The Muslim Woman and Her Community / Society

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She is wise and eloquent in her da`wah

The Muslim woman who seeks to call others to Allah (SWT) is eloquent and clever in her da`wah, speaking wisely and without being pushy to those whom she calls, and taking into account their intellectual levels and social positions. With this wise and good preaching, she is able to reach their hearts and minds, just as the Qur'an advises:

( Invite [all] to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching . . .) (Qur'an 16:125)

The sister who is calling others is careful not to be long-winded or boring, and she avoids over-burdening her audience. She does not speak for too long, or discuss matters that are difficult to understand. She introduces the idea that she wants to convey in a brief and clear fashion, using attractive and interesting methods, and presenting the information in stages, so that her audience will understand it easily and will be eager to put their new knowledge into practice. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to do in his own preaching, as the great Sahabi `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud (RAA) tells us. He used to preach a little at a time to the people, every Thursday. A man said to him, "I wish that you would teach us every day." He said, "What prevents me from doing so is the fact that I would hate to bore you. I show consideration towards you by choosing a suitable time to teach you, just as the Prophet (PBUH) used to do with us, for fear of making us bored."316

Note: 316. Bukhari and Muslim. See Riyad al-Salihin, 374, Kitab al-adab, bab fi'l-wa'z wa'l-iqtisad fihi.

One of the most important qualities of the wise and eloquent da`iyah is that she is gentle with the women she is calling. She is patient with the slowness or inability to understand on the part of some of them, their ignorance of many matters of religion, their repeated mistakes and their many tedious questions, following the example of the master of all those men and women who call others to the way of Allah (SWT) - the Prophet (PBUH) - who was the supreme example of patience, kindness and open-heartedness. He responded to questioners like a tolerant, caring guide and gently-correcting teacher, never frustrated by their slowness to understand, or irritated by their many questions and the need to repeat the same answers many times until they understood and left him, content with the lesson they had learned.

An example of this gentle approach is the account of the Sahabi Mu`awiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Sulami (RAA), who said:

"Whilst I was praying with the Prophet (PBUH), one of the men in the congsneezed, so I said, `Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).' The people glared at me, so I said, `May my mother be bereft of me! What are you staring at me like that for?' They began to strike their thighs with their hands, and when I realised that they were telling me to be quiet, I fell silent. The Prophet (PBUH), may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, finished the prayer, and I have never seen a better teacher than he, before or since. By Allah (SWT), he did not rebuke me or strike me or insult me. He merely said, `This prayer should contain nothing of the everyday speech of men; it is just tasbih, takbir and the recitation of Qur'an,' or words to that effect. I said, `O Messenger of Allah, I am still very close to the time of jahiliyyah (i.e., I am very new in Islam). Allah (SWT) has brought us Islam, yet there are some among us who still go to soothsayers.' He said, `Never go to them.' I said, `And there are some who are superstitious.' He said, `That is just something that they imagine; it should not stop them from going ahead with their plans.'"317

Note: 317. Sahih Muslim, 5/20, Kitab al-masajid, bab tahrim al-kalam fi'l-salah.

Another characteristic of the successful da`iyah, and one of the most attractive and influential methods she can use, is that she does not directly confront wrongdoers with their deeds, or those who are failing with their shortcomings. Rather she is gentle in her approach when she addresses them, hinting at their wrongdoing or shortcomings indirectly rather than stating them bluntly, and asking them, gently and wisely, to rid themselves of whatever bad deeds or failings they have. She is careful not to hurt their feelings or put them off her da`wah. This wise, gentle approach is more effective in treating social ills and moral and psychological complaints, and it is the method followed by the Prophet (PBUH), as `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:

"When the Prophet (PBUH) heard that someone had done something wrong, he did not say `What is wrong withso-and-so that he says (such-and-such)?' Rather, he would say, `What is wrong with some people that they say such-and-such?. . ."318

Note: 318. Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/129.

Another important feature of the da`iyah, that will guarantee her success, is that she speaks clearly to her audience and repeats her words without boring them until she is certain that they have understood and that her words have reached their hearts. This is what the Prophet (PBUH) used to do, as Anas (RAA) said:

"The Prophet (PBUH) used to repeat things three times when he spoke, so that they would be understood. When he came to a people, he would greet them with salam three times."319

Note: 319. Fath al-Bari, 1/188, Kitab al-'ilm, bab man a'ada al-hadith thalathan li yufham 'anhu.

`A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:

"The speech of the Prophet was very clear. Everyone who heard it understood it."320

Note: 320. Reported by Abu Dawud, 4/360, Kitab al-adab, 21; its isnad is sahih.

She mixes with righteous women

In her social life, the Muslim woman seeks to make friends with righteous women, so that they will be close friends and sisters to her, and she will be able to co-operate with them in righteousness, taqwa and good deeds, and in guiding and teaching other women who may have little awareness of Islam. Mixing with righteous women always brings goodness, benefits and a great reward, and deepens women's sound understanding of Islam. For this reason it was encouraged in the Qur'an:

( And keep your soul content with those who call on their Lord morning and evening, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes pass beyond them, seeking the pomp and glitter of this Life; nor obey any whose heart We have permitted to neglect the remembrance of Us, one who follows his own desires, whose case has gone beyond all bounds.) (Qur'an 18:28)

The true Muslim woman only makes friends with noble, virtuous, righteous, pious women, as the poet said: "Mixing with people of noble character, you will be counted as one of them, So do not take anyone else for a friend."

