The Muslim Woman and Her Community / Society
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She avoids suspicion
Another attribute of the true Muslim woman is that she does not form unfounded suspicions about anybody. She avoids suspicion as much as possible, as Allah (SWT) has commanded in the Qur'an:
( O you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much [as possible]: for suspicion in some cases is a sin . . .) (Qur'an 49:12)
She understands that by being suspicious of others she may fall into sin, especially if she allows her imagination free rein to dream up possibilities and illusions, and accuses them of shameful deeds of which they are innocent. This is the evil suspicion which is forbidden in Islam.
The Prophet (PBUH) issued a stern warning against suspicion and speculation that has no foundation in reality. He (PBUH) said:
"Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech."59
Note: 59. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/109, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab ma la yajuz min al-zann.
The Prophet (PBUH) counted suspicion as being the falsest of speech. The truly sincere Muslim woman who is keen to speak the truth always would never even allow words that carry the stench of untruth to cross her tongue, so how can she allow herself to fall into the trap of uttering the falsest of speech?
When the Prophet (PBUH) warned against suspicion and called it the falsest of speech, he was directing the Muslims, men and women, to take people at face value, and to avoid speculating about them or doubting them. It is not the attitude of a Muslim, nor is it his business, to uncover people's secrets, to expose their private affairs, or to slander them. Only Allah (SWT) knows what is in people's hearts, and can reveal it or call them to account for it, for only He knows all that is secret and hidden. A man, in contrast, knows nothing of his brother except what he sees him do. This was the approach of the Sahabah and Tabi`in who received the pure and unadulterated guidance of Islam.
`Abd al-Razzaq reported from `Abdullah ibn `Utbah ibn Mas`ud:
"I heard `Umar ibn al-Khattab (RAA) say: `People who used to follow the wahy (Revelation) at the time of the Prophet (PBUH), but now the wahy has ceased. So now we take people at face value. If someone appears good to us, we trust him and form a close relationship with him on the basis of what we see of his deeds. We have nothing to do with his inner thoughts, which are for Allah (SWT) to judge. And if someone appears bad to us, we do not trust him or believe him, even if he tells us that his inner thoughts are good."60
Note: 60. Hayat al-Sahabah, 2/151
The true Muslim woman who is adhering to that which will help her to remember Allah (SWT) and do good deeds, will exercise the utmost care in every word she utters concerning her Muslim sister, whether directly or indirectly. She tries to be sure about every judgement she makes about people, always remembering the words of Allah (SWT):
( And pursue not that of which you have no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing, or of [feeling in] the heart will be enquired into [on the Day of Reckoning].) (Qur'an 17:36)
So she does not transgress this wise and definitive prohibition: she does not speak except with knowledge, and she does not pass judgement except with certainty.
The true Muslim woman always reminds herself of the watching angel who is assigned to record every word she utters and every judgement she forms, and this increases her fear of falling into the sin of suspicion:
( Not a word does he utter, but there is a sentinel by him, ready [to note it].) (Qur'an 50:18)
The alert Muslim woman understands the responsibility she bears for every word she utters, because she knows that these words may raise her to a position where Allah (SWT) is pleased with her, or they may earn her His wrath, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"A man could utter a word that pleases Allah (SWT), and not realize the consequences of it, for Allah (SWT) may decree that he is pleased with him because of it until the Day he meets Him. Similarly, a man could utter a word that angers Allah (SWT), and not realize the consequences of it, for Allah (SWT) may decree that He is angry with him because of it until the Day of Resurrection."61
Note: 61. A sahih hadith narrated by Malik in al-Muwatta', 2/975, Kitab al-kalam, bab ma yu'mar bihi min al-tahaffuz fi'l-kalam.
How great is our responsibility for the words we utter! How serious are the consequences of the words that our garrulous tongues speak so carelessly!
