She does not gossip about them - The Ideal Muslimah

The Muslim Woman and Her Friends and Sisters in Islam

She does not gossip about them

The alert Muslim woman does not allow herself to be drawn into gossip or to attend gatherings where gossip takes place. She restrains her tongue and refrains from gossiping in general, and avoids backbiting about her friends and sisters in particular. She regards it as her duty to prevent gatherings from sinking to the level of cheap gossip, because gossip is clearly haram according to the words of the Qur'an:

( . . . Nor speak ill of each other behind their back. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it. But fear Allah, for Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.) (Qur'an 49:12)

The Muslim woman always refrains from indulging in any talk that could lead to gossip. From her understanding of Islam, she knows that it is the tongue that may lead its owner to Hell, as stated in the hadith in which the Prophet (PBUH) warned Mu`adh ibn Jabal. He took hold of his tongue and said, Restrain this. Mu`adh said, O Messenger of Allah, will we be held responsible for what we say? The Prophet (PBUH) said: May your mother be bereft of you! Is there anything that causes people to be thrown into Hell on their faces (or he said: on their noses) but the harvest of their tongues?⁴⁰

Note: 40. A sahih hasan hadith narrated by Ibn Majah, 2/1315, Kitab al-fitan.

Gossip is an evil characteristic which does not befit the Muslim woman who has been guided by Islam. Such a woman refuses to be two-faced, hypocritical or fickle, gossiping about her friends and sisters in their absence, then when she meets them, she smiles warmly and makes a display of friendship. She knows that such fickleness is haram according to Islam, which is based on straightforwardness, honesty and frankness. Such good qualities come naturally to believing men and women, for Islam has made them despise inconsistency, fickleness and hypocrisy. These characteristics are regarded as so loathsome by Islam that the one who possesses them is described as being two-faced, and those who are two-faced, men and women alike, are among the worst of people in the sight of Allah (SWT), as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

You will find among the worst people in the sight of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgement, the one who is two-faced, who approaches some people in one way and some in another.⁴¹

Note: 41. Fath al-Bari, 10/474, Kitab al-adab, bab ma qila fi dhi'l-wajhayn; Sahih Muslim, 16/157, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab dhamm dhi'l-wajhayn.

The true Muslim woman is straightforward and consistent, never two-faced. She is always bright and cheerful, and treats all people in the same, noble, manner. She never forgets that the woman who is two-faced is a hypocrite: Islam and hypocrisy do not go together, and the woman who is a hypocrite will be in the lowest level of Hell.

She avoids arguing with them, making hurtful jokes and breaking promises

Among the good manners of the true Muslim woman are a sense of moderation, wisdom and tact. She does not exhaust her friends with irritating arguments, she does not annoy them with hurtful jokes, and she does not break a promise that she has made to them. In this, she follows the guidance of the Prophet (PBUH):

Do not argue with your brother, do not joke excessively with him, do not make a promise to him then break it.⁴²

Note: 42. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/485, bab la ta'id akhaka shay'an fa tukhlifahu.

Excessive arguing is a repulsive habit that fills people's hearts with hatred and disgust; making hurtful jokes destroys the purity of a friendship between two sisters; and breaking promises weakens the ties of sisterhood and friendship, and destroys mutual respect. The alert Muslim woman avoids behaving in such a way that makes a person despicable.

She is generous and honours her sisters

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion is generous and gives freely to her friends and sisters. Her approach is friendly and sincere when she invites them, she welcomes them warmly and offers them food generously.

Friendly gatherings over food strengthen the ties of sisterhood and friendship between sisters, filling their lives with the sense of noble human emotions that have been lost by the Western woman raised in a materialistic culture, who has been filled with the spirit of opportunism, selfishness and individualism. The Western woman is suffering from spiritual emptiness and emotional dryness which result in a feeling of being deprived of true friendship and sincere friends. This is the situation of Westerners in general, and Western women in particular, and they compensate for it by devoting themselves to caring for their dogs, to makup for the lack of human emotional warmth drained from them by their materialistic philosophy. A French report states that there are seven million dogs in France, a country whose population is fifty-two million. These dogs live with their owners like one of the family. It is no longer strange in French restaurants to see a dog and its owner eating together at the same table. When an official of the animal welfare organization in Paris was asked, Why do the French treat their dogs like they treat themselves? he answered, Because they want someone to love, but they cannot find any person to love.⁴³

Note: 43. Prof. Wahid al-Din Khan, Wujub tatbiq al-shari'ah alislamiyyah fi kulli zaman wa makan ("The necessity of applying Islamic shari'ah in every time and place"), in al-Mujtama', No. 325, Kuwait, 24 Dhu'l-Qi'dah 1396/16 November 1976.

