What are the obligations of a husband to his wife?

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Aasalamo Alaikum

 

I just recently subscribed onto this website and recieved a hadith to my email. It was regarding the duty of a woman to her husband...

 

Like I understand that you should obey ones husband and be respectful to all that is his, but- forgive me if i am wrong, or correct me on my misunderstanding- but I have always heard of this. What I do not understand is that what are the duties of a husband towards his wife? Like, she is doing everything to please him, but what is he doing to please her?

 

What if ones husband says to his wife to do something but she does not wish to do it, does that mean she absolutely has to obey? what of the husband, can the wife ask him to do something? is he obligated to do it in return for her, as she is doing everything he asks of her?

 

Obviously I am asking this in the point of veiw that the husband/wife are both devoted believers. May Allah ST give me hadaya if I am wrong and I will ask Him for forgiveness if I have said something wrong...

 

I always find that the wife must please her husband to enter Paradise, but no where do I find that the husband must please his wife- it is mind boggling and sometimes I think that is unfair in some ways, and sometimes I think that maybe it is written someplace that I have not come across...

 

I don`t know...

I just wish to know, what are the obligations of a husband to his wife? What are his duties to her? Does the husband have any duties to his wife (other then the ones where he must protect the chastity of his wife)???

Thank you..

 

JazakAllah

 

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Answer:

 

Equal balance duties man woman

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34   Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.  Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s honor, property, etc.)

 

The complete financial responsibility of the upkeep and maintenance of the house and the family is the responsibility and duty of the men in Islam.  It is the responsibility and duty of the men in Islam to protect and maintain the women.

It is the responsibility of the men in Islam to make sure that food is provided to the womenfolk and family in their care, that clothing is provided for them, that a place is provided for them to reside in, etc.;

 

Although the complete financial responsibility in running the household is the prime duty and responsibility of the husband in Islam, it is also his responsibility and he will be held accountable by the Lord to take measures to maintain and protect his family to the absolute best of his ability.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116         Narrated by Abdullah bin Umar

The Prophet (saws) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those your wards)."

 

Thus in essence, the two main duties and responsibilities of the husband for which he will be held accountable in the Presence of the Lord is to provide for the financial upkeep and needs of the family, and as a responsible leader, guardian, and caretaker of the family.  For example if the wife (or their children) openly disobey the Command of Allah Subhanah like not praying, or not fasting, or not wearing the ‘hijaab’, or wearing indecent clothes, or practicing ‘fahisha’, etc.; and the husband allows this disobedience taking place under his leadership without so much as striving to stop it, he will be held accountable for his lapse of duty for those under in care. 

 

My dear and beloved sister, the above are the direct answers according to Islamic Law regarding the prescribed duties and responsibilities of a husband in marriage; but the sacred institution of marriage in Islam is not a union between two people who compete against each other, but rather a marriage in Islam is a sacred union between two people who complement each other in their partnership, who develop and maintain the love and mercy between them that Allah Subhanah has created for them in their marriage, and strive together as a team to live a life of peace, harmony and tranquility under the fear and guidance of Allah.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21      And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

 

If one truly seeks guidance in one’s marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one’s relationship with one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252        Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465     Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469     Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358        Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285         Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284         Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286         Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

 

Your Question: I always find that the wife must please her husband to enter Paradise, but no where do I find that the husband must please his wife- it is mind boggling and sometimes I think that is unfair in some ways, and sometimes I think that maybe it is written someplace that I have not come across...

I don`t know...

Allah Says in the Glorious Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 36 (part):

…and the male is not like the female!

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part):

228    …...  And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (in a marriage) according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them, and Allah is Exalted in Power Wise.

 

Allah Subhanah declares in His Glorious Quran that the male is ‘not like’ the female, and although the woman has similar (not same!) rights as her husband in a marriage, The Lord Most Majestic, in His Supreme Wisdom and Knowledge has given or bestowed upon one more advantage than the other. 

 

Dear and beloved Sister, the confusion and disillusion starts when one tries to make something which has been created as ‘balanced’ to a thing ‘equal’!   Contrary to popular belief, men and women are not created equal by the All-Wise, All Knowing Lord;  but rather, they are balanced!  For example: a kilo of apples and a kilo of bananas are balanced in weight, but the two are not equal!

 

For the test period of this one transitory life, each spouse has been given a set of duties and responsibilities by Allah Subhanah best suited according to their bestowed nature. It would not only be unjust, but absolutely incorrect and unfair for a society to treat as ‘equal’ what the Creator has declared as unequal but balanced!  The so called modern-educated but ignorant and un-Godly societies which have tried to challenge and reverse the bestowed nature and declare the men and women as equal rather than balanced have paid an enormous price in the forming of their families, their relationships, their homes, and in their lives! 

 

The societies which have propagated the ‘equality’ amongst the sexes have obviously not understood the nature of the man and the woman like the One Who Created their nature!  The Creator has bestowed on the man and the woman ‘balance’ so that they may complement each other; but the ignorant and un-Godly society insist on making them ‘equal’ so that they may ‘compete’ against each other! 

 

Your Statement: I always find that the wife must please her husband to enter Paradise….

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, in this particular aspect of the life of this world, The Lord Creator has indeed created an interesting ‘test’ and ‘trial’!  If one studies this ‘test’ in light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, one will find that it is a never-ending triangle….

 

Amongst the absolutely obligatory duties of the wife in Shariah is that she be devoutly obedient to her husband in all his lawful commands…if indeed she desires Paradise for her patience and steadfastness.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286         Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254        Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

 

But absolutely nowhere in the Quran or the Sunnah one will find a statement which implies that if a husband were to obey his wife, he would enter Paradise!  The All-Knowing All-Wise Lord has given the keys of a ‘man’s’ entry to Paradise in the hands of the other woman in his life: ie, his mother!

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14      And We have enjoined on mankind (to be good) to their parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939        Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you.  He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her (the mother’s) feet."

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120  Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most?’  He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother.’  I asked (again): ‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.  I asked: ‘Who next?’  He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!  I asked again: ‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.’

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928        Narrated by Abud Darda

… that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

 

The keys to a wife’s entry into Paradise is through the obedience of her husband; but when the same wife is blessed with motherhood, she is the one who holds the keys of her off-spring’s entry into Paradise!  Thus as much as the wife might like or desire to hold the keys of her husband’s entry into Paradise, The Lord All-Wise has bestowed those keys to another woman, the mother!

 

Thus the All-Just All-Wise Lord creates an amazing balance in the ‘trial’….the woman’s (wife) entry to Paradise is dependant upon her behavior with a man (her husband); and a man’s (son’s) entry to Paradise is dependant upon his behavior with a woman (his mother)!

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),   one can be assured of never ever being misled;   but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.  

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 

 

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