I am alhumdulillah engaged to my cousin brother,as he lives in a foreign country
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assala
mualikum wrwb brother,
My
question to you is that i am alhumdulillah engaged to my cousin brother,as he
lives in a foreign country and i did not see him since 15 years ,alhumdulillah
he follows islam and so he akraedy askedu that can we talk on phone ,his and my
parents are aware of it.we stopped talking for a while buti could`nt take it
and then i forced him to call me again though he tried a lot to convince me not
to talk but i believe satan is always there with me .its like now we talk to each
other rarely that it once in a week or once in two weeks but as we talk,we get
into ramantic stuff and he gets desperate and he kisses me on the phone and he
wants me to respond to his kissing me on the phone and now it happened so that
if i dont talk to him or romantic stuff i feel depressed.so i get goose bumps
and i naturally get desperate as i get into this i enjoy it a lot and i
disharge something which i have no idea abt wat shall i do?i like the way he
kisses me and the discharge is sometimes too much.i know its wrong but i cannot
help it and the second thing is that there is around an year or may be more
time for our marriage.I alraedy discussed my desperateness to my fiancee but
his parents want me to finish my degree studies and then would like him to get
us married .please help me with this problem i dont know why i dont havr
regrets over it coz i love him a lot i like his character and yes this is an
arranged marriage fixed by our parents .he has a wonderful character.i want u
to herlp me with my problem i cannit discuss this with my fiancee also.i tried
to avoid my fiancee of kissing me but he gets frustrated and bangs the phone
sometimes so i avoid denying him to do it .hope u undertand my problem
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Answer:
Engaged and talk on phone
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, an ‘engagement’ between
a man and a woman to marry has absolutely no legal basis or standing in
Shariah, and the man and the woman will be considered non-mehrams to each other
until their actual ‘nikaah’ is performed.
Unless and until their ‘nikaah’ is performed, all the
restrictions and limitations and commandments that are prescribed in the Quran
and Sunnah between two non-mehram members of the opposite sex must be honored
and followed by those who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The
‘zina’ of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the ‘zina’ of
the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires, and the private
parts testify all this or deny it."
If they meet or talk to each other in private, regardless
whether physically or through the mediums of phone or the internet; or feel, touch or (Allah forbid) do things
which are only legal after they have united themselves in the sacred
institution of marriage, it would indeed constitute a grave sin in the Sight of
their Lord.
The boy and the girl who have committed these grave errors
in ignorance should immediately turn to their Lord seeking sincere forgiveness
for their transgression and absolutely abstain from disobeying the limitations
and commands of Allah Subhanah; it is expected that they will find their Lord
Forgiving and Merciful.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My
servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s
Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all
sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All
Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit
to Him before the scourge overtakes you;
for then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good
people very much, who, if ever they
commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their
shortcomings. For who, but Allah,
can forgive sins? (And Allah
loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness
from Allah, and with Gardens beneath
which canals flow, and they will reside
therein forever! How excellent is the
reward of those who do good deeds!
Your Question:
please help me with this problem
Beloved Sister, without an iota of a doubt, your current
relationship with your cousin is absolutely against and a manifest
transgression of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, and a grave sin in
the Sight of the Lord Most High.
Beloved sister, under the circumstances related by you in
your letter, you have only two lawful options:
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan