Wife not obeying laws and husband.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asalamualikum, I recently got married to my second cousion with the wish of our parents. Before marriage I asked my parents how she is(as I am living outside home from last 10 years and had seen her last in 2001) about her and was told that she prays five times a day, reads Quran and fasts in Ramadan. After marriage I came to know that my wife is wearing jeans and tops/shirts with half slvees, visits beauty parlour for hair cut and other things, usually doesn`t cover her head/hair, has a facebook/orkut account with lot of pictures of her, shakes hands with men. I feel these things are not allowed in Islam leaving cutting hair. I told her yesterday that Islam doesn`t allow women to remove eyebrows and you have to stop this and she stopped talking to me giving reason I am doing this from 12th standard. Previously I told her no to wear jeans and same reaction, she stopped for sometime and now she has started again. I am really confused and stressed with this, what to do and how to handle this. Please provide me guidance in the light of Islam. May Allah bless you for helping me. 

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Wife not obeying laws and husband

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith  7.27         Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

 

Respected brother in Islam, the time to investigate the character and the practice of the deen of the woman is not after one has already married the woman, but rather before one decides to marry the woman! 

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34   Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.  Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)

 

The sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a union between two people who develop and maintain the love and mercy between them that Allah Subhanah has created for them in their marriage, and strive together as a team to live a life of peace, harmony and tranquility under the fear and guidance of Allah.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21      And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

 

If one truly seeks guidance in one’s marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one’s relationship with one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252        Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465     Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469     Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358        Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284         Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286         Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

 

If one finds oneself in a marriage where the wife is disobedient even to the lawful commands of her husband, the remedies which Islam prescribes before one reaches for the ultimate solution of divorce are as follows:

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 34-35:

34      ……  As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High Great (above you all).

35      If ye fear a breach between them twain appoint (two) arbiters one from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge and is acquainted with all things

 

 

  1. Admonish them: talk to her with wisdom and with patience, and let her know politely but firmly that her attitude of constant disobedience is not helping her cause in the marriage.
  2. Refuse to share her bed: As much as this would sound like a sacrifice and punishment for the man, the truth is there is no bigger pain for the nature of a woman than for her husband to refuse to have sexual intercourse with her! Thus if the polite admonishments for a considerable period of time still do not seem to get the desired result, one may move to the next level and refuse to share the beds with his wife until she turns to obedience.  Any woman, who sincerely wishes to save her marriage, would or should strive to change her rebellious attitude at this stage.
  3. If after admonishment and the refusal to share her bed for a considerable period of time still brings about absolutely no change in her rebellious attitude, Islam has allowed the husband to lightly ‘beat’ his wife as a sign of their utter disgust.  Please note that this is not a license for the husband to beat his wife ‘black-and-blue’……on the contrary, the husband should fear Allah and exercise this option of light beating only and only if he is absolutely confident that it might bring about a severe improvement in the rebellious attitude of his wife and thus enable them to save their marriage.
  4. If all of the above three steps bring about no improvement, the absolute penultimate step is to appoint two arbitrators….one from the husband’s side and one’s from the wife’s side and the couple may come to a mutual understanding.
  5. If even that fails, then the only choice left is to permanently separate from each other through the institution of divorce!

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173  Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful acts in Islam, the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172  Narrated by Muharib

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 

 

 

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