The Muslim Woman and Her Community / Society

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She does not remind the beneficiaries her charity

If Allah (SWT) enables the Muslim woman to give generously, she should not fall into the sin of reminding people of her generosity or harming them; she should be keen to keep her giving pure and sincerely for the sake of Allah (SWT), so that she will be one of those whom Allah (SWT) has described in the Qur'an:

( Those who spend their substance in the cause of Allah, and follow not up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury - for them their reward is with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.) (Qur'an 2:262)

The Muslim woman does not forget that there is nothing more likely to cancel out good deeds and destroy the reward of charity than reminding other of it or harming them. Allah (SWT) warns the believers against these deeds in such a way that the believer is shaken and would not even think of reminding others of his charity or harming them:

( O you who believe! Cancel not your charity by reminders of your generosity or by injury. . .) (Qur'an 2:264)

Reminding the poor man whom need has compelled to accept aid from others is humiliating and disrespectful. It is forbidden by Islam, which counts the one who gives and the one who takes as brothers, between whom there is no difference except in their taqwa and good deeds. A brother does not remind his brother of his charity; he does not humiliate him or cause him to lose face. In a hadith narrated by Muslim from Abu Dharr, the Prophet (PBUH) issued a strong warning to those who remind others of their charity, and counted them among those doomed souls to whom Allah (SWT) will not even speak on the Day of Judgement:

"There are three to whom Allah (SWT) will not speak on the Day of Resurrection, nor look at, nor commend them, and theirs will be a severe punishment." The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) repeated this three times. Abu Dharr said, "They are truly lost and doomed. Who are they, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "The one who lets his garment trail below his ankles (out of pride), the one who reminds people of his charity, and the one who sells his goods by means of making false oaths."134

Note: 134. Sahih Muslim, 2/114, Kitab al-iman, bab tahrim isbal al-izar wa'l-mann bi'l-atiyah.

She is patient

The Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam and who is infused with its noble characteristics trains herself to be patient, to control her anger, to forgive and to respond to an evil deed with something better, in accordance with the words of the Qur'an:

( ... Who restrain anger, and pardon [all] men-for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint - none but persons of the greatest good fortune.) (Qur'an 41:34-35)

Selfrestraint at the time of anger, and adopting a calm and patient attitude, are among the most beautiful qualities of Muslim men and women that Allah (SWT) loves to see in His believing servants. This is what was stated by the Prophet (PBUH) in the hadith narrated by Ibn `Abbas (RAA):

"The Prophet (PBUH) said to Ashajj `Abd al-Qays: `You have two qualities that Allah (SWT) loves: patience and deliberation."135

Note: 135. Sahih Muslim, 1/189, Kitab al-iman, bab mubayi'ah wafd 'Abd al-Qays.

Hence the Prophet (PBUH) told the man who came asking him to advise him in just one word: "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request for advice several times, and each time the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Do not become angry."136

Note: 136. Fath al-Bari, 10/519, Kitab al-adab, bab al-hadhr min al-ghadab.

The Muslim woman may become angry sometimes, but her anger is for the sake of Allah (SWT), not for her own sake. She may become angry when she sees carelessness, wilful neglect and downright insolence towards matters of religamong women. She has the right to be angry in such situations. This is how the Prophet (PBUH) used to be, as Bukhari and Muslim narrated:

"The Prophet (PBUH) never took revenge for his own sake, but if the laws of Allah (SWT) were violated, he would take revenge for the sake of Allah (SWT)."137

Note: 137. Fath al-Bari, 10/519, Kitab al-munaqib, bab siffah al-Nabi (PBUH); Sahih Muslim, 15/83, Kitab al-fada'il, bab muba'idatahihi (PBUH) li'l-atham.

The Prophet (PBUH) used to become furious, and his face would redden, if he heard some insult to the reputation of Islam, or if he discovered some error or negligence in applying its laws and carrying out its punishments.

