Naaziat verses 35-41:

35      The Day when Man shall remember (all) that he strove for

36      And Hell-Fire shall be placed in full view for (all) to see

37      Then for such as had transgressed all bounds

38      And had preferred the life of this world

39      The Abode will be Hell-Fire;

40      And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (Tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower Desires

41      Their abode will be the Garden.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 99 Surah Zalzalah verses 6-8:

6        On that Day will men proceed in companies sorted out to be shown the Deeds that they (had done).

7        Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good see it!

8        And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil shall see it.


Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in Islam we implore you, as we remind ourselves, to fear that Tumultuous Day when each of us will be presented before our Lord to give a full accounting of our deeds.  Beloved Sister, if you cannot live without this man with whom you are engaged in transgressing the bounds of Allah, divorce your husband and marry him; but we beg you in the name of Allah, do not continue this act of sin which would bring upon you the Unbearable and Untolerable Wrath and Punishment of Allah Subhanah on that Inevitable Day of Judgment! 


May Allah Subhanah help you and us, guide you and us, have mercy upon you and us, and give you and us the courage and the wisdom to control our lower desires from inciting us to do anything which would bring upon us the Wrath and Anger of our Lord All-Mighty.  May Allah guide you and us all to the Path that leads to His Mercy and save us from ever choosing to tread the path that leads to His Wrath, His Anger, and His Punishments.  Ameen.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your Brother in Islam,





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