Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam Aleikum.
I am 28 weeks pregnant, living with the babys father due to domestic violence and my home.
I know that having sex outside marriage is haram and i do not deny that.
I have made the mistake in 3 different relationships.
I had been with the babys father for a year last year but we ended our relationship due to an abortion i did, which i regret each and every day and know i was pay for my sins.
The babys father who i do love then got violent and we broke up. Due to my naive behaviour i let another non muslim take advantage of me and i slept with him, i know i shouldnt have and again what can i do to replenish my sins, everyday i pray to allah to for give.
My ex boyfriend than found out and hated me more and we did not talk for 7 months, the baby i aborted was suposd 2 be born on 31st december 2008 and i rang my ex knowing how much i hurt him and how much i loved him. and he spoke to me.
i asked to see him, and we were ok not back together i thought we were gonna get back and get married but he says i hurt him to much and i am a slag. so he just kept havin intercourse with me and abusing me.
but i know he still loves me.
but than he was sleepin with another girl at the same time, saying i am a sin and nothing to him. but then breaking down and telling me he loved me.
After about 4 months of just seeing eachother but i know he loves me he admits it but says he can never be with me. than i fell pregnant. and due to my family finding out i had to go and live with him. i am now 6 months and try everyday to get back wit him and ask him to forgive me, but he says all he wants is his daughter and once shes born we will stop sleeping with eachother and he will leave my side. He says i am not a good muslim and i know i have made mistakes in the past. but Having this baby Khaliya we are naming her is the most amazing thing i have done. and he adores the fact i kept this baby and the fact he is getting a lovely daughter.
but he is constantly abusing me and haunting me for my misleadings and sins. I have no where to go as i am waiting to be housed but i love him so much but am in so much pain for what he says to me and the way he abuses me and makes me feel so low.
He says he loves me but he will never ever come back to me.
I dont know why i am emailing you, but i just need some help i dont know what to do with my self. i have been sexually abused as a child at the ages from 7-11 and feel one i have not gotten over that and even so feel so weak in everything now.
I am not making an excuse for my dirty behaviour but i am so confused and low. and just dont know what to do with my self anymore or jamal my babies father.
Please help me, please give me some advice.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Respected sister in Islam, the first thing which is entirely in your control alone, and what you can and should do in the process of straightening out your life….is to turn back to your Lord Most Gracious in ‘taubah’ and sincere repentance for your past sins.
Whatever deeds one might have done in one’s past, if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere ‘Taubah’ and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a repentant believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: ‘Shirk’! Not only that, our Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not only will forgive the sins of such sincerely repentant believers, He will change their evil deeds done into good deeds!
The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:
· One is aware that one has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at their sin.
· Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that one will not repeat their sin again.
· Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before one has met with his appointment of death.
· Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:
The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, “Peace to you”; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, “O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place”. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery… He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"
My respected sister in Islam, as grave as the sin of ‘zina’ (adultery) is in the Sight of the Lord and in Shariah Law, one should never never ever despair of the vastness of the Mercy of their Lord Most Merciful….for He and He Alone can, and does forgive all the sins of the one who turns back to Him in ‘taubah’ and seeks sincere repentance for their past deeds, and does righteous good deeds thereafter.
Secondly sister, as much as you might love your baby’s father, it is obvious from his actions that he does not fear Allah Subhanah as he should, for if he did he would never ever have committed the grave sin of ‘zina’ with you, nor would he treat you in the dishonorable way he does.
If you are indeed sincere in your ‘taubah’ and repentance to your Lord for your past errors, maybe it is time you completely disassociated with this person…..and if Allah Wills, you might find a pious, righteous, God-fearing person who would honor and respect you, and accept you as his wife.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:
216 ……it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 65 Surah Talaq verse 2 (part):
And for those who fear Allah He (ever) prepares a way out.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,