The materialistic man, whether in the West or in the East, can no longer find a true, sincere friend in his own society on whom to bestow his love and affection. So he turns to these animals in whom he finds more gentleness and faithfulness than in the people around him. Can man become any more emotionally degenerate than this extreme love for animals when he has lost the blessing of faith and guidance?

This emotional degeneration from which Westerners are suffering and which has dried up the human feelings in their souls, is one of the first things that attracted the attention of emigrant Arab writers, both Muslim and non-Muslim. They noticed that the materialistic lifestyle that has overtaken Western societies has made men into machines who know nothing in life but work, productivity and fierce competition, who do not know what it is to smile warmly at a friend. They are overwhelmed by the haste and crowds of this machine-like existence. Seeing all of this alarmed those Arab writers, who had grown up in the Islamic world and breathed its spirit of tolerance, and whose hearts were filled with brotherly love. So they began earnestly calling the Westerners towards the values of love and brotherhood. One of them was Nasib Aridah, who raised the banner of this humane call to the Westerner whose heart was stained with materialism and who had been blinded and deafened by the roar of the machines:

O my friend, O my companion, O my colleague, my love for you is not out of curiosity or a desire to impose on you./

Answer me with the words `O my brother!' O my friend, and repeat it, for these are the sweetest words./

If you wish to walk alone, or if you grow bored of me,/

then go ahead, but you will hear my voice, calling `O my brother,' bearing the message,/

and the echo of my love will reach you wherever you are, so you will understand its beauty and its glory.⁴⁴

Note: 44. Diwan al-arwah al-ha'irah, qism al-naz'ah al-insaniyyah.

The burden of materialistic life in the West became too much for Yusuf As`ad Ghanim to bear, and he could no longer stand this life which was full of problems and sinking in the ocean of materialism, and was devoid of the fresh air of spirituality, brotherhood and affection. So he began to long for the Arab countries of the Islamic world, the lands of Prophethood and spirituality, the home of love, brotherhood and purity. He wished that he could live in an Arab tent, and leave behind the civilized world with all its noise and glaring lights:

If I were to live a short life in any Arab land, I would thank Allah (SWT) for a short but rich life in a world where He is loved in the hearts of its people. I got so tired of the West that tiredness itself got bored of me. Take your cars and planes, and give me a camel and a horse. Take the Western world, land, sea and sky, and give me an Arab tent which I will pitch on one of the mountains of my homeland Lebanon, or on the banks of Barada or the shores of the Tigris and Euphrates, in the suburbs of `Amman, in the deserts of Saudi Arabia, in the unknown regions of Yemen, on the slopes of the Pyramids, in the oases of Libya. . . Give me an Arab tent, and I will weigh it against the entire world and emerge a winner. . .⁴⁵

Note: 45. See 'Isa al-Na'uri, Adab al-Mahjar, Dar al-Ma'arif bi Misr, p. 527

Many writings by emigrant Arab writers share the same tone, but it is sufficient to give just a few examples here. All of their writings express the emigrants' longing for the emotional richness that they missed when they came to the West, an experience which awoke in them feelings of longing for the East where Islam had spread love, brotherhood, mutual affection and solidarity.

Islam planted the seeds of love and brotherhood in the souls of its followers, and encouraged them to make friends and exhange invitations and visits. Those who invite others to these kinds of gatherings are described as being among the best of people:

The best of you is the one who offers food freely and returns the greeting of salam.⁴⁶

Note: 46. A hasan hadith narrated by Ahmad, 6/16.

