I have this big burden on me. Im a born muslim, however my whole 18 yr old life was spent livin non Islamically, eventhough my parents were really religious and I used to get into alot of trouble. At the tender age of 13 I had my first boyfriend.. can you believe it? And then I had like 3 more, however I never let any of them touch me. But when I was 16 my supposed best friend was always tryina fix me up with a guy eventhough she was muslim,

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamalaikum,
I have this big burden on me. Im a born muslim, however my whole 18 yr old life was spent livin non Islamically, eventhough my parents were really religious and I used to get into alot of trouble. At the tender age of 13 I had my first boyfriend.. can you believe it? And then I had like 3 more, however I never let any of them touch me. But when I was 16 my supposed best friend was always tryina fix me up with a guy eventhough she was muslim, and I used to get annoyed and I told her not to but she tried and once she introduced me to this guy, and he used to touch me and stuff eventhough I made it obvious that I hated it, I was one of the most popular girls in my school. And my family moved to another city, it was like a complete desert, there I became worse, I started smoking, I used to skip school like every single day and get into trouble with my principal and my mom used to cry and once my mom wanted to go to hajj, and I went to the city where my best friend lived and we drank, and during the time my parents were in hajj, the guy tried to kiss me and he did. I dont know how I was like that, every time I look back I wish I was thinking about somebody else`s past. Then I moved to Canada, and I met this guy and he told me the only way you can get rid of your depression was to read the Quran and that was the first time I had read the translation of the Quran and I was like what have I been doing all my life? all the answers to my questions are here. I left everything, my friends,movies, smoking, my life basically. And now I am trying hard to be a good Muslim and now the only thing I want is to be close to Allah. I hardly ever talk because I just feel that everything Im doing might go to waste because of the things I did. And what bugs me the most is that the sisters here think Im so religious or something, when none of them has the idea of the burden I bear . To people it may seem that its nothing, but I just wish that I never existed that I had died a long time ago, no one has any idea of how much I hurt my parents. My dad couldnt sleep for a week because he found out the things I did and I was like his favourite daughter and I heard him saying that he wished I was never born. Honestly today nothing keeps me going except the Quran and my prayers, Allah is everything to me now, I pray day and night that he forgives me but I dunno...

 

Can you tell me something about forgiveness that says these kind of sins will be forgiven. Till today I have dreams of my past that I m going to become bad again and that Im failing..
I just dont like people thinking Im religious and thinking Im something when Im not, may Allah forgive me, I have to go now,

 

fi aman Allah

Jazak Allah khair 

 

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Answer:

 

Sister seeking forgiveness for past sins

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person,  no grave, no prophet,  no imam,  no dai,  nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, whatever deeds one might have done,  if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness,  Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a believer,  regardless if one has lived one’s full life in transgression of Allah’s Laws, or even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: ie. ‘Shirk’!   Not only that, our Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not only will forgive the sins of the believer, He will change his evil deeds done into good deeds!  

 

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, your state of shame and sorrow regarding your past deeds and your fear of standing One Inevitable and Tumultuous Day in the Tribunal of your Majestic Lord is evident from your statements in your letter …and this is precisely what Taubah and seeking sincere repentance is all about!  Blessed indeed are those who experience this fear and sorrow regarding their sins before they meet with their appointment of death….for they shall have no fear nor sorrow in the Presence of their Lord!

 

Your Statement: Can you tell me something about forgiveness that says these kind of sins will be forgiven.

The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

  1. One is aware that he has sinned,  and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
  2. Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
  3. Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness,  before he has met with his appointment of death.
  4. Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter. 

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely,  Allah forgives ALL sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who,  if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin,  remember Allah instantly,  and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings.  For who,  but Allah,  can forgive sins?   (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.   These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah,  and with Gardens beneath which canals flow,  and they will reside therein forever!   How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:

The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth.   When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them,  they say, “Peace to you”;  (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, “O our Lord,  save us from the torment of Hell,  for its torment is killing!  It is an evil abode,  and an evil resting place”.  (And those) who,  when they spend are neither extravagant,  nor miserly,  but keep the golden mean between the two extremes.  (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone,  nor kill a soul unjustly,  which Allah has forbidden,  nor commit adultery… He who does this shall be punished for his sin,  and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection,  and he shall abide in a state of ignominy;  EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS),  AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS.   For then,  Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds,  and He is very Forgiving and Merciful.   In fact,  one who repents and does righteous deeds,  returns to Allah as one rightly should!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs,  say: "Peace be on you!  Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy.  Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance,  and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct),  Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving,  Most Merciful."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357        Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin!"

