Sister seeking divorce
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
AoA Brother,
I am writing to you regarding my marriage. I`ve been married for 6 years now
and I have a 5 yr old son. He`s the center of our universe. We both love him
very much. However, the distance between my husband and I seems to be growing
farther and farther due to many different situations that have happened back
when we first met and even the ones now, to this day continue to get us started
at each other. I know I loved this man with all my heart, but day after day, he
proceeds to hurt me emotionally. He has never hurt me physically, but tends to
joke about it, which I don`t find funny. Also, living with him is hurting me
health wise also. I have started getting terrible tension headaches which I
cannot bare and have had to see a neurologist and am currently taking
anti-seizure medication. It makes me sad to be in this situation for I wish I
could make everything better and we could be happy, but I don`t see that in our
future since whenever I`m around him, I sense completely negativity. Would it
be wrong for me, Islamically, to ask for a divorce. It is something him and I
have discussed and most of the time, he says I can leave. However, I`m not able
to support myself and my son for I am still a student at the University. I
shall be done with my education insha`Allah by the end of next year. If you
could please give me some insight as to if I do ask for the divorce, would I be
doing the wrong thing? and if it is not wrong, how do I go about talking to him
patiently about supporting us until I`m done with school. Thank you so much for
listening.
(There
may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum
does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from
our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
Sister
seeking divorce
In the
name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness.
Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray,
none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no
person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Islam has
given paramount importance to the concept of marriage, and guided the believers
who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to be faithful, respect and honor
each other, and fulfill each and every duty with benevolence and grace when
bonded in the sacred union of marriage.
But unlike the other religions, Islam has treated and respected the
nature or ‘fitrah’ of human beings, so that if two people bonded in a marriage
are not able to live their lives within the boundaries laid by Allah and His
Messenger (saws), they have been given a legal option to separate if they are
really determined to do so. Having made
divorce a legal option, Allah and His Messenger (saws) have constantly guided
the believers to respect the sacred bond of marriage; and made divorce a legal
gateway only as an absolute last resort.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated
by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful acts in Islam, the
most detestable to Allah is divorce.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated
by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more
abominable to Him than divorce.’
Dear and
Beloved Sister in Islam, the conditions described by you, in our humble
opinion, is one of the normal ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ one experiences in a normal
married life. Each condition is no more
than a trial, whereby Allah Subhanah tests His slaves whether they fulfill
their duties and responsibilities in adversity and prosperity alike; and it is
the Sunnah of Allah Subhanah that no condition, whether good or bad, stays forever.
Although
both marriage and divorce are both no more than a verbal contract made between
a man and a woman, the repercussions and implications of both these statements
are far-reaching not only for the people concerned, but on all those around
them. Thus, it does not behove a
believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to take the matter of
marriage or divorce lightly; as this one statement one releases from one’s
mouth can change the course of one’s life!
Although
at times divorce might seem a way out of the situation, most times it opens a
person to more and bigger trials. Thus a
decision as important as divorce should never be made in an emotional state,
but must be made only after all the pros and cons and ones conditions are
carefully examined and analyzed. In our
humble opinion and experience, if a person has ten reasons to seek divorce and
only one reason to remain married; the one who chooses to remain married has
made a better decision.
Your
Question: Would it be wrong for me, Islamically, to ask for a divorce.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated
by Thawban
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If any woman asks her husband for
divorce without some strong reason, the odour of
Wrong or
right when seeking divorce is a condition only the people involved in the
sacred bond of marriage have to determine.
If one has indeed a strong reason to seek divorce, there is no sin upon
him/her; but if without a valid reason one seeks or threatens divorce at every state
of adversity, then indeed it would be considered a sin in the sight of the
Lord.
Dear and
Beloved Sister, no human beings, except the Messengers of Allah, are perfect,
thus it is only natural that each person will have his set of deficiencies and
weaknesses. If one focuses on one’s
strengths and good rather than one’s weaknesses, one will definitely find a
characteristic in the person which will please them to strengthen their bond in
marriage. Getting married or seeking
divorce are relatively easy tasks, but remaining married and living within the
boundaries of Islam are where one will have the opportunity to earn the biggest
rewards.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216: But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you,
and that ye love a thing which is bad for you.
But Allah knoweth and ye know not.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a
believing woman (in marriage); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he
will be pleased with another.’
Dear and
Beloved Sister in Islam, as your sincere brothers and well-wishers in Islam, we
advice you as we remind ourselves, that whatever you do: fear Allah Subhanah
and do only what is pleasing to Him.
Whatever
written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance,
and whatever of error is of me. Allah
Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,
Burhan