He became furious the day a man came to him and said, "I always come late to salat al-subh (fajr prayer) because of So-and-so, who always makes the prayer too lenghty." The Prophet (PBUH) was never seen as angry in his rebuke as he was on that day. He said, "O people, there are among you those who put others off from good deeds. When anyone leads the people in prayer, he should keep it short, for behind him are the old, the young, and the one who has a pressing need."138

Note: 138. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 3/409, Kitab al-salat, bab al-iman yukhaffif al-salat; this version is that given by Muslim.

He also became angry the day he returned from a journey and found a thin curtain covered with pictures in `A'ishah's house. When he saw it, he tore it down and his face reddened. He told her: "O `A'ishah, the people who will be most severely punished by Allah (SWT) on the Day of Resurrection will be those who imitate the creation of Allah (SWT)."139

Note: 139. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 12/128, Kitab al-libas, bab al-tasawir; this version is that given by Muslim.

He also became angry when Usamah ibn Zayd spoke to him concerning the Makhzumi woman who had committed theft, and the Prophet (PBUH) had decreed that the appropriate punishment be carried out on her. The people said, "Who will speak to the Prophet (PBUH) about her?" Then they said, "Who dares to do this but Usamah ibn Zayd, his beloved?" So Usamah spoke to him, and the Prophet (PBUH) said angrily, "Are you interceding to stop one of the punishments ordained by Allah (SWT)?" Then he got up and addressed the people: "Those who came before you were destroyed because when one of their noblemen committed theft, they let him off, but when one of the weak among them committed theft, then they would carry out the punishment on him. By Allah (SWT), if Fatimah the daughter of Muhammad were to commit theft, I would cut off her hand."140

Note: 140. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 10/328, Kitab al-hudud, bab qata'yad al-sharif wa'l-mar'ah wa'l-shafa'ah fi'l-hadd..

Such was the anger of the Prophet (PBUH), and these are the valid reasons for anger according to Islam. Anger should be for the sake of Allah (SWT), not one's own ego.

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of Islam and follows the example of the Prophet (PBUH) always keeps his teachings, behavior and deeds in mind, so she controls herself when she feels angry with people, and her anger is only for the sake of Allah (SWT), His religion and the sanctity of His laws.

She is easy-going and does not bear grudges

The Muslim woman does not bear grudges, and resentment has no room in her heart, because Islam has uprooted hatred from her heart, extinguished the flames of anger, cleansed her soul of enmity, and planted the seeds of sisterly love, tolerance and forgiveness.

Islam has uncompromisingly declared war on ignorance, tribalism, hostility, enmity and revenge, and has made forgiveness, tolerance, love and kindness dear to the hearts of Muslim men and women. Allah (SWT) says:

( ... Who restrain anger, and pardon all men - for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

This is praise for those who restrain their anger and do not bear grudges, who have raised themselves to the level of forgiveness and tolerance, which is a high level indeed, and very difficult to attain. None can reach it except those who are pure of heart and have shed the inclination towards hostility, enmity and revenge and thus earned the right to reach the level of ihsan, and Allah (SWT) loves those who do good (al-muhsinun).

Through this noble teaching, Islam was able to penetrate the hearts of the believers, and cleanse and purify them, so that hearts that had been dominated by anger and hatred became hearts that were filled with love and devotion.

One of the most striking examples of this miraculous change of heart is the story of Hind bint `Utbah, whose heart before she embraced Islam was filled with the poison of hatred and enmity towards the Prophet (PBUH) and his family and companions. On the day of the Conquest of Makkah, the Prophet (PBUH) even declared that her blood might be shed with impunity, as a punishment for her having mutilated the body of his uncle Hamzah (RAA) on the day of Uhud. When we embraced Islam and faith penetrated deep into her heart, she came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, there was no family on earth that I would have loved to see humiliated more than your family, but from this day on, there is no family on earth I would love to see honoured more than your family."141

Note: 141. Fath al-Bari, 7/141, Kitab munqib al-Ansar, bab dhikr Hind bint 'Utbah.