The true Muslim woman does not find it difficult to mix with righteous women, even if they are apparently below her own socio-economic level. What really counts is a woman's essential personality, not her physical appearance or wealth. Musa (PBUH ), the Prophet of Allah, followed the righteous servant so that he might learn from him, saying with all good manners and respect:

( May I follow you on the footing that you teach me something of the [Higher] Truth which you have been taught?) (Qur'an 18:66)

When the righteous servant answered:

( Verily, you will not be able to have patience with me!) (Qur'an 18:67)

Musa said, with all politeness and respect:

( You will find me, if Allah so will, [truly] patient: nor shall I disobey you in aught.) (Qur'an 18:69)

When choosing friends from among the righteous women, the Muslim woman does not forget that people are like metals, some of which are precious while others are base, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained when describing different types of people:

"People are metals like gold and silver. The best of them at the time of Jahiliyyah will be the best of them in Islam, if they truly understand. Souls are like conscripted soldiers: if they recognise one another, they will become friends, and if they dislike one another, they will go their separate ways."321

Note: 321. Sahih Muslim, 16/185, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab al-arwah junud mujannadah.

The Muslim woman also knows from the teachings of her religion that friends are of two types: the righteous friend and the bad friend. The good friend is like the bearer of musk: when she sits with her, there is an atmosphere of relaxation, generosity, perfume and happiness. The bad friend is like the one who operates the bellows: when one sits with her, there is the heat of flames, smoke, stench and an atmosphere of gloom. The Prophet (PBUH) gave the best analogy of this:

"The good companion and the bad companion are like the bearer of musk and the one who pumps the bellows. With the bearer of musk, either he will give you a share, or you will buy from him, or you will smell a pleasant scent from him; but with the one who pumps the bellows, either he will burn your clothes or you will smell a foul stench from him."322

Note: 322. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Riyad al-Salihin, 211, Bab ziyarat ahl al-khayr wa majalisatihim.

Therefore the Sahabah used to encourage one another to visit good people who would remind them of Allah (SWT) and fill their hearts with fear of Allah (SWT), religious teaching and respect. Anas (RAA) reported the following incident:

"Abu Bakr said to `Umar (RAA), after the Prophet (PBUH) had died, `Let us go and visit Umm Ayman323 as the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to do.' When they reached her, she wept, so they asked her, `Why do you weep? What is with Allah (SWT) is better for the Prophet (PBUH) (than this world).' She said, `I am not weeping because I do not know that what is with Allah (SWT) is better for the Prophet (PBUH). I am weeping because the Revelation from Heaven has ceased.' She moved them deeply with these words, and they began to weep with her."324

Note: 323. Umm Ayman was the Prophet's nursemaid during his childhood. When he grew up, he gave her her freedom and married her to Zayd ibn Harithah. He used to honour her and treat her with kindness and respect, and say, "Umm Ayman is my mother." [Author]

Note: 324. Sahih Muslim, 16/9, Kitab fada'il al-Sahabah, bab fada'il Umm Ayman.

The gatherings of righteous women, where Allah (SWT) is remembered and the conversation is serious and beneficial, are surrounded by the angels and shaded by Allah (SWT) with His mercy. In such gatherings, souls and minds are purified and refreshed. It befits righteous, believing women to increase their attendance at such gatherings and benefit from them, as this will do them good in this world and bring them a high status in the Hereafter.

She strives to reconcile between Muslim women

The Muslim community is distinguished by the fact that it is a community in which brotherhood prevails, a society that is filled with love, communication, understanding, tolerance and purity. However, it is still a human society, and as such it cannot be entirely free of occasional disputes and conflicts which may arise among its members from time to time and lead to division and a breaking of ties.

But these disputes, which emerge sometimes in the Muslim community, soon disappear, because of the divine guidance that the members of this community have received, which reinforces the feelings of brotherhood, love and closeness among them, and destroys the roots of hatred and enmity, and because of the good efforts for reconciliation that Islam urges its followers to make whenever there is a dispute between close friends, where the Shaytan has caused conflict and division betweethem. We have seen above how Islam forbids two disputing Muslims to forsake one another for more than three days:

"It is not permitted for a believer to forsake another for more than three days. If three days have passed, let him meet him and greet him with salam. If he returns the greeting, then they will both share in the reward, and if he does not return the greeting, then the one who initiated the greeting will be free of blame."325

Note: 325. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/505, Bab inna al-salam yujzi min al-sawm.

Islam also commands the Muslims, men and women, to reconcile between two conflicting parties:

( If two parties among the Believers fall into a quarrel, make peace between them: but if one of them transgresses beyond bounds against the other, then fight [all of you] against the one that transgresses until it complies, then make peace between them with justice, and be fair: for Allah loves those who are fair [and just].) (Qur'an 49:9)

The society of believing men and women should be governed by justice, love and brotherhood:

( The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: so make peace and reconciliation between your two [contending] brothers; and fear Allah, that you may receive Mercy.) (Qur'an 49:10)

Therefore the Muslim woman is required to reconcile between her disputing sisters, following the guidance of Islam. Islam has permitted women to add words for the purpose of bringing disputing parties together and softening stony hearts. Such comments are not considered to be the kinds of lies that are haram, and the one who says them is not regarded as a liar or a sinner. We find evidence of this in the hadith of Umm Kalthum bint `Uqbah ibn Abi Mu`ayt (May Allah be pleased with her), who said:

"I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: `He is not a liar who reconciles between people by telling them good news or saying something good.'"326

Note: 326. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Riyad al-Salihin, 687, Kitab al-umur al-munhi 'anha, bab bayan ma yajuz min al-kadhb.

According to a report narrated by Muslim, she added:

"I did not hear him permit anything of what people might say except in three cases." She meant: war, reconciling between people, and the speech of a man to his wife or a wife to her husba.327

Note: 327. Sahih Muslim, 16/157, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab tahrim al-kadhb wa bayan ma yubah fihi.

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