 

Such is the Mercy and Grace of the Lord Most Gracious, that if one turns to Him and seeks sincere repentance for their deeds, not only does He forgive them their sin, but He, in His Sublime Mercy and Infinite Grace, changes those evil deeds into good deeds in their Book of Records!  Such is the Magnanimity and Benevolence of The Lord Most Merciful towards His believing and repenting slaves who turn to Him!

 

Allow us to relate a simple worldly example of how this magnanimously generous system of Allah Subhanah works:  A person who has $100.00 as assets and $1,000,000.00 as liabilities would be condemned as bankrupt in this world!  But if one has 100 good deeds and a million bad deeds recorded in ones ‘Book of Records’, and one turns to their Lord seeking sincere forgiveness for their past deeds, the Lord Most Merciful Most Gracious, not only forgives the million evil deeds, but in His Sublime Mercy and Grace, adds a million good deeds to the 100 good deeds in the person’s account!!!!  Such is the Mercy, Grace, Magnanimity, Benevolence and Generosity of our Lord Most Blessed Most Glorious!  Is there any other who can display such generosity??  Blessed is Allah Subhanah, the Lord and Creator of the heavens and the earth and everything that exists in between!  

 

Your Statement: Till today I have dreams of my past that I m going to become bad again and that Im failing..

Dear and Beloved sister in Islam, regardless of whatever you might have done in your past in ignorance, rest assured that after you have sought sincere forgiveness from your Lord Most Gracious, every one of those sins would be wiped out from your Book of Records….!!!!  Such is the Grace, Mercy, Forgiveness, and Promise of Allah Subhanah, and Allah Subhanah never ever breaks His Promise! 

 

Rest assured my beloved Sister, that if you have sincerely turned back to your Lord in repentance, believed and started your journey towards doing good righteous deeds thereafter, He will forgive your sins with such a complete forgiveness that you will not even be asked about them on the Day of Resurrection!  

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith Hadith 6759     Narrated by Aisha

Aisha said: One day Allah's Messenger (saws) went out of her (Aisha's apartment) during the night and she felt jealous. Then he (saws) came and he saw me (in what agitated state of mind) I was.  He (saws) said: ‘Aisha, what has happened to you? Do you feel jealous?’  Thereupon she said: ‘How can it be (that a woman like me) should not feel jealous in regard to a husband like you?’  Thereupon Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘It was your Shaytaan who had come to you’, and she said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws) is there along with me a Shaytaan?’  He (saws) said: ‘Yes!’  I said: ‘Is the Shaytaan attached to everyone?’  He (saws) said: ‘Yes!’  I (Aisha) again said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) is it (the Shaytaan) with you also?’ He (saws) said: ‘Yes!  But my Lord has helped me against him as such that I am absolutely safe from his mischief!’

 

If you constantly fear the consequences of your past deeds, and the thought comes to your mind whether or not your repentance will be accepted by your Lord your not, and you find yourself in constant despair regarding the evil you did in your ignorance, etc…… my dear and beloved Sister in Islam, it is none other than your ‘shaytaan’ that comes to you and inspires and whispers these thoughts of despair into your heart; for nothing pricks and tantalizes and torments him more than one who sincerely turns to their Lord Most Gracious seeking sincere His forgiveness!!!  Allah is our witness, he will try every trick in his book and will not relent until your last breath leaves your body to bring you to despair of Allah’s Mercy and turn you away from the Straight Path….

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely,  Allah forgives ALL sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

 

My dear and beloved Sister, recognize this Shaytaan, reject his calls for despair, resist his implore to turn you away from the path of forgiveness you have chosen, believe with absolute certainty in the Promise and Mercy of your Lord, and strive to remain steadfast on this Path of Mercy of your Lord….and above all else constantly seek the protection and refuge from Allah from the evil designs of the Shaytaan; it is expected that Allah Subhanah will protect you from the Shaytaan’s evil designs!

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verses 63-65:

63      Allah said (to the Shaytaan): "Go thy way; if any of them follow thee, verily Hell will be the recompense of you (all); an ample recompense!

64      Lead to destruction those whom thou canst among them with thy (seductive) voice; make assaults on them with thy cavalry and thy infantry; mutually share with them wealth and children; and make promises to them.” But the Shaytaan promises them nothing but deceit!

65      "As for My servants no authority shalt thou have over them." Enough is thy Lord for a Disposer of Affairs. 

 

May Allah Subhanah keep you, us and all the believers in His Grace and Mercy, and protect us all from the evil of the Shaytaan….for enough is Allah our Lord indeed, as a Disposer of our affairs.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

Burhan

 

 

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