For the sake of Allah (SWT) and His Religion, blood feuds will be forgotten, hostility will vanish, those who previously hated one another will become friends, and the inclination towards enmity will be uprooted.

In the most brilliant fashion, the Qur'an raises the human soul to this difficult, high level. It states that the one who has been treated unjustly has the right to defend himself and resist oppression (an eye for an eye), but it does not allow the one who has been wronged to be overtaken by the desire for revenge. Rather, it gently leads him or her towards the level of patience, tolerance and forgiveness, and states that this is something that takes a great deal of determination and willpower:

( And those who, when an oppressive wrong is inflicted on them, [are not cowed but] help and defend themselves. The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto [in degree]: but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah: for Allah loves not those who do wrong.

But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong [done] to them, against such is no cause of blame. The blame is only against those who oppress men with wrongdoing and insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land, defying right and justice: for such there will be a Penalty grievous.

But indeed if any show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.) (Qur'an 42:39-43)

When Abu Bakr (RAA) was overwhelmed with sorrow because of the slander he heard uttered against his daughter `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), he vowed to himself to cut off his help to those ungrateful recipients of his bounty who had joined in the sinful gossip. But Allah, Who knew the purity of Abu Bakr's heart and his devotion to Allah (SWT) and His Messenger, did not allow him to be taken over by the desire for revenge that crossed his mind, so He guided him back towards his essential good nature and purity of heart, and motivated him to strive for the higher level of tolerance and forgiveness:

( Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want, and those who have left their homes in Allah's cause: Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.) (Qur'an 24:22)

Interactions between individuals in an Islamic society that is founded on the brotherhood of faith are not based on an attitude of watching for counting mistakes, or the desire for revenge, or defensiveness; they are based on brotherhood, overlooking errors and tolerance. This is what Islam and the brotherhood of faith call for:

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint - none but persons of the greatest good fortune.) (Qur'an 41: 34-35)

If evil is always repaid with evil, the result will be intense hatred and bitter grudges. But if evil is repaid with good, it will extinguish the fires of hatred, calm people down, and remove their grudges. The two women who were enemies will become true friends when one of them speaks a kind word or smiles compassionately at the other. This is a great victory for the one who evil with something better, and turned enmity into friendship, hatred to love. No one attains this but persons of the greatest good fortune, as the Qur'an states. Such a person responds to the evil she faces with a measure of patience and self-control, and repels it with something good.

This is the attitude of true believing women in a Muslim community that is based on love, friendship and tolerance. Many ayat and hadith reinforce this message and seek to instill this attitude in believers' hearts, always training them to adopt that attitude of forgiveness that will leave no trace of hatred, resentment or malice:

( . . . So overlook [any human faults] with gracious forgiveness.) (Qur'an 15:85)

The Prophet (PBUH), by his words and deeds, was a living example of this worthy human virtue of tolerance and forgiveness, and he urged others to adopt it also.

`A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:

"The Prophet (PBUH) never struck any person, woman or servant with his hand, except when he was fighting in the way of Allah (SWT), and he never took offence at anything and sought revenge for it, except when one of the laws of Allah (SWT) had been violated, and then he would take revenge for the sake of Allah (SWT)."142

Note: 142. Sahih Muslim, 15/84, Kitab al-fada'il, bab muba'idatihi (PBUH) li'l-atham.

He (PBUH) used to follow the commands of Allah (SWT):

( Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but turn away from the ignorant.) (Qur'an 7:199)

By the following the command of Allah (SWT),

( . . . Repel Evil with what is better . . . ) (Qur'an 41:34)

the Prophet (PBUH) was a unique example of this sublime attitude, which encompassed and appealed to all people. He did not repay their evil with evil, rather he repelled it with an attitude of forgiveness and good manners, turning away from the ignorant and repelling evil with something better.

