The Muslim and His Relatives

He maintains the ties of kinship even if his relatives are not Muslim

The tolerance and humanity of Islam goes so far as to enjoin upholding the ties of kinship even if the relatives are not Muslim. 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (r) said:

´I heard the Prophet (s) openly saying: 'The family of Abu So and so are not my friends, for my friends are Allah and the righteous believers. But they have ties of kinship with me, which I will recognize and uphold.' (Bukhari and Muslim)

When the ayah: ( And admonish your nearest kinsmen) (Qur'an 26:214) was revealed, the Prophet (s) summoned Quraysh. They gathered and he addressed them both in general and specific terms: ´O Banu 'Abdu Shams, O Banu Ka'b ibn Lu'ayy, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu Murrah ibn Ka'b, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu 'Abdu Manaf, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu Hashimi, save yourselves from the Fire. O Banu 'Abdul Muttalib, save yourselves from the Fire. O Fatimah, save yourself from the Fire. I cannot do anything to protect you from the punishment of Allah, but there are ties of kinship between us which I will recognize and uphold.' (Muslim)

The Muslim's heart overflows with humane emotions which spill over into his good treatment of his relatives, even if they are not Muslim. The expression of the Prophet (s), "but there are ties of kinship between us which I will recognize and uphold (literally 'moisten,)" is an example of Arabic eloquence, a metaphor in which the kinship tie (ra­m) is likened to the earth, and is "irrigated" by upholding it, so that it bears fruits of love and purity; if it is cut off, it becomes barren and produces only hatred and animosity. The true Muslim is on good terms with everyone and is liked by everyone, as they see good characteristics embodied in him.

Hence 'Umar (r) did not see anything wrong with giving a garment that the Prophet (s) had sent to him to his half-brother (through his mother), who was a mushrik. (Bukhari and Muslim)

We have already seen how Islam encourages us to treat our parents with kindness and respect, even if they are mushrikin, and now we see how it encourages us to treat our relatives equally well, even if they are not Muslims either. This is an indication of the tolerance and humanity of Islam, which is not surprising when we remember the words of Allah to His Prophet: ( We sent you not, but as a Mercy for all creatures) (Qur'an 21:107), and the saying of the Prophet (s): ´Verily I have been sent to complete good behaviour and attitudes.' (Malik, al-Muwatta)

He fully understands the meaning of upholding the ties of kinship

For the true Muslim, upholding the ties of kinship is one of the teachings of his faith. It is not just the matter of spending money - it goes much further than that. These ties are upheld by spending money on poorer relatives; and also by visits which reinforce the relationship, spreading mutual love and kindness; by advising and helping one another selflessly; by speaking kind words to relatives; by greeting them warmly with a smiling face and caring attitude; and by other good deeds which will fill hearts with love and extend ties of mutual support among one's relatives. This was the advice of the Prophet (s) who urged Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship in even the simplest ways:

´Maintain your ties of kinship even if it is merely with a greeting (i.e. saying al-salaam 'alaykum)'⁶

Note: 6. Reported by al-Bazzar, from Ibn 'Abbas, with several isnads that support one another.

He maintains the ties of kinship even if his relatives fail to do so

The true Muslim maintains the ties of kinship even if his relatives fail to do so, because the one who upholds this tie purely for the sake of Allah and in adherence to the highest Islamic teachings, does not expect to be treated equally well by his relatives in return. He always upholds the ties of kinship regardless of whether his relatives do so or not, to set an example in Allah's dealings with his relatives of the way Islam moulds people and makes them noble and decent. The Prophet (s) reinforced this meaning of the true Muslim when he said:

´The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship." (Bukhari)

The Prophet (s) offered advice which serves to reinforce the attitude of kindness, patience, forgiveness and tolerance in the heart of the person who is trying to uphold the ties of kinship but receives only rejection and bad treatment in return. He stated that Allah is with whoever seeks to treat his relatives well but does not receive similar good treatment in return, and he painted a frightening picture of the sin which befalls those who deny good deeds and refuse to uphold the ties of kinship. A man came to the Prophet (s) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they abuse me; I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me." The Prophet (s) said: ´If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot dust in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.' (Muslim)

See how Allah extends His support and help to the one who puts up with bad treatment from his relatives in response to his efforts to uphold his ties with them! Allah fills his heart with patience to bear their abuse and gives him strength to maintain his noble attitude. The Prophet (s) likens the sin which befalls those hard-hearted miscreants to the pain which befalls the one who eats hot dust, as a punishment for their abuse and mistreatment of this warm-hearted, generous person who only seeks to do what is right. So the true Muslim upholds the ties of kinship in every case, always seeking to earn the pleasure of his Rabb, rising above the foolish insults and bad behaviour that occasionally occur among relatives, and refusing to become embroiled in the petty, trivial issues that occupy lesser minds and make people angry. The true Muslim knows better than to allow foolish, petty matters affect his relationship with and attitude towards his relatives. He remembers the words of the Prophet (s):

´The tie of kinship (rahm) is suspended from the throne of Allah, and says: 'Whoever supports me, Allah will support him, and whoever cuts me off, Allah will cut him off.' (Bukhari and Muslim)