The Muslim Woman and Her Friends and Sisters in Islam

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She is sincere towards them

One of the virtues of the true Muslim woman is that she is completely sincere, towards Allah (SWT), His Prophet, and to the leaders and the masses of the Muslims, as is stated in the sahih hadith:

Religion is sincerity25. We [the Sahabah] asked, To whom?

Note: 25. Nasihah is an Arabic word that may be translated by a number of words in English. The most common translation is "good advice," but it also carries connotations of sincerity, integrity, and "doing justice to a person or situation." [Translator]

He [the Prophet (PBUH)] said: To Allah (SWT) (by obeying Him, attributing to Him what He deserves and performing jihad for His sake); to His Book (by reading it, understanding it and applying it to one's daily life); to His Prophet (by respecting him greatly and fighting on his behalf both in his lifetime and after his death, and by following his sunnah); to the rulers of the Muslims (by helping them in their task of leading Muslims to the right path and alerting them if they are heedless); and to their common folk (by being merciful towards them).26

Note: 26. Sahih Muslim, 2/37, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan an al-din nasihah. The explanations in brackets are adapted from those given in the English translation of Sahih Bukhari by Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan (Vol. 1, p. 48). [Translator]

This attitude makes the Muslim woman sincere towards her sisters. She does not cheat them, mislead them, or conceal anything good from them. When she is always sincere towards them it is not merely for the sake of courtesy or to show off her social manners; she behaves in this way because sincerity is one of the fundamental bases of Islam which the first believers used to pledge to observe in their oath of allegiance (bay`ah) to of the Prophet (PBUH), as Jarir ibn `Abdullah stated:

I gave allegiance to the Prophet (PBUH) and pledged to observe regular prayer, to pay zakat, and to be sincere towards every Muslim.27

Note: 27. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 1/63, Kitab al-iman, bab al-bay'ah 'ala'l-Islam.

In the hadith quoted above, we see that the Prophet (PBUH) summed up Islam in one word, nasihah, showing that sincerity is the central foundation of the faith. For without sincerity, a person's faith is invalid and his or her Islam is worthless. This is the meaning of the hadith of the Prophet (PBUH):

None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself.28

Note: 28. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/60, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab yuhibbu li akhihi ma yuhibbu li nafsihi.

This is impossible to achieve unless one loves one's brother with all sincerity.

A person's liking for his brother what he likes for himself is no easy matter. It is very difficult to attain, and no man or woman can attain it except the one who has received a sound Islamic education, whose heart has been cleansed of all selfishness, hatred, envy and malice, and who is infused with love for others.

The true Muslim woman who feels in the depths of her soul that her love for her sister is one of the conditions of true faith and that her religion is based on sincerity, is more likely to attain that difficult level; indeed, it is something that comes naturally to her in her dealings with her friends and sisters, and she becomes a truthful mirror to them, advising and correcting them, and wishing them nothing but good, as Abu Hurayrah used to say:

The believer is the mirror of his brother. If he sees any fault in him, he corrects it.29

Note: 29. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/333, Bab al-Muslim mir'ah akhihi.

In these words, Abu Hurayrah was echoing the hadith of the Prophet (PBUH):

The believer is the mirror of his brother. The believer is the brother of a believer: he protects him from ruin and guards his back.30

Note: 30. Ibid.

It is natural that the true Muslim woman should have this noble attitude towards her sister. She could not do otherwise, even if she wanted to: the person who is living on such an exalted level of purity, love, loyalty and sisterhood cannot come down to the level of hatred, betrayal, malice, selfishness and jealousy. A vessel will leak whatever is in it; musk cannot but smell beautiful; and good soil cannot but bring forth good produce. How beautifully the poet Zuhayr ibn Abi Sulma expressed this:

Does any plant produce large flowers but the washij (a plant with spear-like leaves)?

Are palm-trees planted anywhere except in the soil which is suitable for them?31

Note: 31. Sharh Diwan Zuhayr, 115, published by Dar al-Kutub al-Misriyyah.

She is faithful and kind towards them

Islam does not stop at encouraging its followers to respect and be kind to their friends; it also encourages them to be kind to their parents' friends too, in recognition of the virtue of kindness and loyalty and in order to establish these values as an essential part of Islamic life. The books of our heritage are filled with reports of loyalty and kindness that the salaf embodied in their daily lives, so that they became a fine example for all of mankind.

