Husband and Wife Relationship
Mu' meneen Brothers and
Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be
upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamu alaikum.
I have a question
regarding husband and wife relationship in Islam. I have read many literature on the husbands rights but have seldom come
across any literature which articulates a wifes right
other than to be fed, clothed and sheltered?
Should a brother
dictate to his wife every move she makes over and above what is required by Shari'a.
Should he get angry at her for the smallest of things and push her around and
shout and scream at her at the top of his voice with no consideration to others
in the house or the neighbours?
This is a repeated
scene. When the sister can bear no more she asks for a divorce but the
brother says she has no right to it? The brother sets one set of rules to
his wife and everyone and tries to dictate to everyone how they should live and
yet when it suits him he bends the rules for himself.
The brother has
stopped his wife from working. He spends too much money on friends and
family, kafir and muslims, when he has not enough to sustain
himself. He has debts to pay and has not paid the sisters Mahr yet. The sister cannot express an opinion but be
attacked for it. The brother is trying to practice Islam to the best of his
ability but he has a lot of personality problems. But he does not see it.
He has a very bad temper which he lets loose on a daily basis mostly on the
sister. As far as the brother is concerned everything is everyone else's
fault.
I know this is a lenghy question.
I apologise. But
there are some questions that cannot be summarized and I have tried my best to
give a brief scenario. What rights does a wife have if any? Is the brothers behaviour right or wrong?
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none
can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright.
We bear witness that there is no one (no idol,
no person, no grave, no
prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone,
and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of
His Messengers.
Your question: What rights does a wife have if any?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228:Wives have the
same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the
generally known principles. And men are
a degree above them; and above all is Allah, the All Mighty, All Wise.
Islam has given both man and
woman certain rights, responsibilities and duties according to their
nature. All the financial
responsibilities of the household is the
responsibility of the man. Even if his
wife is a millionaire, she is not required to spend a penny of it on the
household, if she does not wish to. It
is the responsibility of the man to provide for her food, clothing and shelter
according to his means.
In Islam, each family can be
considered a small State, and Allah has appointed the man as the leader of the
state, because of certain natural qualities and because they provide for the
family from their means. But having been
given the position of a leader in Islam does not mean that the man becomes an
arrogant and oppressive dictator like the leaders of the world! In Islam, when one is made a leader, his duty is to fear
Allah, and serve, protect and maintain
harmony in his state, by being a just, benevolent, and a loving servant-leader.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum
verse 21: And of Allah’s Sign is that He has created for you wives from your
own species, so that you may find peace with them, and (Allah has) created love
and mercy between you. Surely in this
there are many Signs for those who reflect.
Allah himself says that he has
created the relationship of husband and wife, so that we may find peace and
tranquility in this relationship. And
Allah has put love and mercy between the spouses, in this sacred relationship
of marriage. But this love, respect,
harmony, peace and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and
wife fear and obey Allah Subhanah, and give all the
rights that are due to their spouses.
The Messenger of
Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration:
“The Best amongst you, if the one who is Best to his wife.”
Thus, in conclusion, what is
required for a peaceful and loving marriage and a good wholesome life, is first and foremost the fear of Allah Subhanah; that one day everyone will have to stand alone in
the Court of Allah Subhanah to give a full accounting
of all his deeds. Once this
God-consciousness and piety is developed in the person, he will always try to
obey Allah and thus do all his deeds in the best manner, giving each the rights
that are due to them.
Your question: Is
the brothers behavior right or wrong?
From the information that you
have provided us, it surely seems that the brother’s behavior is wrong and
unjust. The Quran
and Sunnah commands the spouses in a marriage to take
extreme care of each others rights, like and dislikes, needs and wants, and
love, honor and cherish each other. The brother must fear Allah Subhanah, and fear his standing and accounting on an
Inevitable Day in the Court of Allah, where he will be brought as an unjust
oppressor and criminal.
If what you have related to us
in the letter is indeed true; the sister has two options according to the
teachings of Islam.
1. She may either bear these
atrocities with patience, and accept these unjust atrocities as a trial
from her Lord. If she can bring
herself to do this, she will earn a huge reward from Allah Subhanah
on the Day of Judgment; for Allah is indeed watching over everything.
2. She has the option of divorcing her husband,
and if Allah Wills and has Mercy on her; He may give her another husband who is
God Fearing and Pious, and will treat her with love, respect and honor as she
should be treated according to the tenets of Islam. If the conditions that you have stated above
are indeed true, and the sisters seeks a divorce from her husband under these
conditions; there will be no sin on her.
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He
is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother
in Islam,
