Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Salams brother, i would like to ask a question regarding rights over my husband. I am second wife to him, his 1st wife doesn`t want to know him (she seeking khulla, unless he divorces me) He has 3 children from this wife and had a brother married to my husband`s sister, her family has made this brother leave his wife (my husband`s sister). I think they would reconsider both marriages if he were to divorce me. Therefore his family has completely cut off from me, but they keep on phoning him to go around, if feel so left out and isolated, what do i do, he says that his mother has more rights over him than me. Usually what happens is that he makes promises like spending a full day with me, but as soon as his mum calls he just goes, even if it`s for a little while but this manages to ruin my day,he agreed on spending Sundays with me but never really managed to fulfill his agreement/promise, i have no social life, no friends and no family locally, i am suffering from depression and ill health. yet i feel he has no regard for me, keeps me in the house (doesn`t stop me from going out, but i have nowhere to go) but he goes out to socialize to his family, makes no effort towards improving my non-existent social life. He cannot really support me financially either, when he has money he will do the shopping but more often that not he has no money. I have ended up borrowing money on my cards for him.
I have mentioned separation and he seems quite happy with it, i think he would do it for his mum and sister.
What should i do? do i have any rights? I do not know who to turn to, please help.

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Answer:

 

Second wife divorce

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Question: do i have any rights?

Allah Says in The Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part): …….And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them, and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.

 

Beloved and dear sister in Islam, first and foremost you should know that Islam has given each of the wives the exact same rights towards their common husband; thus there is absolutely no room for one of the wives having a bigger right on her husband, regardless of whether she is the first or the last wife.

 

Your Question: What should i do?

Beloved sister, from the conditions of inter-related marriages between the two families, and the threat of divorce posed by the first wife, coupled with the break-up of the marriage of the husband’s sister makes this a very complicated case and an overwhelming burden on all the parties concerned. 

 

You would be well within your rights given by Islam to you, in demanding that your husband spend equal time with you; and if you did demand this right, there would be absolutely no sin upon you. 

 

But under the circumstances described in your letter, in our humble opinion, it would be considered righteousness and a good deed on your part if you showed patience and forbearance towards the emotional condition of your husband, and allowed him some time to settle the various issues; which one can only imagine he carries with him.  He was well within his rights to marry a second time, but the pressure from his first wife, and the threat she has posed of divorce if he does not divorce you, and the additional emotional pressure of his three children from his first wife, and above all the pressure and displeasure of his own mother at his marrying a second time which resulted in the break-up of his sister’s marriage, etc. must have taken a heavy emotional toll on your husband. 

 

This situation, the tremendous emotional pressure, and the ill-will that has been built up has to be sorted out by your husband with his wife, his children, his sister, his mother, and his extended family; but that would require that you give him a little time and sympathize with his situation by willingly sacrificing a few of your rights for the long-term interest of your marriage.  If you could bring yourself to do this, not only will it save your marriage and build the basis of a healthy relationship with your husband, but it will be counted amongst your righteous good deeds in the sight of Allah Subhanah, Insha Allah.

 

If you put further pressure on your husband to spend his time with you, his strength might just break and the easiest thing for him to do would be to dissolve his marriage with you; which apparently has been made to seem to him as the thing that has triggered this whole chain reaction.  Thus my beloved sister, it would only be wise that you practice extreme patience and wisdom, and give your full support and allow some time for your husband to sort out the issues surrounding this episode.  This will, Insha Allah, go a long way in strengthening your marriage and your relationship with your husband.

 

Beloved sister in Islam, also be constant in your remembrance and supplications to Allah Subhanah, for the Merciful Lord is well aware of the situation of each of His believing slaves.  May Allah Subhanah make your this trial easy for you, bestow upon you and your husband His Mercy, and give you the patience and the wisdom to navigate this trial from your Lord. 

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your Brother in Islam,

 

 

Burhan