The Muslim Woman and Her Community / Society

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She keeps secrets

It is obvious to the mature, wise Muslim woman that keeping secrets is one of the best characteristics that a person, man or woman, can have. Keeping secrets is a sign of a person's maturity, moral strength, wisdom and balanced personality. Therefore the true Muslim woman keeps those secrets that Islam urges her to keep. This was the attitude of the best personalities of Islam, and was one of their most beautiful characteristics.

One of the best examples of this virtue and the determination to adhere to tit among the most prominent Sahabah was the attitude of Abu Bakr and `Uthman towards `Umar when he offered them his daughter Hafsah's hand in marriage after she was widowed, and their concealing the secret of the Prophet (PBUH) from him.

Imam Bukhari reports from `Abdullah ibn `Umar that `Umar said, concerning events after his daughter Hafsah was widowed:

"I met `Uthman ibn `Affan (RAA) and offered him Hafsah's hand in marriage. I said, `If you wish, I will marry Hafsah to you.' He said: `I will think about it.' A few days passed, then he met me and said, `I think that I do not wish to get married just now.' Then I met Abu Bakr al-Siddiq (RAA), and said, `If you wish, I will marry Hafsah bint `Umar to you.' Abu Bakr remained silent and made no reply to me, and I was more upset with him than with `Uthman. A few days passe, then the Prophet (PBUH) asked for her hand, and I gave her to him in marriage. Abu Bakr met me and said, `Perhaps you are angry with me for when you offered me Hafsah's hand and I did not reply?' I said, `Yes.' He said, `Nothing kept me from answering you except the fact that I knew the Prophet (PBUH) had mentioned her, and I could not disclose the secret of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). If he had decided not to marry her, then I would have married her.'"162

Note: 162. Fath al-Bari, 9/175, Kitab al-nikah and 7/317, Kitab al-baghazi, bab 'ard al-insan ibnatahu 'ala ahl al-khayr

The virtue of keeping secrets was not confined only to the men of the salaf, it also included women and children whose hearts were filled with the guidance of Islam. We see this in the report given by Imam Muslim from Anas (RAA), who said:

"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) came to me while I was playing with some other boys. He greeted me, then sent me on an errand. I was late coming home to my mother, and when I came, she asked, `What kept you so long?' I said, `The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sent me on an erra.' She asked me, `What errand?' I said, `It is a secret.' She said, `Do not tell anyone the secret of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH).' Anas said: By Allah (SWT), if I had told anyone about it, I would have told you, O Thabit."163

Note: 163. Sahih Muslim, 16/41, Kitab fada 'il al-Sahabah,, bab fada'il Anas. Thabit is the name of the Tabi'i who narrated this hadith from Anas.

Umm Anas saw that her son was keen to keep the secret entrusted to him by the Prophet (PBUH), so she reinforced this keen attitude by telling him not to disclose this secret to anyone. So Anas did not speak of it to anyone, not even the great Sahabi Thabit al-Bunani, who was the spokesman of the Prophet (PBUH), and one of those who were promised Paradise. She did not allow her curiosity to make her quiz her young son about the secret he was keeping from her. This is true Islamic tarbiyah (education, upbringing), and this is the sublime level to which it raised men, women and children alike.

Telling secrets is one of the worst habits a person could have, and the worst form of this habit is disclosing secrets that relate to the intimacies of married life. A person who is afflicted with this abhorrent habit will be among the worst people on the Day of Judgement, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained:

"The most evil of people in the sight of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who was intimate with his wife, then went and told others about her secrets."164

Note: 164. Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim ifsha' sirr al-mar'ah.

Private matters should remain utterly secret, known only to those concerned. No-one broadcasts his private matters except the person who is somewhat crazy, stupid and unsound, and whose attitude is dirty, cheap and shameless. Muslim men and women are protected from such folly by the noble characteristics that they have learned from their religion.

She is of cheerful Countenance

It is clear to the Muslim woman that one of the most important factors in her success both in her private life with her husband and in her social life in general, is that she should be of cheerful countenance, smiling often and overflowing with warmth. Allah (SWT) of this will endear her to people and open their hearts to her. It is also the good attitude, positive personality and physical attractiveness encouraged by Islam.

In Sahih Muslim, it is reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said:

"Do not think little of any good deed, even if it is just meeting your brother with a cheerful countenance."165

Note: 165. Sahih Muslim, 16/177, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab istihbab talaqah al-wajh.

The Prophet (PBUH) taught that the Muslim should smile at his brother, and he never met any of his Sahabah without smiling at them, as is reported in the hadith of the great Sahabi Jarir ibn `Abdullah, who said:

"The Prophet (PBUH) never refused to see me, after I embraced Islam, and he never saw me without smiling at me."166

Note: 166. Fath al-Bari, 10/504, Kitab al-adab, bab al-tabassum wa'l-dahk; Sahih Muslim, 16/35, Kitab fada'il al-Sahabah, bab fada'il Jarir ibn 'Abdullah.

The Muslim woman who is cheerful and smiles a lot brings joy to her husband's heart, which increases his love and respect for her. This is also the attitude which she brings to the social circle of women with whom she mixes: nothing spreads love and affection in a community like a smiling face and a happy and content soul. These are characteristics which are most befitting to the gentle, polite Muslim woman who seeks to call others to Islam, because it is through these attitudes that she will be able to reach people's hearts.

