The Muslim Woman and Her Friends and Sisters in Islam

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She does not forsake or abandon her sister

The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of Islam does not ignore the fact that Islam, which encourages brotherly love and mutual affection, is also the religion that has forbidden brothers and sisters in faith to hate or abandon one another. Islam has explained that two people who truly love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT) will not be separated by the first minor offence that either of them may commit, because the bond of love for the sake of Allah (SWT) is too strong to be broken by such minor matters. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

No two people who love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT), or for the sake of Islam, will let the first minor offence of either of them come between them.11

Note: 11. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/493, Bab hijrah al-Muslim.

Anger may strike a woman in moments of human weakness, and she may hurt her sister, which could provoke harsh feelings and conflicts. In such cases, the Muslim woman should not forget that Islam does not ignore human nature and its vulnerability to changing emotions. For this reason, Islam has defined the length of time during which anger may subside. This time is considered to be three days. After this time has passed, it is forbidden for the two conflicting parties to refuse to seek a reconciliation. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

It is not permissible for a Muslim to be estranged from his brother for more than three days, both of them turning away from one another when they meet. The better of them is the one who is first to greet the other.12

Note: 12. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/100, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab al-nahy 'an hijran al-ikhwan.

The word Muslim obviously includes both men and women when it occurs in hadith like this, which set out the regulations governing the lives of individuals, families and societies in the world of Islam.

Hence we can see that the Muslim woman whose soul has been shaped by Islam does not persist in ignoring her sister, no matter what the reason. Rather, she will hasten to bring about a reconciliation and greet her with salam, because she knows that the better of them is the one who is the first to greet the other. If her sister returns her salam, both of them will share the reward for the reconciliation, but if she does not return the greeting, then then one who gave the greeting will be absolved of the sin of forsaking her sister, while the one who refused to return the salam will have to bear the burden of that sin alone. This is made clear by the hadith in which Abu Hurayrah said:

I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: `It is not permissible for a man to be estranged from a believer for more than three days. If three days have passed, then he should go and give salam to him; if he returns the salam, then both of them will have share in the reward, and if he does not respond then the one who gave the salam will be absolved of the sin of estrangement.13

Note: 13. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/505, Bab inna al-salam yujzi' min al-sawm.

It goes without saying that the word man in the context of this hadith refers to both men and women. The longer the period of estrangement lasts, the greater the sin of both parties becomes, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he had shed his blood.14

Note: 14. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/497, Bab man hajara akhahu sanah.

How evil is the crime of forsaking one's brother or sister, according to Islam! How heavy is the burden of the one who is guilty of this crime that is likened to the shedding of blood! The Islamic system of education is based on mutual love and affection, and ongoing contact. Therefore Islam wants Muslim men and women to eliminate hatred and envy from their lives, and not to give any room to those evil characteristics that contradict the brotherhood of faith. Hence Islam is filled with teachings that describe the best ethics ever known since man first walked on the face of the earth:

Do not break off ties with one another, do not turn away from one another, do not hate one another, do not envy one another. Be brothers, as Allah (SWT) has commanded you.15

Note: 15. Sahih Muslim, 16/120, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab tahrim al-zann wa'l-tajassus wa'l-tanafus.

Beware of suspicion, for speaking on the basis of suspicion is the worst kind of lie. Do not seek out one another's faults, do not spy on one another, do not compete with one another, do not envy one another, do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another. O servants of Allah (SWT), be brothers.16

Note: 16. Bukhari and Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/109, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab ma la yajuz min al-zann.

Do not envy one another, do not outbid one another (in order to inflate prices), do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, and do not enter into a transaction when others have already entered into it. O servants of Allah (SWT), be brothers. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not oppress him, humiliate him or look down upon him. Taqwa is here - and so saying, he pointed to his chest three times. It is evil enough for a man to look down upon his Muslim brother. The whole of a Muslim's being is sacred to another Muslim - his blood, his wealth and his honour are inviolable.17

Note: 17. Sahih Muslim, 16/120, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab tahrim zulm al-Muslim wa khadhaluhu wa ihtiqarahu.

The Muslim woman who has received a sound Islamic education thinks deeply about these teachings of the Prophet (PBUH), which contain all the most noble characteristics such as love, friendship, brotherhood, sincerity, compassion and selflessness. She will not be able to persist in her hatred, for nobody can do so except the one who is mean and narrow-minded, or has a diseased heart or twisted nature. The true Muslim woman is far removed from such evil characteristics.

Therefore Islam issues a stern warning to those hard-hearted people, men and women alike, who are deviating from true Islam and its spirit of tolerance by insisting on remaining estranged. They are risking an awful fate in the Hereafter: their actions may prevent them from attaining the mercy and forgiveness of Allah (SWT), and may close the doors of Paradise to them. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

The doors of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and every servant who does not associate anything with Allah (SWT) will be forgiven, except for the man who bears a grudge against his brother. It will be said, `Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.'18

Note: 18. Sahih Muslim, 16/122, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab al-nahy 'an al-shahna'.