The true Muslim woman who is God-fearing and intelligent does not listen to people's idle talk, or pay attention to the rumours and speculation that are rife in our communities nowadays, especially in the gatherings of foolish and careless women. Consequently she never allows herself to pass on whatever she hears of such rumours without being sure that they are true. She believes that to do so would be the kind of haram lie that was clearly forbidden by the Prophet (PBUH):
"It is enough lying for a man to repeat everything that he hears."62
Note: 62. Sahih Muslim, 1/73, Introduction, Bab al-nahy 'an al-hadith bi kulli ma sami'a.
She refrains from backbiting and spreading malicious gossip
The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of Islam is conscious of Allah (SWT), fearing Him in secret and in the open. She carefully avoids uttering any word of slander or malicious gossip that could anger her Lord and include her among those spreaders of malicious gossip who are severely condemned in the Qur'an and Sunnah.
When she reads the words of Allah (SWT):
( . . . Nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, you would abhor it . . . But fear Allah, for Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.) (Qur'an 49:12)
she is filled with revulsion for the hateful crime of gossip, which is likened to the eating of her dead sister's flesh. So she hastens to repent, as Allah (SWT) commands at the end of the ayah, encouraging the one who has fallen into the error of backbiting to repent quickly from it.
She aheeds the words of the Prophet (PBUH), who said:
"The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and whose hand the Muslims are safe."63
Note: 63. Sahih Muslim, 2/12, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan tafadul al-Islam.
So she feels that gossip is a sin which does not befit the Muslim woman who has uttered the words of the Shahadah, and that the woman who is used to gossip in social gatherings is not among the righteous Muslim women.
`A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:
"I said to the Prophet (PBUH), `It is enough for you that Safiyyah is such-and-such.'" Snarrators said that she meant she was short of stature. The Prophet (PBUH) said: "You have spoken a word that, if it were to mixed with the waters of the sea, it would contaminate them."64
Note: 64. Reported by Abu Dawud, 4/371, Kitab al-adab, bab fi'l-ghibah; Tirmidhi, 4/660, Kitab sifat al-qiyamah, 51; he said it is a hasan sahih hadith.
The Muslim woman pays attention to the description of the seven acts that may lead to a person's condemnation, which the Prophet (PBUH) called on people to avoid. In this list, she finds something that is even worse and more dangerous than mere gossip, namely the slander of chaste, innocent believing women, which is a sin that some women fall into in their gatherings:
"Avoid (the) seven things that could lead to perdition." It was asked, "O Messenger of Allah, what are they?" He said: "Shirk [associating any partner with Allah (SWT)]; witchcraft (sihr); killing anyone for whom Allah (SWT) has forbidden killing, except in the course of justice; consuming the wealth of the orphan; consuming riba (usury); running away from the battlefield; and slandering chaste and innocent believing women."65
Note: 65. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 1/86, Kitab al-iman, bab al-kaba'ir.
The Muslim woman who truly understands this teaching takes the issue of gossip very seriously, and does not indulge in any type of gossip or tolerate anyone to gossip in her company. She defends her sisters from hostile gossip and refutes whatever bad things are being said about them, in accordance with the words of the Prophet (PBUH):
"Whoever defends the flesh of his brother in his absence, Allah (SWT) will save him from the Fire."66
Note: 66. Reported with a hasan isnad by Ahmad, 6/461.
The true Muslim woman also refrains from spreading malicious gossip, because she understands the dangerous role it plays in spreading evil and corruption in society and breaking the ties of love and friendship between its members, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained:
"The best of the servants of Allah (SWT) are those who, when they are seen, Allah (SWT) is remembered (i.e., they are very pious). The worst of the servants of Allah (SWT) are those who spread malicious gossip, cause division between friends, and seek to cause trouble for innocent people."67
Note: 67. Reported with a sahih isnad by Ahmad, 4/227.
It is enough for the woman who spreads malicious gossip and causes trouble between friends and splits them up to know that if she persists in her evil ways, there awaits her humiliation in this life and a terrible destiny in the next, as the Prophet (PBUH) declared that the blessings of Paradise will be denied to every person who spreads malicious gossip. This is stated clearly in the sahih hadith:
"The one who engages in malicious gossip will not enter Paradise."68
Note: 68. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/147, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab wa'id al-namam.