The Prophet (PBUH) gave good news to those who are generous, men and women alike, that they will be among those who will enter Paradise in peace:

Spread salam, offer food generously, uphold the ties of kinship, stand in prayer at night when people are sleeping, and enter Paradise in peace.⁴⁷

Note: 47. A sahih hadith narrated by Ahmad, 2/295, and al-Hakim 4/129, Kitab al-at'amah.

The Prophet (PBUH) further encouraged these generous people with the promise of special chambers in Paradise:

In Paradise there are rooms whose outside can be seen from the inside, and whose inside can be seen from the outside. Allah (SWT) has prepared them for those who feed others generously, who are gentle in speech, who fast continuously, and who stand in prayer at night when people are sleeping.⁴⁸

Note: 48. A hasan hadith narrated by Ahmad, 5/343 and Ibn Hibban, 2/262, Kitab al-birr wa'l-ihsan, bab ifsha' al-salam wa it'am al-ta'am.

She prays for her sisters in their absence

The sincere Muslim woman whose heart is filled with the sweetness of faith likes for her Muslim sister what she likes for herself. So she never forgets to pray for her in her absence, a du`a' that is filled with the warmth of sincere love and sisterhood. She knows that such du`a's are the quickest to be answered because of their sincerity and warmth of feeling and the noble intention behind them. This is confirmed by the words of the Prophet (PBUH):

The quickest prayer to be answered is a man's supplication for his brother in his absence.⁴⁹

Note: 49. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 2/83, Bab du'a' al-akh bi zahr al-ghayb.

The Sahabah understood this and used to ask their brothers to pray for them whenever they were in a situation where their prayers would be answered. Men and women alike shared this virtue, which is indicative of the high level of the entire society during that golden period of our history. Bukhari reports, in al-Adab al-Mufrad, from Safwan ibn `Abdullah ibn `Safwan, whose wife was al-Darda' bint Abi'l-Darda'. He said:

I came to visit them in Damascus, and found Umm al-Darda' in the house, but Abu'l-Darda' was not there. She said, `Do you want to go for Hajj?' I said, `Yes.' She said, `Pray for me, for the Prophet (PBUH) used to say, The Muslim's prayer for his absent brother will be answered. There is an angel at his head who, whenever he prays for his brother, says, `Amin, and you shall have likewise.'' He (Safwan) said, I met Abu'l-Darda'

in the market and he told me something similar, reporting from the Prophet (PBUH).⁵⁰

Note: 50. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 2/84, Bab al-du'a' bi zahr al-ghayb.

The Prophet (PBUH) instilled team spirit in the souls of Muslim men and women at every opportunity, strengthening the ties of love for the sake of Allah (SWT) between them, spreading an attitude of selflessness, and uprooting the inclination towards individualism and selfishness, in order that the Muslim society should be infused with feelings of love, close ties, solidarity and selflessness.

One of the brillliant ways in which he instilled this team spirit was his response to the man who prayed out loud: O Allah (SWT), forgive me and Muhammad only. He told him, You have denied it to many people.⁵¹

Note: 51. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 2/85, Bab al-du'a' bi zahr al-ghayb.

In this way, the Prophet (PBUH) did not just correct this man alone, but he effectively instilled team spirit in the entire ummah of Islam, and taught every Muslim man and women, no matter when or where they lived, that it is not right for anyone who has uttered the words of the Shahadah to keep goodness to himself, because the believer should always like for his brother what he likes for himself.

In conclusion, then, this is how the Muslim woman who has received a sound Islamic education should be: she loves her sisters for the sake of Allah (SWT), and her sisterly love towards them is sincere and in their best interests; she likes for them what she likes for herself; she is keen to maintain the ties of love and sisterhood between them, and she does not cut them or forsake them; she is tolerant and forgiving of their mistakes and faults; she does not bear any hatred, envy or malice towards them; she always greets them with a cheerful, smiling face; she is kind and loyal towards them; she does not gossip about them; she does not hurt their feelings by being hostile or arguing with them; she is generous to them; she prays for them in their absence.

It is no surprise that the Muslim woman whose personality has been cleansed and moulded by Islam should have such noble characteristics. This is the miracle that Islam has wrought in the education and forming of human character, no matter where or when a man or woman lives.