She is lighthearted and has a sense of humour

The true Muslim woman is lighthearted and has a sense of humour; she is kind in her treatment of others and gentle in her speech. She does not disdain to joke with her sisters and friends on appropriate occasions. But the Muslim woman's jokes are distinguished by their legitimate Islamic nature, and never sink to the level of being cheap, dirty or stupid.

The Prophet (PBUH) used to joke with his Companions, but his jokes never went beyond the bounds of truth. It was narrated that the Sahabah said to the Prophet (PBUH): "You joke with us." He said, "But I never say anything except the truth."167

Note: 167. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/365, Bab al-mazah.

The Sahabah took the same approach to humour. There are many delightful and entertaining reports about the jokes exchanged between the Prophet (PBUH) and his Companions.

Among the reports related in the books of hadith and sirah is that which tells of how the Prophet (PBUH) used to joke with the small child of one of his Sahabah, a boy called Abu `Umayr, who had a little bird he used to play with. One day he saw the child looking sad, so he asked, "Why do I see Abu `Umayr looking sad?" The Sahabah told him, "The nughar168 which he used to play with has died, O Messenger of Allah." The Prophet (PBUH) began to gently joke with the child, saying, "O Abu `Umayr, what happened to the nughayr?"169

Note: 168. Nughar: a small bird, like a sparrow. [Author]

Note: 169. Nughayr: diminutive of nughar [Author]. In Arabic, this is play on words because of the rhyme between the boy's name and that of the bird [Translator]. This story was narrated in Hayat al-Sahabah, 3/149.

A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) to ask him to give him a beast to ride. The Prophet (PBUH) jokingly told him: "I will give you the offspring of a she-camel to ride." He said, "O Messenger of Allah, what shall I do with the offspring of a she-camel? The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Are riding-camels born except from she-camels?"170

Note: 170. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/366, Bab al-mazah.

Imam Ahmad reported from Anas (RAA) that there was a man from the desert people whose name was Zahir. He used to bring gifts from the desert to the Prophet (PBUH), and in return the Prophet (PBUH) would provide him with whatever he needed when he went out to fight. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "Zahir is our man of the desert, and we are his town-dwellers." The Prophet (PBUH) loved him very much, and he (Zahir) was an ugly man. One day the Prophet (PBUH) came to him whilst he was selling some goods. He embraced him from behind. The man could not see him, so he said, "Let me go! Who is this?" Then he turned around and recognised the Prophet (PBUH), so he tried to move closer to him once he knew who it was. The Prophet (PBUH) started saying, "Who will buy this slave?" Zahir said, "O Messenger of Allah, you will find me unsellable." The Prophet (PBUH) said, "But in the sight of Allah (SWT) you are not unsellable," or he said, "But in the sight of Allah (SWT) you are valuable."171

Note: 171. Reported by Ahmad; the men of its isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 9/368, Bab ma ja'a fi Zahir ibn Hizam.

An old woman came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (SWT) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Tell her that she will not enter Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (SWT) says: `We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure [and undefiled]' (Qur'an 56:35-36)."172

Note: 172. Reported by Tirmidhi in al-Shama'il, 111; it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.

One of the hadith that reflect the Prophet's sense of humour and enjoyment of fun is the report narrated by Imam Ahmad from `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who said:

"I went out with the Prophet (PBUH) on a journey. At that time I was still young and was quite slender. The Prophet (PBUH) told the people, `Go on ahead,' and they went on ahead, then he said to me, `Come, let us have a race.' So I raced with him, and I won. He let the matter rest until I had gained weight. Later, I accompanied him on another journey. He told the people, `Go on ahead,' and they went on ahead. He said to me, `Come, let us have a race.' So I raced with him, and he won. He began to laugh, and said, `This is for that.'"173

Note: 173. A sahih hadith narrated by Ahmad, 6/264 and Abu Dawud, 3/41, Kitab al-jihad, bab fi al-sabaq 'ala'l-rajul.

The Prophet (PBUH), the imam, leader and teacher of the Muslims, liked to joke and have fun sometimes, no matter how busy he was with theburdens of leadership and the effort to establish the Islamic state, direct the forces of jihad, and so on. All of this did not keep him from engaging in entertaining jokes and lighthearted fun that would make his Companions - or his wives, on other occasions - feel happy.

Another example is the report narrated by `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who said:

"I came to the Prophet (PBUH) with some harirah (a dish made with flour and milk) that I had cooked for him, and told Sawdah (May Allah be pleased with her), as the Prophet (PBUH) was sitting between me and her - `Eat.' She refused, so I said, `Either you eat, or I will fill your face!' She still refused, so I put my hand in the harirah and daubed her face with it. The Prophet (PBUH) laughed, put some harirah in her hand, and said, `Do the same to her!'" According to another report: "He lowered his knee (moved out of the way) so that she could get her own back on me, then she took some from the plate and wiped my face with it, and the Prophet (PBUH) laughed."174

Note: 174. Reported by Abu Ya'la; the men of its isnad are rijal al-sahih, except for Muhammad ibn 'Amr ibn 'Alqamah, whose hadith is hasan. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 4/316.

These repoare a clear indication of the tolerance of Islam and its followers, and of the kind of lightheartedness and humour that it wants to see in the Muslims. It is a quality that is liked in the serious Muslim woman, for it adds beauty, attraction and influence to her character.

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