Anas (RAA) said:

"I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), and he was wearing a Najrani cloak with a stiff collar. A Bedouin came up to him and grabbed him roughly, and I looked at the Prophet's shoulder and saw the mark left by his collar because of this rough approach. Then the Bedouin said, `O Muhammad, order that I be given some of the wealth of Allah (SWT) that you have!' The Prophet (PBUH) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he be given something."143

Note: 143. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Riyadh al-Salihin, 344, Bab al-'afu wa'l- 'rad 'an al-jahilin.

The attitude of forgiveness was so deeply entrenched in his noble heart that he even forgave the Jewish woman who sent him poisoned mutton, as Bukhari, Muslim and others narrate. This Jewish woman sent a gift of poisoned mutton to the Prophet (PBUH), and he and a group of his Companions began to eat it, then he said, "Stop! It is poisoned!" The woman was brought to the Prophet (PBUH) and he asked her, " What made you do that?" She said: "I wanted to know if you were really a Prophet, in which case Allah (SWT) would warn you and the poison would not harm you. If you were not a Prophet, then we would have been rid of you." The Companions asked, "Shall we kill her?" He said, "No," and forgave her.144

Note: 144. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim with similar wording. See Fath al-Bari, 7/497, Kitab al-maghazi, bab al-shat al-masmumah and 5/230, Kitab al-hibbah, bab qabul al-hadiyah min al-mushrikin; Sahih Muslim, 14/178, Kitab al-salam, bab al-samm.

When the tribe of Daws rebelled and refused to follow the commands of Allah (SWT) and His Messenger, al-Tufayl ibn `Amr al-Dawsi came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said, "Daws have rebelled, so pray to Allah (SWT) against them." The Prophet (PBUH) faced the qiblah and raised his hands, and the people said, "They are finished!" But the Prophet (PBUH), who was merciful and tolerant, and did not want to see the punishment of Allah (SWT) befall people, prayed for Daws, saying, "O Allah, guide Daws and bring them here; O Allah, guide Daws and bring them here; O Allah, guide Daws and bring them here."145

Note: 145. (Bukhari and Muslim), See Sharh al-Sunnah, 5/150, Kitab al-da'wat, bat al-du'a li'l-kuffar bi'l-hidayah

The Prophet (PBUH) instilled in people's hearts the attitude of always forgiving and being tolerant, even when faced with harshness and being boycotted. With the deep insight with which Allah (SWT) had endowed him, he understood that people respond better to tolerance than to harshness.

Therefore when `Uqbah ibn `Amir asked him, "O Messenger of Allah, tell me the best of deeds," he told him, "O `Uqbah, maintain ties with the one who cuts you off, give to the one who deprives you, and do not seek revenge on the one who wrongs you." According to another report, he said, "Forgive the one who wrongs you."146

Note: 146. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; the men of Ahmad's isnad are thiqat . See Majma'al-Zawa'id, 8/188, Bab makarim al-akhlaq.

The Mothers of the Believers, (May Allah be pleased with them) also adopted this sublime attitude. An example of this is the attitude of Safiyyah (May Allah be pleased with her) towards her female slave who went to the khalifah `Umar ibn al-Khattab and said, "O Amir al-Mu'minin, Safiyyah loves the Sabbath (Saturday) and maintains ties with the Jews." `Umar sent for Safiyyah and questioned her about that. She replied: "As far as the Sabbath is concerned, I have not love it since Allah (SWT) replaced it with Jumu`ah (Friday) for me. As for the jews, I have relatives among them with whom I uphold the ties of kinship." Then she turned to her slave and asked her what had made her tell such a lie. The slave woman answered, "Shaytan." Safiyyah distinguished herself by responding to evil with something better. She told the slave woman: "Go, you are free."147

Note: 147. Ibn'Abd al-Barr, al-Isti'ab, 4/1872; Ibn Hijr, al-Isabah, 8/127.

No doubt Safiyyah was one of those to whom the words of the Qur'an applied:

( Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel [Evil] with what is better: then will he between whom and you was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint - none but persons of the greatest good fortune.) (Qur'an 41:34-35)

She was most certainly a person of the greatest good fortune.

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