An example of this is the hadith narrated by Imam Muslim in his Sahih from Ibn `Umar (RAA), in which the Prophet (PBUH) said:

The best kind of goodness (b) is that a man should keep in touch with and respect his father's friend.32

Note: 32. Sahih Muslim, 16/110, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab fadl silah asdiqa' al-abb wa'l-umm.

The Prophet (PBUH) used to nurture the souls of the Muslims and plant the seeds of faithfulness in them whenever he found an opportunity to tell them something of his guidance. A man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked: O Messenger of Allah, is there any deed of kindness and respect that I can do for my parents after they die? He said, Yes, pray for them, ask forgiveness for them, fulfil their promises after they die, keep in contact with your relatives - for you have no relatives except through them - and honour their friends.33

Note: 33. Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, 2/162, Kitab al-birr wa'l-ihsan, bab haqq al-walidayn.

The Prophet (PBUH) set the highest example of faithfulness and kindness by taking care of Khadijah's friends after she died. He never forgot them or neglected to treat them kindly. The Prophet's concern for the friends of Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her) upset `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who felt jealous of her. This is clear from the words of `A'ishah:

I never felt jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet (PBUH) as I did of Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her), although I had never seen her. But he used to mention her often, and sometimes he would slaughter a sheep, butcher the meat, and send it to Khadijah's friends. One time I said to him, `It is as if there were no other woman in the world but Khadijah!' He said, `She was such-and-such, and I had children by her.'34

Note: 34. Fath al-Bari, 7/133, Kitab manaqib al-Ansar, bab tazwij al-Nabi (SAAS) Khadijah wa fadliha; Sahih Muslim, 15/201, Kitab al-fada'il, bab fada'il Khadijah.

According to another report: He used to slaughter a sheep and send to her friends a goodly amount of it.35

Note: 35. Fath al-Bari, 7/133, Kitab manaqib al-Ansar, bab tazwij al-Nabi (SAAS) Khadijah wa fadliha.

By this example, the Prophet (PBUH) expanded the concept of faithfulness and kindness to include the distant friends of deceased parents and wives. So what about our own friends who are still alive!

She is kind to them

The Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam is never arrogant towards her sisters and friends; she is never sullen towards them, and never uses harsh words with them. She is always kind, gentle and friendly towards them, treating them well and speaking nicely to them. The words of Allah (SWT) describing the believers, men and women, as being ( . . . lowly [or humble] with the believers, mighty against the kafirun . . .) (Qur'an 5:54) are sufficient to give her the most vivid picture of how the Muslim woman should be with her friends and sisters. The ideal situation is to be so gentle and kind that it almost looks like humility.

When the Muslim woman hears the Prophet's teachings she finds strong evidence in support of kindness towards others; it is described as something that may adorn every aspect of life, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

There is no kindness in a thing but it adds beauty to it, and there is no absence of kindness but it disfigures a thing.36

Note: 36. Sahih Muslim, 16/146, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab fadl al-rifq.

When the Muslim woman studies the life of the Prophet (PBUH), she is impressed by the magnificent nature of his character, his overwhelming gentleness and his utmost kindness in his dealings with people. He was never known to scowl at anybody, or to speak harshly, or to be severe or harsh-hearted. Allah (SWT) indeed spoke the truth when He said:

( . . . Were you severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you . . .) (Qur'an 3:159)

Anas (RAA), his servant and constant companion, described his noble character thus:

I served the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) for ten years, and he never said to me `Uff! [The smallest word of contempt]. If I did something, he never said `Why did you do that?' and if I did not do something, he never said `Why did you not do that?'37

Note: 37. Bukhari and Muslim. See Riyad al-Salihin, 336, Bab husn al-khalq.

Anas also said:

The Prophet (PBUH) never used obscene language, or uttered curses and insults. If he wanted to rebuke someone, he would say, `What is the matter with him, may his forehead be covered with dust!38'39

Note: 39. Fath al-Bari, 10/452, Kitab al-adab, bab lam yakun al-Nabi (PBUH) fashishan wa la mutafahhishan.

Note: 38. It has been suggested that what was meant by this expression was that the Prophet (PBUH) was praying that the person would increase his sujud, i.e. pray more, as this would guide and reform him. [Author]

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