The great Sahabi Abu'l-Darda' (RAA) used to say: Shall I not tell you about something that is better for you than charity and fasting? Reconcile between your brothers, for hatred diminishes reward.19

Note: 19. Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/505, Bab al-shahna'.

How important it is for women to understand and meditate upon this great Sahabi's penetrating insight into the spirit of this religion, which is based on brotherhood and love, when they have arguments and conflicts. Abu'l-Darda', whose intelligence and good sense the Prophet (PBUH) used to trust, understood that hatred cancels out good deeds and destroys rewards, so reconciling the estranged Muslim with his brother is better for him than charity and fasting, because if he were to continue bearing a grudge against his brother, this would negate any reward he might receive for those acts of worship.

She is tolerant and forgiving towards them

The Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam is tolerant towards her friends and sisters, and does not bear grudges against them. If she becomes angry with one of her sisters, she restrains heanger and freely forgives the one who has committed an error, without seeing any shame in doing so. In fact, she sees this as a good deed which will bring her closer to Allah (SWT):

( . . . [those] who restrain anger and pardon (all) men - for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

If a person suppresses his or her seething anger, and does not forgive, that anger will turn into resentment and malice, which are more dangerous than anger. When a person forgives and forgets, the flames of anger are extinguished, and his or her soul is cleansed of the effects of anger and hatred. This is the level of ihsan which earns Allah's (SWT) love for those who attain it:

( ( . . . for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

The Muslim woman who truly adheres to the teachings of Islam is one of this group of muhsinin. She does not allow anger to continue boiling in her heart, because suppressed resentment is a very heavy burden on the soul; rather, she hastens to forgive and forget, thus freeing herself from this burden, and filling her soul with tranquillity and peace of mind.

Something that may help the Muslim woman to reach this difficult level of ihsan is the knowledge that forgiving one's sister is not a source of humiliation or shame, rather it will raise her in status and honour in the sight of Allah (SWT), as the Prophet (PBUH) described:

Allah (SWT) will not increase His servant when he forgives except in honour. No-one humbles himself for the sake of Allah (SWT) but Allah (SWT) will raise his status.20

Note: 20. Sahih Muslim, 16/141, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab istihbab al-'afuw wa'l-tawadu'.

If we compare this honour and status with the status of ihsan reached by the woman who is tolerant and forgiving, we will realize what an honour she has attained, for in the sight of Allah (SWT) she is one of the muhsinat, and in the sight of people she is a respected, beloved example.

The Muslim woman who has truly understood the teachings of Islam cannot have any trace of hatred or resentment in her heart towards anybody, because she understands precisely the value of forgiveness and purity of heart, and their importance if she seeks Allah's (SWT) forgiveness and pleasure, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained:

There are three sins, whoever dies free of these sins will be forgiven for anything else, if Allah (SWT) wills: associating anything with Allah (SWT); practising magic or witchcraft; and bearing resentment towards his brother.21

Note: 21. Repoted by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/505, Bab al-shahna'.

She meets them with a smiling face

The true Muslim woman is cheerful of countenance, always greeting her sisters with warmth and smiles, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

Do not think little of any good deed, even if it is just greeting your brother with a cheerful countenance.22

Note: 22. Sahih Muslim, 16/177, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah wa'l-adab, bab istihbab talaqah al-wajh 'ind al-liqa'.

Having a cheerful and friendly face is a good characteristic which Islam encourages and considers to be a good deed which will bring reward, because a cheerful face mirrors a pure soul. This inward and outward purity is one of the distinguishing features of the sincere Muslim. Hence the Prophet (PBUH) said:

Your smiling at your brother is an act of charity (sadaqah).23

Note: 23. Reported by Tirmidhi, 3/228, Abwab al-birr, 36. He said it is hasan gharib.

The Prophet (PBUH) was cheerful of countenance, always greeting his Sahabah with warmth and smiles whenever he saw them, as the great Sahabi Jarir ibn `Abdullah described:

From the time I embraced Islam, the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) never refused to see me and he never saw me except with a smile on his face.24

Note: 24. Fath al-Bari, 10/504, Kitab al-adab, bab al-tabassum wa'l-dahk; Sahih Muslim, 16/35, Kitab fada'il al-sahabah, bab fada'il Jarir ibn 'Abdullah.

Islam wants the ties of friendship and brotherhood/sisterhood to remain strong among the Muslims, so it encouraged them to spread salam, to be cheerful of countenance, to speak gently and to greet one another warmly, so that hearts will remain pure and open, ready to work together in kindness to do good deeds, and capable of carrying out the duties of Islam no matter what effort and sacrifices may be required.

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