The Muslim Woman and Her Relatives

She fully understands the meaning of upholding the tie of kinship

For the Muslim woman, the tie of kinship is multi-faceted. Sometimes it may involve spending money to ward off poverty and relieve hardship; at other times it may mean making visits to strengthen the ties of love; or speaking and smiling kindly and offering a warm welcome; or giving advice, showing compassion or making a selfless gesture . . . i.e., acts of goodness which will awaken and increase human feelings of love, compassion and mutual support between those who are related to one another.

Hence the Prophet (PBUH) urged Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship even in the simplest of ways:

"Maintain your ties of kinship even if it is merely with a greeting (i.e., saying al-salam `alaykum)."²³

Note: 23. Reported by al-Bazzar from Ibn 'Abbas, as stated by al-Haythami in Kashf al-astar, 2/373; its isnads strengthen one another, as stated by al-Sakhawi in al-maqasid al-hasanah, 146.

She maintains the ties of kinship even if her relatives fail to do so

The Muslim woman whose soul is infused with the true teachings of this religion upholds the ties of kinship and does not break them. She does not treat like with like, upholding the tie if her relatives uphold it and breaking it if they break it. The Muslim woman is one who always upholds the ties of kinship, because by doing so she is seeking the pleasure and reward of Allah, not equal treatment in return. In this way she sets the highest example of that refined human behaviour which Islam is always keen to instil in the souls of Muslim men and women. It is, in fact, a most difficult level to achieve, except for those whom Allah has guided and who have devoted themselves to seeking His pleasure. The Muslim woman who is truly guided by the teachings of her religion is among this noble group of women who are eager to treat their relatives well in accordance with the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH):

"The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship."²⁴

Note: 24. Fath al-Bari, 10/423, Kitab al-adab, bab laysa al-wasil bi'l-mukafi'.

This is the refined human attitude to which Islam wants all Muslim men and women to aspire in their dealings with their relatives. Hence the Prophet (PBUH) reinforced the attributes of kindness, patience and tolerance in the Muslims, especially in the case of the one who upholds the ties of kinship and receives nothing in return but harshness, mistreatment and cruelty. He (PBUH) stated that Allah is with the one who upholds the ties of kinship and does not receive similar treatment in return, and he drew a frightening picture of the punishment that awaits the hard-hearted person who harshly denies and breaks the ties of kinship. A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me; I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me." The Prophet (PBUH) said: "If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot dust in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that."²⁵

Note: 25. Sahih Muslim, 16/115, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab tahrim al-tahasud wa'l-tabaghud.

How important is the tie of kinship, and how heavily will it weigh in the balance of the believer! How unfortunate are those who neglect it and cut off the ties of love and kinship! How great will be the reward of the woman who upholds the ties of kinship and bears her relatives' harshness with patience, so that Allah Himself will support her against them, filling her heart with patience when they treat her badly and helping her to persevere in her noble attitude. How great is the sin of those men and women who break the ties of kinship, so that the Prophet (PBUH) likened such a person to one who eats hot dust as a punishment for breaking the ties of kinship when others are seeking to maintain it.

The true Muslim woman is one who upholds the ties of kinship no matter what the circumstances; she does not cut them off even if they cut her off. Thus she seeks the pleasure of her Lord, rising above the petty issues that may arise between relatives from time to time, and avoiding the insignificant matters that occupy the minds of lesser people and fill their hearts with hatred. She believes that she is above going down to the level of insignificant, foolish issues that cancel out good deeds and affecthe purity of the kinship tie. It never occurs to her to sink to such a level when she listens to the words of the Prophet (PBUH):

"The tie of kinship (rahm) is suspended from the throne of Allah, and says, `Whoever supports me, Allah will support him, and whoever cuts me off, Allah will cut him off.'"²⁶

Note: 26. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Riyadh al-Salihin, 191, Bab birr al-walidayn wa silah al-arham.