I would like to ask whether it is correct to have non mehrams as friends. I have a cyber friend,

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualaikum wrwb,


i would like to ask whether it is correct to have non mehrams as friends. I have a cyber friend, who is very good friend of mine. We just chat the normal stuff. We never disscussed anything which is illicit. We are friends from past 4yrs plus.


Is it okay to have a cyber friend. We haven`t seen each other until now. But i now started liking him in the sense to get married.

 

i wanted to know is it allowed in islam? i somewhere have guilty feeling about all this. but islam allows us to select our partner right? Please help

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Internet chatting cyber friend

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5        This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you.  The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them.  (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues.  If anyone rejects faith, fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter; he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118        Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram) woman the Shaytaan makes a third!"

 

Dear and Beloved sister in Islam, Islam absolutely prohibits and forbids the casual friendship, talking, meeting, etc. of non-mehrams; for these are paths that approach the evil and abomination of ‘zina’ (fornication and adultery), and ‘zina’ is listed amongst the gravest sins in Islam.

 

Your Question: i would like to ask whether it is correct to have non mehrams as friends.

Contrary to popular and un-natural belief, the deen of Truth Al-Islam guides that there is absolutely no such thing as a ‘platonic’ relationship between two non-mehram members of the opposite sex.  Islam absolutely prohibits the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day from forming a casual relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex; as there is always a chance that such a relationship could lead the participants towards the evil abomination of ‘zina’, an act which is so detested and so despised by Allah Subhanah that He has Commanded the believers to ‘not even go near it!!!’.

 

Your Question: i wanted to know is it allowed in islam? i somewhere have guilty feeling about all this. but islam allows us to select our partner right?

Islam indeed allows each individual to select and approve whom they choose to marry, provided the boundaries of Allah Subhanah are honored (eg. The person has to be a believer, must be chaste, cannot be a mehram, etc.)

 

The allowance of being able to select one’s spouse does not and should not be taken as a license to form casual relationships with every Tom, Dick and Harry!!!  But what it means is that if one knows of an eligible person to marry, one may do a thorough investigation regarding the lineage, character, reputation, looks, habits, etc. of the person….and if one is absolutely satisfied and wishes to marry the other…then one should approach the guardian or parents of the girl and seek her hand in marriage. Alternatively, if the girl wishes to initiate the marriage, she should inform her guardian/parents of her choice, and if the guardians/parents are satisfied with the choice of their daughter, they should approach the boy and extend the proposal.  That is the righteous way of choosing one’s spouse in Islam.

 

It is neither righteousness, nor piety, nor in accordance with the guidance of Islam that a non-mehram male and female form a secret relationship either directly, or through letters, or through the phone or the internet, etc.; because such an illicit relationship plays directly into the evil of the Shaytaan, who is ever ready to inspire man to transgress the boundaries of Allah by inviting them towards the abomination of fornication.   

 

Your Question: But i now started liking him in the sense to get married.

Dear and beloved Sister, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our humble advice to you is to fear Allah and bring this so-called friendship to an immediate end; and if you sincerely wish to marry this ‘cyber-friend’ of yours is to inform your parents/guardians of your choice and also communicate to your ‘cyber-friend’ to immediately approach your parents/guardians and honorably seek your hand in marriage.  That would be more righteous and akin to piety in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 

 

 

 

 

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