What fills the believing woman's heart with fear and horror of the consequences of spreading malicious gossip is the fact that Allah (SWT) will pour His punishment upon the one who engaged in this sin from the moment he or she is laid in the grave. We find this in the hadith which Bukhari, Muslim and others narrated from Ibn `Abbas (RAA):
"The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) passed by two graves, and said: `They are being punished, but they are not being punished for any major sin. One of them used to spread malicious gossip, and the other used not to clean himself properly after urinating.'" He (Ibn `Abbas) said: "He called for a green branch and split it in two, then planted a piece on each grave and said, `May their punishment be reduced so long as these remain fresh.'"69
Note: 69. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 1/370, Kitab al-taharah, bab al-istitar 'inda qada' al-hajah.
She avoids cursing and foul language
The Muslim woman who has absorbed the good manners taught by Islam never utters obscene language or foul words, or offends people with curses and insults, bacause she knows that the moral teachings of Islam completely forbid all such talk. Cursing is seen as a sin that damages the quality of a person's adherance to Islam, and the foul-mouthed person is intensely disliked by Allah (SWT).
Ibn Mas`ud (RAA) said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) said: `Cursing a Muslim is a sin and killing him is kufr.'"70
Note: 70. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 1/76, Kitab al-iman, bab 'alamat al-nifaq.
The Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Allah (SWT) does not love anyone who is foul-mouthed and obscene."71
Note: 71. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; the men of itsisnad are thiqat. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 8/64.
"Allah (SWT) will hate the disgusting, foul-mouthed person."72
Note: 72. Reported by al-Tabarani; the men of its isnad are thiqat. See Majma' al-Zawa'id, 8/64.
It is a quality that does not befit the Muslim woman who has been guided by the truth of Islam and whose heart has been filled with the sweetness of faith. So she keeps far away from disputes and arguments in which cheap insults and curses are traded. The alert Muslim woman is further encouraged to avoid such moral decadence whenever she remembers the beautiful example set by the Prophet (PBUH) in all his words and deeds. It is known that he never uttered any words that could hurt a person's feelings, damage his reputation or insult his honour.
Anas ibn Malik (RAA), who accompanied the Prophet (PBUH) closely for many years, said:
"The Prophet (PBUH) never used foul language, or cursed, or swore. When he wanted to rebuke someone, he would say, `What is wrong with him? May his forehead be covered with dust!'"73
Note: 73. Fath al-Bari, 10/452, Kitab al-adab, bab lam yakun al-Nabi (PBUH) fashishan wala mutafahhishan.
He even refrained from cursing the kafirin who had hardened their hearts to his message. He never spoke a harmful word to them, as the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah said:
"It was said: `O Messenger of Allah, pray against the mushrikin.' He said, `I was not sent as a curse, but I was sent as a mercy.'"74
Note: 74. Sahih Muslim, 16/150, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab man la'anahu al-Nabi (PBUH).
The Prophet (PBUH) excelled in removing the roots of evil, hatred and enmity in people's hearts when he explained to the Muslims that the one who gives his tongue free rein in slandering people and their wealth and honour is the one who is truly ruined in this world and the next. His aggressive attitude towards others will cancel out whatever good deeds he may have done in his life, and on the Day of Judgement he will be abandoned, with no protection from the Fire:
"The Prophet (PBUH) said: `Do you know who is the one who is ruined? They said, `It is the one who has no money or possessions.' He said, `The one who is ruined among my ummah is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting and zakat to his credit, but he insulted this one, slandered that one, devoured this one's wealth, shed that one's blood, and beat that one. So some of his hasanat will be given to this one and some to that one. . . And if his hasanat run out before all his victims have been compensated, then some of their sins will be taken and added to his, then he will be thrown into Hell.'"75
Note: 75. Sahih Muslim, 16/135, Kitab al-birr a'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab tahrim al-zulm.
Not surprisingly, therefore, all of this nonsense is eliminated from the life of true Muslim women. Disputes and arguments which could lead to curses and insults are rare in the community of true Muslim women that is based on the virtues of good manners, respect for the feelings of others, and a refined level of social interaction.
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