Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Burhan,

i am in love with a Bohri girl - but the parents of the girl are objecting for no reason they have some vauge apprehensions about my  stability and earning when the fact is that i am doing quite well as such and earning enough  to keep thier daughter happy . The thing is that I do not have parents, as 6 years back because of my step mother I was forced to leave home and I have no relations any more  with my parents. Nevertheless my family is there and also I have my own  house .he parenst are scaring the daughter as even she loves me as much.We both are wanting to get married as soon as possible but because of her parents she is expressing her reluctance in taking a decission against her parenst which is quite obvious for any girl . please advise on this My question is that are they doing the right thing stopping us from getting married ? 2.What should we do as we cantlive without each othwer but at the same time we need the blessings of all elders in her family as much as my family .

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

In Love with a Bohra girl

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol,  no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your comment: My question is that are they doing the right thing stopping us from getting married ?

In Islam, both the man and the woman have been given a right by Shariah to choose their life-partners; and neither can be forced into a marriage which they do not agree upon. 

And Islam also teaches that one should respect and obey their parents and elders.    We must always understand and acknowledge that our parents and elders are always our well-wishers, and whatever steps or objections they raise in our lives,  it is only because they care about our well-being and happiness.  

 

To answer your question of whether the parents have a right to stop you from getting married to their daughter; the answer is yes and no.  Allah has appointed them as the parents of the girl you want to get married,  and it is well within their rights to disapprove of the marriage;  especially if they think that the marriage would hurt the well-being of their daughter.

And because Islam has allowed every man and woman to choose and approve their marriage partners, you could very well go to a ‘qadi’ and he can marry the two of you,  even without the approval of the girls parents.

 

But we must understand that marriage is not only the union of two individuals,  but an union of two families.   It is possible that the parents of the girl are misinformed about you, and if you tried with patience and wisdom to make them understand;  there is always the chance that they may change their position.  

 

Your comment: What should we do as we cantlive without each othwer but at the same time we need the blessings of all elders in her family as much as my family .

The only thing you can do is be patient, and try to change the views that they may hold about you; and you must do these with utmost patience and wisdom.  And if somehow they can be convinced that you will take care of their daughter and keep her happy, they might change their mind.  Brother, at all times, you must remember and appreciate that whatever they are doing, they are only doing it because they sincerely love and care for their daughter, on whom they have spent a life-time and given a lot of sacrifices in raising.   

 

The other thing you can and must do at all times is pray to Allah Subhanah and supplicate Him sincerely that if this marriage is good for you in this world and the Hereafter,  He should make it easy for you.  And if this marriage is bad for you,  then let it not happen at all.   We must,  as believers,  always put our full trust in Allah;   He Alone has the knowledge of the seen and the unseen,  the past and the future,  the good and the bad.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:It may be that you dislike a thing and the same is good for you;  and you love a thing and the same is bad for you.   Allah knows but you do not know!

 

Try your best with wisdom and patience;  put your full trust in the Power and Mercy of Allah;  and then abide graciously with the will of Allah.  If Allah wills that you marry the girl you have chosen, no power or might in the world will be able to stop it; and if Allah wills otherwise,  no power or might can get the two of you married!    Thus whatever you do, fear Allah, and put your full trust in Him.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 186:And if  My servants ask you,  O Prophet, concerning Me,  tell them that I am quite near to them.   I hear and answer the prayer of the suppliant, when he calls on Me.  So let them respond to My call and believe in Me.  (Convey this to them), perhaps they may be guided aright!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chater 40 Surah Mumin verse 60:And Your Lord says, “Call upon Me.  I will answer your prayers.   Those who disdain My worship on account of arrogance, shall certainly enter Hell in disgrace!”

 

We pray that Allah makes your trial easy for you.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan